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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » selfish... or not?

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Author Topic: selfish... or not?
pecejay
Neophyte
Member # 60479

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My boyfriend and i have been dating for almost two years now, we've been sexually active for most of that time. I was his first for everything.. kissing, sex and oral. The problem is.. when we have sex, we go until he's done. I've NEVER gotten to finish.. or be actually satisfied if that makes sense? My boyfriend knows he hasn't done it, but doesn't do anything about it.. I don't know if he's nervous about doing something.. but i've mention a lot of things before... but still he just does it for himself.

is it just he's nervous or do you think he doesn't really care?

Posts: 12 | From: united states | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

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Have the two of you sat down and talked about this? I know you've said that you have "mention(ed) a lot of things before," but are you talking about dropping hints or having real, serious conversations about this?

If you have talked about it, how have those conversations gone?

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Sarah Liz

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pecejay
Neophyte
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well i've only mentioned some stuff.. so maybe i just need to just drop it all out on the table since he's not getting the hint.. you would think guys would get it since it has to do with sex.. ha but obviously not. their kind of clueless.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You know, also? You've described a very unhealthy relationship, so expecting the sex to be any more healthy than the relationship itself is usually very unrealistic.

By all means, even in healthy relationships, we need to communicate clearly about sex, but partners who are unhealthy and uncontrolling are often not going to be receptive to that.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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pecejay
Neophyte
Member # 60479

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yeah, you're very right.. thank you
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heero222
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Member # 27731

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quote:
Originally posted by pecejay:
well i've only mentioned some stuff.. so maybe i just need to just drop it all out on the table since he's not getting the hint.. you would think guys would get it since it has to do with sex.. ha but obviously not. their kind of clueless.

You're making a generality about men that is very innacurate. From what you admitted in your first post every single sexual act he has ever had even basic kissing has all been with you so that means everything he knows came from you. If the things you taught him aren't pleasing you and from what you indicated in the other post you've only hinted to him what else he could try then does his cluelessness truly come from his gender or from a different source?
He's probably also embarassed that he finishes so much earlier than you and can't satisfy you. I'd recommend you start off with activities that soley deal with him getting you aroused (Ex: oral, rubbing, fingering) that way you can get far enough along that when he does join in you'll be able to finish before him.

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