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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » What's it like??

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Author Topic: What's it like??
JustCurious46
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So i have read a few of your articles but i cant seem to find the answer im looking for.

There might not be answer to my question but i just decided to ask, i mean what will it hurt?

So my question is "whats it feel like to have sex?" im in a pretty serious relationship and were talking about having sex but i guess i just wanna know what its like to have sex before i do.

Sorry if this is in the wrong category, i dont know what to put it in.

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Heather
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What it's like to have any given kind of sex is going to be different for each person and potentially different with each experience with it we have. The sex I have on Tuesday, for instance, even with the same partner, can be and feel different than the sex we have Friday.

Maybe you can be a little more specific, or better voice what you're concerned about?

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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JustCurious46
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Like vagina-to-penis sex, i just dont get what it will feel like, i have been fingered before, i assume it doesnt feel like that i just wonder what it feels like, ex. does it hurt or like feel good or something like that?
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Heather
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Well, it can actually feel a whole lot like that, save that the sensation can be more generalized rather than specific, since a penis can't move the way that fingers can.

Ultimately, all kinds of sex are about feeling good, not being in pain. But, as you probably already know from fingering, pain can happen, especially if you're not relaxed and turned on, your partner isn't being responsive to you (and/or you're not giving them communication to respond to), or you're not using as much lubricant as you need.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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JustCurious46
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Well thank you so much. oh and i also have another question if thats alright, how exactly do you become more comfortable around your partner?
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martinafranklyn
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Hi there justcurious.

I can try to answer your question, I just lost my virginity a month or so back.

As has been already pointed out sex is always going to be different depending on the partner and many other things e.g Has he had experience? How big/long is his penis? How much foreplay has happened? How relaxed are you? Which position do you use?

So to be honest, I cannot tell you what sex will feel like. I can try to explain as best I can how it felt for ME.

We'd been going out for about a month and our makeout sessions were getting much more heated and we both knew we wanted to do it. I was helping him babysit one night and he offered for me to stay over. We didn't plan to have sex, but once we were all cuddled up we started kissing and one thing led to another.

It was quite nerve-wracking, but also very sweet and I enjoyed it for sure.

It feels quite stretchy, for me he fit just right and once we'd taken a second to get used to the position he just slowly pulled out and pushed back in again until there was a bit of a rythmn going.
It feels like he's much too big at first and if your hymen is still intact he might have to push a bit to break it. That's not too painful, just a very sudden pop a tiny bit of pain then its gone.

I'm not really sure about your second question, do you mean comfortable with your body in front of your partner? Or just how to relax around him more?

If it is the latter, all I can advise is Time and Communication.
Get to know each other well, sit and chat. Properly chat; go for a meal or just sit on the sofa and leave the TV OFF.
Get to know what makes him tick, what foods he likes, whats his favourite colour. You'd be amazed how much you can learn just through communicating. And, the more you know, the more comfortable you can be with each other.


Hope I helped!

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JustCurious46
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You helped alot. and by more comfortable i mean both of those.

and its also alot about my body becuase you could say im not the skinniest in the world but im not like huge, and hes had sex with one other person so idk what he will think about me because girls are alot differnt body wise.

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Heather
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Also? If you're not feeling comfortable just yet, that's a really good signal to slow things down, rather than speeding them up. That way, you can take more time to get comfortable, both with your own body yourself, and with a partner.

Sometimes feelings like that are our minds trying to give us needed information, and sometimes feeling extra uncomfortable happens because we are moving too fast. And if you think a partner isn't yet comfortable with bodies different from theirs, they may need more time, too.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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martinafranklyn
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Beleive me, I'm about 28pounds heavier than my BF, I'm also a bit older...
So I'm bigger and that really had an impact on our sexual progress I just could not relax with him at all, I felt ridiculous a bigger older woman with this guy....
But Time and Communication helped all these things. I spoke to him about my worries and he put my mind at ease and I took things nice and slowly and only did it when I felt COMFORTABLE.

Its so important to be comfortable for your first time

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Heather
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It's actually important to be comfortable EVERY time, not just the first time! [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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martinafranklyn
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I never said it wasn't important to be comfortable at all times.
When the subject of the thread is about her first time, I specifically mentioned the first time as that will be foremost in her mind right now and it's important she's comfortable during it.

I'm trying to point out that maybe she should make sure she's comfortable before she has sex for the first time as it's important for an enjoyable first time.

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JustCurious46
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Thanks for the advice, i mean i do communicete with him about my worries and he tells me im perfect the way i am and that he loves my bos=dy but i think its more my self confidence, it takes me years to get comfortable with someone, like eating around friends and stuff, i hate it because if i eat i think they will think im fat and stuff. The only people im really comfortable around is my imediate family and some of my close friends so its hard to judge off the fact of not being comfortable around him, i just think i need to be more self confident about myself before i cant be comfortable around others, because when i look in the mirror i just think im so fat and how could anyone love me because im so hidious. I just dont know how to bust my own self image.
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martinafranklyn
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Man....everything you've said is exactly how I feel, like 'how the heck could anyone really love me I'm so disgusting'.

To be honest, I don't know if my own self-doubt will ever go away but I'm trying to damn hardest to ignore that little voice.
I'm getting there slowly but surely by talking to my BF about it, and just trying to Trust him.
Every so often, that roadblock does come up but I try to ignore it, or break it down with positive thoughts.

One thing someone taught me was every day to go through the alphabet and pick a positive word about yourself.
E.G:
Day 1: A- Attractive
Day 2: B- Beautiful
Day 3: C- Caring

Then you spend the day thinking about or writing down all the reasons you are a beautiful person or an attractive person or a caring person
Discuss it with your BF, perhaps ask him why he think you're beautiful, attractive etc.

Do it every day even if it feels dumb or you don't think it will work just keep going.
By the end of the alphabet you should have plenty of positive things to feel about yourself.
I'm still working on it, it's not something that goes away overnight but you can beat it!!

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JustCurious46
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Awwe while thank you, you have helped tremendously, and i also figured im not ready for sex yet, i just want to know if i ever will be, it seems like i wont, i mean i really want to and me and my boyfriend are actually talking about this right now, on why im scared to and stuff, he asked if doing other things like oral sex and stuf would help more, i havent ever really beleive in that stuff but im wondering if it might help.
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Karybu
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It's pretty darn unlikely you'll never ever feel ready for sex (although whether you'll ever feel ready with this particular partner is a whole different story).

As for "not believing in that stuff", can you explain a little bit more what you mean by that?

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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JustCurious46
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Like i rather not do it, I guess i should exactly say i dont believe in it cuz if he tried to i would let him, i guess what i mena is i would rather just have sex sex rather than oral sex or anything like that. But if thats what i need to feel more ready or sex then i think thats a step i would take.
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Karybu
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The thing is, jumping straight to vaginal intercourse without ever having had any other kind of sex would be kind of like jumping into the deep end of a pool when you've never even seen water before. Intercourse is far from the only kind of sex there is (thank goodness, otherwise a lot of us wouldn't have sex lives at all and those people who did would have pretty boring ones!) and most people who include intercourse as part of their sex life incorporate a lot of other kinds of sex as well.

Have you seen this yet? What's Sex? I think it might offer a bit of a different perspective that could be useful to you in thinking about all of this.

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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JustCurious46
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So are you saying that having other sex other than intercourse is a good idea before actually deciding to have sex?
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Karybu
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Yep, it's a very good idea. To explain why a bit more, I'm going to link you to another article that says it better than I can: Yield for Pleasure

(I realise this is a lot of reading I'm throwing at you, but I am including these links because I really do think they'll help you out. Take as much time as you need to read and process all the information there - there's a lot of it, and no need to rush.)

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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JustCurious46
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Alright thank you i apprciate it, and its okay i have alot of free time on my hands.
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