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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Sleep-fondling, it's causing problems

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Author Topic: Sleep-fondling, it's causing problems
Member # 45829

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I've tried to look up stuff about what I'm going to call "sleep-fondling" (because it's like sleep-walking/talking only, it's fondling) because my boyfriend does it almost every single night we sleep in the same bed together.

It always starts off really nice. because it wakes me up, and reeeally turns me on.
The problem is that my boyfriend is asleep when he starts it. and since I am so turned on, I cuddle back, then he slowly comes into consciousness (eventually)and once he does, he either abruptly stops and rolls as far away as he can (because he needs sleep for work) and I am left with my wet contracting unsatisfied vagina =( and usually go into a very bad mood.
OR we continue all the way to giving each other orgasm and then my bf feels angry that we did it because he wanted his sleep!

I am bothered by this because I wonder if we will ever be able to sleep in the same bed and not worry about him loosing his sleep.
Right now the only solution is for him to tell me, before we fall asleep, to push him off if he starts to touch me in the night.

Does anyone else share this experience at all? How can I deal with it better? >.< I hate that I get so angry about not getting sex when it's inconvenient

Posts: 14 | From: Texas | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 42678

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This might be obvious but have you spoken to your partner about this?


Posts: 42 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 45829

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Oh yes! He knows about everything I post on here as well.

Is there really no one else on here who has experienced anything like this? xP

Posts: 14 | From: Texas | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Something like this is likely to happen when people sleep in the same bed who are in a physical relationship, for sure. So, it's not that this hasn't happened to anyone else.

However, it's safe to say that for most people, if and when this does happen, just rolling over and going back to bed isn't that big of a deal. If it is, then going and masturbating then going back to bed should take care of things just fine.

Now, your boyfriend feeling angry if and when he does freely choose to turn this into sex together isn't valid. If he doesn't want to do that, he has the right to choose not to, and hopefully you're allowing him that right without trying to talk him into something he doesn't want, or trying to make him more awake than he is.

Again, though, like we were talking about in your other thread where you talked about how not having sex when you want it in other contexts makes you angry, you finding you are feeling SO angry about this or like it's a huge deal when you can't get sex with your partner every time you want it is problematic, and a potential signal none of this is really about sex or any kind of physical need at all.

It's hard to say what it is about, not knowing you or being someone you have talked to in depth about the whole of your life and your feelings. Maybe it's about wanting to control, maybe it's about this relationship having some other problematic dynamics, who knows, but my suggestion, again, would be to consider talking to a counselor or therapist about both the anger issues you're having and the way they're attached to sex for you.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 46007

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This has definitely happened to me too. Once we even ended up having intercourse while he (apparently) was still asleep and then in the middle of it he suddenly pushed me off and rolled over. Definitely a disappointment, and frustrating, but it happens. Masturbation doesn't do much for me but go ahead if it works for you! Sounds better than lying there uncomfortably. But the discomfort does go away eventually. My disappointment was more that I felt sad & rejected, but I try not to take it personally since, well, he's asleep!

Good luck.

Posts: 219 | From: Indiana | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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