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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Now I want you, now I don't? So confused!

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Author Topic: Now I want you, now I don't? So confused!
Member # 46669

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There's this guy who likes me. We are... well, unofficaly dating. He likes me a LOT. But as to myself... I don't really know if I like him. Sometimes I feel like I do. Sometimes I look at him and find myself admiring his body or his features, enjoying his scent... but other times I just feel awkward and not attracted at all. Sometimes I almost want to kiss him, but other times the idea seems disgusting. What's going on?
Posts: 24 | From: Richmond | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 36725

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Have you noticed any similarities between times when you do want to be with him and when you don't? For instance, something particular that's a turn off for you at the moment? Or perhaps similarities in your personal moods between these times?

"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 46669

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I seem to feel more comfortable around him when we're in a group of people. It's at those times when I feel more attracted to him. When we're alone together, that's when I get turned off. I'm not really nervous, I've gotten to know him well enough. But... it is kind of uncomfortable because I've never been hanging out alone with a boy who isn't a childhood friend or family member before. It could also be that I know he likes me a lot more than I like him?

[ 05-06-2011, 07:06 PM: Message edited by: Ariskola ]

Posts: 24 | From: Richmond | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27731

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From what you've said it is quite possible you are feeling this way due to the anticipation of being pressured because you know he likes you alot more than you like him so when you are alone the possibility that he'll pressure you to give more becomes apparent and you're not sure of your own feelings on whether you even want to go any further while in groups you can be comfortable because you know it would be difficult for him to pressure you in such a situation.
Plus in a group you can feel safe being attracted to him and admiring from a distance the things about him that turn you on without having to deal with the reality of what feeling a physical attraction leads to. Afterall, if guy1 feels physical desire for girl1 and girl1 feels physical desire for guy1 and they are all alone together then the pressure to become physical becomes greater and since you haven't decided whether you want to become that serious with him it ends up being a douse of cold water so to speak and taints the entire experience of on one one time. Turning it into a big turn off before it has even happened.
Also if this is this first boy you've ever hung out with alone that you are intimate with not knowing what to do or say and not having other members of a group to fall back on can be awkward. Afterall, in a group if you run out of things to talk about you can simply listen to someone else who is talking and contribute to their conversation. But if that happens with the guy you are intimate with and you are all alone what are you supposed to do? The first answer that would pop to mind is be physical but you are not sure about wanting to go that far so the entire experience of one on one time becomes tainted and ends up being a huge turn off from the get go.

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