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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Tired of being a virgin

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Author Topic: Tired of being a virgin
StillConfused
Neophyte
Member # 65948

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Not too sure where to start off except that I am tired of being a virgin. I am 18 and am self concious. Not of my body image more of not being good enough. I am not afraid of the pain that might occur. I am aware of STIs and am on the pill and intend on using a condom. The only thing is as bad as I want to lose my virginity I am terrified. I don't want my first time to be with the man I love, but I am afraid if I do it with someone I wasn't dating he will be in some way disappointed. Am I being silly? Will I regret this later in life. I ave been thinking about this for several months, this isn't just a recent thing. I have come close a few times, but I wasn't ready then. That and the guy was 3 years older. Is saving myself for marriage really worth it, or is that becoming a thing of the past?
Posts: 3 | From: united states | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Djuna
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Hi StillConfused! Welcome to the boards. [Smile]

I'm hearing that you have a lot of anxiety around this - worry that you're not "good enough" - do you want to talk a little more about what you mean by that? I also get that you feel that your partner might be disappointed - why do you think that's what you're expecting?

As far as waiting for marriage and whether that's something of the past or present, I'd worry less about what culture and other people seem to be doing and more about what it is you want to do - does that make sense?

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

Posts: 1269 | From: London, UK | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
StillConfused
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Member # 65948

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I feel that because I have never don it before that I'l be one of those people who aren't good in bed. I am afraid that I won't be able to turn him on very well. I'm not sure why I think my partner will be disappointed its just a fear that I have. I don't want to be a let down I guess.
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Djuna
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Well, the reality is that during our first time doing anything (not just sex, but say, pottery or skydiving) we tend not to amazingly "good" at it right away. And when we're doing pottery, or skydiving, no one expects us to be amazing that first time - it'd be kind of unreasonable for someone to be upset with that misshapen clay pot I made, you know?

And equally, with someone who cares about you, and with whom you feel ready (and that doesn't necessarily need to be in a relationship), there doesn't need to be any pressure for you to be "good" at sex the first time.

There's a reason I'm putting "good" in air quotes, too. Everyone is turned on by different things, and enjoys doing different things sexually, which means there's no objective way of saying that a person does sex "well" or "badly". Rather than saying "that person was good in bed", all I could say would be "I enjoyed what I did with that person". Know what I mean?

A large part of making sex enjoyable for both people is talking about it beforehand - and someone being comfortable talking about sex and willing to discuss what works for them and for you is a good sign of someone who's going to be "good" in bed. Giving someone sexual pleasure isn't difficult - that person has probably been getting themselves off for years, and they can tell you what works for them.

I think there are a couple links on the main site you might find useful, too. This is an awesome sex-readiness checklist:
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
And I don't know when you're talking about virginity if you mean you're new to intercourse or to all kinds of sex, but here's an article about first-time intercourse as well as other activities:
First Intercourse 101

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

Posts: 1269 | From: London, UK | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
StillConfused
Neophyte
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that you so much this really helped my self esteem and I definitely will check out those sites. this was really helpful [Smile]
Posts: 3 | From: united states | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Djuna
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No worries! If you have any questions after reading some of that, well, we're around. [Smile]

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

Posts: 1269 | From: London, UK | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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