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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Cant finish.

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Author Topic: Cant finish.
mia*
Neophyte
Member # 66334

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So my boyfriend is extremly caring and wouldnt ever pressure me or anything .

And he has been trying really hard to make me orgasm. I have given him handjobs but he never lets me finnish with him coz he doesnt want to cum first and doesnt wanna gross me out. And the annoying thing is i have gotten really close ...

like really really close

alot

but i can never finish. Why?

(And i know what orgasms are like having given them to myself a few times and we talk bout what feels good and stuff)

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'if the love of power became the power of love life would be sweet'

Posts: 30 | From: newzealand | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
heero222
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Member # 27731

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If you've been able to achieve orgasm on your own it's not likely a physical problem.. Also, you said you've been really really close during sex is it that you can never quite get there or he finishes before you manage to do so? If it is that you can never quite get there then it could very well be you're just not comfortable letting him see you have an orgasm. An orgasm is a very personal thing and letting him witness you at that height of passion when you're at your most vulnerable is a tough thing for many to do. Now I don't know whether you've had previous partners where it is not an issue but that doesn't preclude the possibility that what you were comfortable doing with them you are uncomfortable doing with him.
A previous gf had a similar problem to determine whether it really was an issue of orgasming in front of me I recommended that she do what she normally does to get off while I watched and after several unsuccessful attempts where she kept her eyes open and watched me watching her we figured it must be she wasn't comfortable letting me see her like that. I'm not a mind reader so I have no idea why you might not be comfortable but what we did to get around it is I would stand behind her and place my hand on hers while she masturbated and she'd keep her eyes closed and pretend I wasn't there and I'd remain silent. After a while she got comfortable and was able to reach orgasm again then we switched to just me rubbing her and she pretended she was doing it to herself and again after a while she was able to orgasm. Then we switched to intercourse and she kept her eyes closed and rubbed her clit and pretended that instead of me it was just her using one of her dildos with one hand and rubbing herself with the other. Eventually she got to the point wear she could open her eyes and look at me and still have an orgasm.
It was a lot of work and took quite a while but in the end it was actually quite a bit of fun and gave us several new activities to have fun with.

Posts: 58 | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mia*
Neophyte
Member # 66334

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He has never finnished with me there,
were both eachothers first everything
And it wasnt sex as in intercourse it was through oral and fingering.
I think the problem is that i feel weird bout letting myself in front of him.Even when I got close i was moaning and breathing quickier but i kinda nestled my head into his shoudler so he couldnt see my face.
Is this a selfesteem thing or what?
and what can i do to help the situation.??

--------------------
'if the love of power became the power of love life would be sweet'

Posts: 30 | From: newzealand | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
heero222
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Member # 27731

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No I don't think it is selfesteem issue most likely its an issue of making yourself that vulnerable in front of him. Allowing another person to hear you moaning and panting and letting them see your facial expressions and other bodily reactions when you have an orgasm requires letting yourself be vulnerable to a degree which can be uncomfortable enough that it prevents orgasm.
There are a couple things you can do to try to help the situation. The major one is to keep your eyes closed the entire time and focus solely on your physical reactions and the sensations you are feeling. I'd tell him to not say anything and try to keep as quiet as possible. That way you can tune him out easier. Once your able to achieve orgasm with your eyes closed it should be much easier to do with them open.
A different approach would be to start out by closing your eyes and mastubating while he is in the same room and pretending he is not there focusing solely on your body and the sensations you are feeling. Once you are able to do it with him in the room doing it with him participating should be easier.
Another thing is telling yourself "I'm sharing a wonderful part of myself with a person I care about". Because truly that's what you are doing sharing a wonderful and personal experience with someone you care for and who will be happy to know he was able to help you reach that level of satisfaction.

Posts: 58 | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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