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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » What makes good sex

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Author Topic: What makes good sex
Lilerse
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I lost my virginity (had intercourse) over a year ago with a man I had liked for a long time (but didn't know incredibly well at the time), who later became a very serious boyfriend, and is now an ex-boyfriend. With him, from the very start, sex has been the most mind-blowing experience of my life. I love it so so much and can't (er, couldn't) get enough.

I've had sex with seven other guys (most while my first man and I were still in the unofficial/open stage of our relationship - not after we'd broken up), most of whom have been friends rather than romantic partners, and none of the sex feels/felt even half as amazing as with my first guy. I like casual sex, and none of these guys have been "bad" in bed at all, but again I don't feel as much pleasure.

I am sure that the emotional connection I feel for my first guy is part of the reason it's so good, but couldn't it also be his penis? I absolutely love it and it is the PERFECT size for me, and he's never had any trouble getting hard, staying hard, lasting a long time, etc. He's been the "ideal" sexual partner, for me.

A lot of people would argue that the sex was better because he was my boyfriend. But he wasn't officially my boyfriend for the first eight months of our sexual relationship, and I have a boyfriend now who I just started having sex with and the sex is just like it is with my casual/friend partners - good, but not THAT good.

Anyway, I guess my question/concern is, am I ever going to find someone who gives me as much pleasure as my first man, and am I right that penis size IS important (as much as some people argue it doesn't have to be) or is it all about the emotional connection? And am I ever going to find someone I feel as emotionally connected to as I did to my "first love"?

Thanks!

Posts: 219 | From: Indiana | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lilerse
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I forgot to mention that my first man also lost his virginity to me (and hasn't slept with anyone else since) - so it's not like he was sexually experienced when we started hooking up.
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robot_on_fire
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COMMUNICATION is what makes good sex.

men , or any lover cant read your mind. tell them what you like and how you like it. thats also one reason why having the same lover for awhile helps because they can remember what you like and learn .

No-body but you knows what feels good to you! so let them know. what was it that your first boyfriend did that felt so good?

penis size isnt the most important , although yes if its overly big it might pose some issues.
Yes the emotional connection might have a bit to do with it, as much as the sexual desire you have for that person.

overall if you find someone who listens to you , and will try what you like, that to me is the first step to finding a good lover.

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Lilerse
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Thanks for the response.

I guess part of the problem is that, although my first boyfriend and I openly communicated about sex to some extent, it mostly wasn't necessary. From the beginning, we somehow just clicked - especially in terms of intercourse. It's unusual for two first timers to be that compatible right off the bat.

The other problem is that I'm still not sure what exactly we DID that felt so damn good. Again we just..clicked. I have a similar problem with being gone down on - the first time a guy went down on me (different guy), it felt INCREDIBLE, but no other guy has been as good. And I still don't know what the first guy did that made it so great, or if it just felt so good because it was my first time. This I worry about less though because I get so much pleasure from intercourse that I don't really care if being given head feels amazing or not. But still, I'm curious to know!

Anyway. I will try and figure out what my first boyfriend did that I liked so much, besides his penis size. I guess I'm just spoiled and not used to having to work at making sex awesome. I'll talk to my current partner and work on it.

Although, my current partner IS incredibly large (especially in girth/width). Lube helps but it's still uncomfortable when he enters me. Hopefully it'll get better soon.

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robot_on_fire
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a great tool to find out what you like is, masturbation . just masturbate and understand what feels good to you. then it will be easier to help your partner understand what works and what doesnt.
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Lilerse
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I actually have a lot of trouble masturbating. It's always been this way. I know a lot about sex, I am extremely supportive of masturbation, and I am completely comfortable in my body, but it just doesn't do much for me. I have trouble getting turned on without a guy, and touching myself doesn't really feel like anything - I need a guy to touch me. It's frustrating and I wish I could get a better hang out of it but it's just not happening for me. I've experimented a lot and tried different things but I've pretty much given up. It would be nice, but for now I'm happy to just hook up with guys so it's not really a problem.
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Lilerse
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oh, and I've also used dildos & vibrators; they don't do much for me either. I need a penis.
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Heather
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To go back to your initial question, while for sure, some bodies will fit together in various ways better than others, it's important to remember that the vagina collapses to fit snugly around whatever is inside it. So, only ONE penis feeling just right, ever, is very unlikely, especially since, as well, only the first 1/3rd of the vagina has enough sensory nerve endings to really get a lot of stimulus from a penis.

Since you also seem to be expressing that other kinds of sex that didn't involve a penis felt much better with that first partner, I think we can rule the magic penis theory out. [Smile]

What might be helpful to you is seeing if you can identify what it was about the sexual and/or relationship dynamics with that partner that were so great, since those places are more likely to be what the big difference has been. For instance, it sounds like you're saying you had very good interpersonal and sexual chemistry. What else was going on in the relationship and in your head and heart?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Lilerse
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Thanks.

The intercourse was definitely the best part; other kinds of foreplay weren't necessarily that much better than with others (well except going down on him which I loved to do since I loved his penis so much). The guy who was good at going down on me was a different guy.

But I'm sure chemistry was a big part of it. I've never been more attracted to someone - from the instant I met him, and more and more as I got to know him.
I'll think about it.

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Heather
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So, perhaps part of the issue might be choosing partners with whom you really don't have big chemistry?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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