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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » How much should I know???

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Author Topic: How much should I know???
jazzygirl111
Neophyte
Member # 73560

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I'm thirteen and have never really learned about sex. My parents never talk about it and I've only had one sex-ed class in school in which I cried and was taken out of. So now I am wondering what should I know as a 13-year-old girl? My friends are always talking about sex, and I don't understand anything they say, and am starting to get left out. I want to know the right amount for someone my age, but not too much as I get very squeamish. Please can you help me??? I'm starting to lose my friends as well as getting worried about how immature I am!!!
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eryn_smiles
Peer Ambassador
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Hello [Smile] . It's a real shame that your parents have never talked to you about sex. And I'm sorry to hear that having the class at school made you feel upset. It's really good that you came here to find out more about what you don't know. I don't think that any of this makes you immature. Actually there are people of all different ages who haven't had the chance to get a good sex education, unfortunately. There are also lots of people who feel squeamish or ashamed and guilty about sex.

Can I ask, what in particular are you squeamish or worried about?

I'll pass on some links from the main site for you to get started:
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/whats_sex
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/body/anatomy_pink_parts_female_sexual_anatomy
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/body/10_of_the_best_things_you_can_do_for_your_sexual_self_at_any_age
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality/about_that_talk_with_your_parents
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality/sexual_response_orgasm_a_users_guide

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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jazzygirl111
Neophyte
Member # 73560

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Thank you for the links. Um well, last year when I cried after I heard how a baby was made, my friends never talked about sex to me. They avoided the subject entirely in my presence. But once I heard them talking about "fingering" and I asked them what it was, they eventually did tell me but regretted it as I threw up 5 minutes later. That is the kind of thing when I mean I am squeamish. I'm worried, however, by what else do people do? I cannot imagine anything worse than that, but I'm starting to believe that there are, although I do not know about them. I am also worried that I am abnormal to not know how a baby is made or any of that stuff. Could you please confirm that the information on those links is all that a normal 13-year-old knows about sex?? And also, do you think I may cry when reading them (I want to prepare myself)??? Thanks again.
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eryn_smiles
Peer Ambassador
Member # 35643

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Sounds like it must have been really scary for you. What do you think about talking to someone like your school guidance counsellor about these worries?

It's pretty impossible to say what a "normal" 13 year old knows. Because theres such a variety in that. Some people would be interested in every detail and others might be completely uninterested in sex at that age. All are normal and okay.

If you think it could be upsetting to read, maybe wait until one of the Scarleteen volunteers comes online and can talk with you better [Smile] .

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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jazzygirl111
Neophyte
Member # 73560

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Wait, so are you not part of Scarleteen?
If you aren't who are you? A kid, a grown-up???

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atm1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 37835

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Summer,

eryn has been around here for a long time, and she's extremely knowledgeable. She gives great advice, and sometimes has better insight than us volunteers. If she wants to share more of her background, she will, but you can absolutely trust her advice. I promise.

I do agree with what she's said so far. It's impossible to say what is "normal" for a given 13 year old to know or feel about sex.

What can we do to help you? What do you need?

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jazzygirl111
Neophyte
Member # 73560

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Thanks for the concern. If you could possibly write a list of the things I should try and understand and learn about before I start the eighth grade, that would be extremely helpful. Everyone talks about sex now, and I feel that it may become even more so next year; and if I can learn a decent bit during the summer I will feel more confident and stuff.
Could you possibly also give me some tips on how to try and talk to an adult (not my parents) about sex? I contemplated asking one question and then hopefully more to come but although there have been many chances, i haven't had enough courage to do so. Do you think it may be useful first asking about something I do know, so I don't get that worried, and then move onto the things I really don't know???

Thank You so much for your time and effort. [Big Grin]

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Kachina
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 42505

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Have you read the articles above? They are an excellent starting point.

As to talking to adults... you have asked your questions to adults here, so how about doing it the same way in person?

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~Kat
Scarleteen Volunteer

Humans are allergic to change. They love to say, "We've always done it this way." I try to fight that. That's why I have a clock on my wall that runs counter-clockwise. - Grace Hopper

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Djuna
Activist
Member # 29269

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Hi there Summer! Those articles are definitely worth reading, and I also think eryn's suggestion that this may be something you could talk to your school's guidance counsellor about (whether that's information about sexuality or just wanting to talk about your discomfort around that).

Too, if this is something you don't want to talk with your friends about, it's absolutely okay to say that. We have the right to not have conversations that make us uncomfortable, whether that means asking to change the subject or going to do something else when that subject comes up. So if finding out a lot about sexuality is something you don't feel ready for quite yet, you don't need to force yourself to please anyone else, okay? [Smile]

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

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jazzygirl111
Neophyte
Member # 73560

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Thank You for the advice, and I will definitely be looking into using those web-pages soon. When I mean speaking to a grown-up, I mean someone I actually have know, not just someone on the internet whom I have never met before and will never meet again in the future (I don't mean that I don't like or don't care about you, it's just that this is a lot easier for me to do than talk to someone I have known for a while). Again, do you think that by asking about something I do know first will help make things easier to start with?

The thing with my friends is that they have started to only care about sex and that kind of stuff, so whenever I try to talk about something like school or books, they will just leave the room or talk to someone else (about sex). I don't want to lose them as friends because they aren't bad friends at all, just a bit obsessed with IT. That's another thing, I refuse to mention the word sex out loud, so when I talk about "IT" I just say "IT" and they laugh about that, and say why don't you just say "SEX! SEX,SEX,SEX AND MORE SEX!!!" There's no avoiding it. I'm old enough now and I've just got to face the truth head on and learn everything I need to know. Maybe when I get back to school I'll consider going to see my school counsellor. Is it normal for people to be this sex-crazy/ anti-sex-crazy at my age?

Thanks so much,

Audrey

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Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
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It may help talking to them, but it really just depends on you and what feels best for you. Everyone's different, so what's comfortable for one person may not be for another.

Also, yes - it's pretty normal for people to feel any certain way about sex. Whether that be really wanting to talk about it, or not. Wanting to be a part of it or not (or not yet).

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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