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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Lasting forever, not in a good way!

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Author Topic: Lasting forever, not in a good way!
Member # 38750

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I am currently seeing a guy and we have been practicing safe sex ( condoms and birth control). we have known each other forever and have just recently become sexually active together. The sex is great but it lasts forever. I'm all for stamina but he can't finish and if he does he usually has to do it himself. I enjoy it but it ends up starting to hurt me because he has to thrust so much to get to a climaxing point. I was wondering if there is anything we could do or that he could do to speed up the process. Im aware that he masterbates pretty frequently could that be one of the reasons? I'd appreciate any input.
Posts: 9 | From: British Columbia | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 79118

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Several suggestions for you, sketchyskittles:

When you're having sex, are you using a lubricant? Sometimes with long intercourse, a woman's natural lubricant and even the lubricant on the condom stops being enough and chafing can start to occur. More lubrication can help a lot. That way, even if the intercourse is long, it may not be as painful.

Also, if your partner is used to masturbating a lot without condoms, the slight decrease in sensation could mean that he has trouble climaxing with condoms. Encourage him to masturbate while wearing condoms to get used to the sensation. Over time, this may help him adjust.

Another suggestion for your partner - discuss his masturbation routine with him. If he uses the same technique every time he masturbates, it could be that he's grown used to a very specific sensation and finds it difficult to climax from other forms of stimulation. Encourage him to vary his masturbation routine and try different techniques.

Finally, it's important to remember that just because he's not necessarily orgasming during vaginal intercourse with you, you can still have a fun, healthy sex life! You say he finishes himself off... well, mutual masturbation is still sex! You can also incorporate other types of sex - manual, oral, etc. - which can help both of you climax, and it takes the pressure off of him to have an orgasm during vaginal intercourse.

Hope that helps!

P.S. I'm new to the forums, so obviously listen to Heather/the volunteers over me if they have different advice. [Smile]

Posts: 1 | From: California | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 66249

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Hi sketchyskittles,

This sounds tough, though it's great you're trying to work it out. It also actually seemed to me as though you really want to have intercourse for a shorter time, rather than just for longer with less pain. I'm hoping this helps, and I sort of want to bring your pleasure into this a little bit more.

I think Chelsea's suggestion about talking about this is spot on.

And I'm wondering what you and your boyfriend have said to each other so far about this. Specifically, does he know when it starts hurting you?

Because really there are maybe a few different things you could find out do work better for you both... simply trying lube might be great for you guys... also playing round with how long since he last orgasmed before you have sex and how near he is to orgasming before you attempt intercourse again might all work. But how you go about working out what is good for you needs to come from your communication to each other about what feels good and what not, and treating it a bit like a (fun) experiment, but one where it's all about pleasure.

Also, where your pleasure comes into the sex you have now makes a big difference; how you both manage to work on your pleasure specifically when there can so easily be a lot of focus on trying to help him reach orgasm.

Although you'd like to speed up his pleasure, that is so much tied together with making the sex pleasurable for you... Yet for you to be actually having sex that feels uncomfortable to help him orgasm perhaps isn't really paying too much attention to what feels good for you at all, but almost is just an effort to get it to ok! Do you think making your pleasure more central to trying stuff out might make it easier to find what works best for you two as a couple?

Even if it's only step one... I think simply stopping when it starts to feel uncomfortable and both of you understanding why that's necessary is a really important base to move on from... I think after that you're just looking at getting more pleasure, rather than less pain!

(This article is quite long and I thing some of it might help you more than other bits, so there's definitely no need to read it in it's entirity, but do have a look through I think some of it will help: Ow to Wow and also, simply because I can't bear to think you might be having sex that's just "comfortable" I totally recommend An Immodest Proposal)

[ 09-28-2011, 09:47 AM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]

Posts: 694 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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