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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Vaginal sex and pleasure

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Author Topic: Vaginal sex and pleasure
Zooey
Neophyte
Member # 70707

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My boyfriend and I have been having sex for about nine months now. He was my first. I've never had any sort of physical pleasure from it. G-Spot stimulation hurts unless it's really gentle, like if he uses his fingers, but even then, it's not pleasure, it just feels like I have to pee. When we have sex, it just sort of feels like it's going in and out, like when you rub your fingers together. I feel it, but it doesn't feel good OR bad, it just kind of is.

What's wrong? Is this normal? If not, what are we doing wrong and how can we fix it?

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September
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Do you engage in any sexual activities besides intercourse? If so, how do they feel for you?

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Zooey
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Member # 70707

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We're both very open to trying new things. We've tried both oral and anal sex (I enjoyed the former much much much more than the latter). I don't feel any pleasure when he fingers me, either.

I can orgasm with clitoral stimulation pretty easily, though.

Anything actually involving penetration, though, isn't really pleasurable.

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September
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Okay. So when you do engage in intercourse, do you engage in plenty of other stimulation beforehand? So that when you get to intercourse, you're very relaxed and aroused?

You may also benefit from reading through this article:
The Great No-Orgasm-from-Intercourse Conundrum

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Zooey
Neophyte
Member # 70707

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Always. Usually between 10 minutes to an hour.

It's just so frustrating to the both of us. He tells me he feels awful about it, and is constantly trying to fix this problem, and that makes me feel awful in turn.

Rougher sex can feel more pleasurable, but it's a very static pleasure. It doesn't really ever build or change.

I still have my fingers crossed that there's something we can do.

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September
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Sounds like you two have built up a lot of pressure over this issue. If sex is all or mostly about getting you to experience pleasure from intercourse, it's no wonder that you're feeling pretty meh about it.

Intercourse isn't the holy grail of sex, and while I know that it can be rough to have one sexual activity you want to engage in that just doesn't work well, it does not have to be the end of the world. There are still plenty of other things you can do, and you are also by far not the only woman who doesn't list intercourse as her favorite thing ever.

So, the first part of my advise is for both of you to just relax. Freaking out rarely helps, and especially not in situations like this where the more you freak, the less likely you are to enjoy intercourse.

The second part of my advise would be for the two of you to take intercourse off the menu for a while and simply stop trying. Sex isn't supposed to be a chore, and it sounds like it has become that for the two of you. So why don't you just focus on sex being fun again? Engage in activities you both enjoy and receive pleasure from, and don't worry so much about intercourse so much.

Then, once you've been doing that for a while and have let go of the pressure, if there's a moment where you're feeling like you really want intercourse for yourself (not to see if it's gotten better yet, or to just give it a try, or do your boyfriend a favor, but because you WANT it), you can go ahead and see how it goes.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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