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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » How do you feel about sex being...fun?

   
Author Topic: How do you feel about sex being...fun?
Heather
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I'm gearing up to write an article about the fact that one reason people often have sex is because many find it fun, and that it's okay -- and doesn't mean you're shallow -- for sex to BE fun.

One reason I want us to have this is because I often get the impression -- and hear the message, especially lobbed at young people -- that it's not OKAY for sex to be fun, and if it's about fun, it must not be valuable, or emotionally meaningful or about people also caring for each other.

(This is also very much related to most cultures only recognizing the value of play as meaningful for children, not as adults, and also assuming play for children is okay or great, but not really important, but I'll go on about that in the piece.)

So, what do you think? Do you feel like you have cultural permission for sex to be fun? Do you feel like the idea of sex as fun means something negative, positive or neutral to you? Do you feel like the aspects of sex as fun are even addressed with young people? What messages do you feel like you've gotten about sex as a good time?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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curiousitykat5869
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I absolutely love the idea of sex as fun, and it's extremely positive for me.

I don't think I could deal with sex if I wasn't allowed to giggle and laugh with my partner during it.

I also don't feel like enough messages about sex include the message that it CAN be fun. It doesn't have to be just about love, or just about lust and it doesn't have to be completely serious. Sometimes weird things happen, sometimes humorous things happen. It's all part of the fun of it.

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StrangePudding
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Definitely! One of my favorite ways to initiate sex is to tickle my boyfriend all over [Smile] (he's ticklish on his penis - is that weird? [Wink] ) Don't get to very often because he doesn't always like it, but it's waaaaay fun. I think there is definitely room for fun sex, just like there's room for serious sex and passionate sex.

I think the ideas about sex being fun are kind of mixed. There's definitely that message 'you do it because you love the other person you're with.' But there's also 'do you want to regret it for the rest of your life for five minutes of fun?' which is kind of sending the message that sex will feel good, be fun etc but that that's not a good ENOUGH reason to have sex. I'm going to think about it some more but I have to go to class!

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Jill2000Plus
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I just wanted to say that, while my own experience is limited to masturbation, I'm just as likely to giggle and laugh uninhibitedly while doing sexual stuff as I am to start moaning or breathing heavily, I can't imagine sex would be that great if there wasn't laughing and smiling and just delighting in the play aspects of it involved (maybe playing with yourself isn't such a bad euphemism for masturbation, and maybe we should have an equivalent phrase for partnered sexual activity), I'm not saying we should laugh at each other during sex, nor do I think there is anything inherently ridiculous or just generally laughable about solo or partnered sex, but the giddy hedonistic euphoria and pleasure of it is something to revel in and welcome, sex doesn't have to be all about the gravity and meaning of the situation.

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Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

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libertinedreamer
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I definitely agree that sex should be fun, it's all very well being serious and passionate but when there is a funny noise, or you fall off the bed or try a new ridiculous position etc. you just have to be able to laugh about it with your partner. Some of the times I've had the best sex have been "fun" rather than intense.

Culturally/in terms of my background I think it might help that I am not religious and my family are very liberal about sex and taught me about the basics from a young age. This has not only meant that I feel I've been very responsible in my choices but also that I've been able to really enjoy sex rather than it be considered sinful, dirty or "something just to make babies" as we are so often taught in church and school .

[ 04-03-2009, 02:14 PM: Message edited by: libertinedreamer ]

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Bragorien
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Sex should be fun! I think, I have pretty limited experience [Big Grin] And itw asn't wonderfully exciting, but meep! I think people should stop telling teens that sex is bad and that is is drity, unholy.. blah blah. That just makes teens either scared of sex or - wanting to rebel against their parents, they go and have LOTS of sex, which is probably unprotected and messy and --- yes, oh dear.
My boyfriend was very nervous about doing things wrong our first time, even though he tried not to show it. He got embarrassed, and I think taht might have put a bit of a downer on it for him. We gotsta laugh it off! BUt... Meep. [Razz]

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"I made a resolution: Dance, like nobody's watching. Which I do... with the curtains closed - in case anybody's watching!"

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Onionpie
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Sex definitely has to involve fun, but it is kind of excluded from our education. We're told about pregnancy and STDs and anatomy and changes during puberty (and a lot of schools don't teach you everything, if anything, I just listed), but they tend to forget to tell you that hey, it's also fun so (if you've dealt with all the risks) just ENJOY it!

Having sex simply for fun is very definitely frowned upon, methinks, like if you have sex only for fun then you're just following your primal, animal instincts instead of being a civilized human. It's not like, way at the forefront of our culture, but it's definitely there, and, particularly for teens, the idea tends to be aimed a bit more at women.

I for one have never really faced this directly, as my parents (particularly my mother) are ALL about sex being lots of fun. But I do see it in the culture and society, in the lives of my friends and people I know.

I'm of the personal opinion that sex with someone you DO have a connection with is MORE fun, however, I don't like that this opinion, or one simmilar, is PUSHED onto teens in society. I think people shouldn't be frowned upon for what they choose to do with their body and themselves -- if they're safe and healthy and not harming anyone, why the hell should anyone else care anyway? What goes on in the bedroom stays in the bedroom, and even if you see that bedroom door opening and closing an awful lot, it's none of your business to be sticking your head 'round the corner to take a peek.

I also think that you really DO need to have fun whenever you have sex -- because it's never going to be like movie sex scenes. Funny shit happens, and if you take yourself or the moment too seriously, you can ruin it for your yourselves, really. Sure, there will be serious, intense, passionate moments. But personally, my boyfriend and I have not gone one round without SOMETHING at least SLIGHTLY funny or silly happening. And if we didn't have a sense of humour, we'd likely have stopped having sex ages ago out of unbearable embarrassment or hurt pride.

Like one time, he was touching me and I was SO close to climax, my muscles all tensed and I farted REALLY, REALLY loudly. I was almost proud of myself for such good timing. [Smile]

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So_Very_Nieve
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One of my favorite things about my boyfriend and my's relationship is that we've had some really "awkward" sex. But despite the awkward it's fun. And it gives us stories in some cases that bring us closer together.

I absolutely think that sex is, and should be, fun. If it were totally serious, the "awkward" nights my boyfriend and I have had would not have given us such positive memories and fun experiences that I think bring us together and I've heard of similar "awkward"-ness bringing a rift between people in casual dating experiences, and from the sound of it, I think it was because of too much seriousness.

IMO, if something goes wrong (unless someone is seriously injured, or there's a significant risk of some sort) and you can't laugh about it, then you're taking sex way to seriously and not having enough fun.

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Asian
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Though I may be way behind in the replies here and say what has already been said but I do believe that sex is fun. To me every time I have sex with my boyfriend it's because it's pleasurable. I wouldn't be having it if I didn't think it was fun. Of course to me sex is also very meaningful. Sometimes I just can't see picking up somebody at a bar and having drunk sex with them later in the night. Sex is fun and it's just a humorous topic to discuss especially when you are 17 years old, but it is also meaningful and a way to share your attraction and emotions with your partner. I feel no negatives towards sex and that in today's world many people find it to be a kind of past-time almost (which isn't always a good thing).
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nanswer4me
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Just stumbled across this thread after a search, since I was going to ask a question related to this.

I have a new partner and I have been thinking a lot about the way I think about sex.

My first partner was someone that I loved and trusted, and although our experience wasn't "wonderful" we laughed about it and enjoyed ourselves. My second partner was more on a whim, but we had fun too. My conclusion from these two partners is that sex CAN and SHOULD be fun.

However, I am having trouble making sense of my thoughts on sex with my new partner. We have great chemistry and both admit that we are attracted emotionally and physically, and that most likely, if we stay together, we'll end up having sex.

The problem is, despite it being so soon, I feel ready. I have never equated love with sex, and because I find it fun and exciting, its something I would enjoy if the opportunity rises. (With the appropriate protection and discussions with my partner, of course.)

I feel myself stuck between enjoying fun sex with a trusted partner and wrapping my mind around my own definitions - fearing the status as a "loose" woman or a slut. I know that I am not that way, but I have to try and change the mindset I have been ingrained with that suggests that if a young female enjoys sex, she must be a slut. I feel like that kind of attitude is very paternalistic and demeaning to women, but at the same time, I don't want to use it as an excuse to just "go at it." (Or do I?)

I'm not looking for answers, but just tossing out something I've been trying to wrap my mind around.

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Anne Marie
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Are you talking about sex being fun or having sex for fun?

I feel like, as a young girl especially I got the impression that it was okay for sex to be fun, but not okay to have sex merely for the fun of it.

In other words, if you are having sex in a loving, committed relationship and have sex as a way of showing intimacy or to get pregnant AND it also happened to but fun that was fine. HOWEVER, if you're in a relationship with someone and the two of you have sex simply because you like sex and it's fun for both of you that is NOT okay.

I got married (to a wonderful guy) about 6 months ago and one of the joys of being a married lady has been that the women in my family and community are suddenly all too happy to dish about sex! It was such a surprise when my aunt asked me how my husband and I were enjoying our "honeymoon sex" in the weeks following our wedding! It's like getting married gave me permission to enjoy sex without anyone thinking I'm a slut.

Weird, right?

But there it is. I have always liked sex and thought it was fun and I enjoy it even MORE now that I'm having it with a loving, open and trustworthy partner.

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Hohum
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Sex is definitely fun for me, it almost always has been. I'm the type of person that doesn't care to much about what others think of me, or my relationship, so if they don't like it.. Oh well!

My boyfriend is fantastic, and we have a healthy sexual relationship. We often make out just on whims, which does sometimes turn into sex. Our sex itself is also fun, but at the same time it's enjoyable and meaningful. We both love each other, so of course i manes something for us!

Though I have also had sex with partners that I did not feel so closely about, for the fun of it. I think just as long as you're careful (read: USE PROTECTION), and doing things with someone you trust, and that you know is healthy, then there is no harm in it.

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gluegun
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Having fun and enjoying sex is very positive for me. If sex was only a way for my partner and I to express our love for each other, we could just cuddle and not have to get all sweaty. I've only ever had sex with my current boyfriend, and I'm happy that I got to skip the first-time awkwardness by finding someone who loves to smile, laugh, moan, talk dirty and try new things.

I'm sort of bitter about sex education, because mine consisted of spending 4 weeks of health class looking at infected genitals. I am sure that this method is potentially scarring, but luckily I discovered masturbation and learned that sex is a wonderful and positive thing before I was scared away from my genitals completely.

I think masturbation is relevant to this topic. I mean, no one talks to young people about it. I guess since it only serves the purpose of being fun, it seems like it doesn't need to be talked about, but that's our first sexual experience. Most girls grow up thinking that they shouldn't do it, or they're weird for having already done it. It seems like culturally we still have this semi-victorian mindset that women should be indifferent towards sex. When I see sexual topics presented to teens, it's usually dealing with protection, and knowing when you're ready. Certainly those are important, but the idea of enjoying sex seems to get lost.

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Hohum
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quote:
Originally posted by gluegun:
Having fun and enjoying sex is very positive for me. If sex was only a way for my partner and I to express our love for each other, we could just cuddle and not have to get all sweaty. I've only ever had sex with my current boyfriend, and I'm happy that I got to skip the first-time awkwardness by finding someone who loves to smile, laugh, moan, talk dirty and try new things.

I'm sort of bitter about sex education, because mine consisted of spending 4 weeks of health class looking at infected genitals. I am sure that this method is potentially scarring, but luckily I discovered masturbation and learned that sex is a wonderful and positive thing before I was scared away from my genitals completely.

I think masturbation is relevant to this topic. I mean, no one talks to young people about it. I guess since it only serves the purpose of being fun, it seems like it doesn't need to be talked about, but that's our first sexual experience. Most girls grow up thinking that they shouldn't do it, or they're weird for having already done it. It seems like culturally we still have this semi-victorian mindset that women should be indifferent towards sex. When I see sexual topics presented to teens, it's usually dealing with protection, and knowing when you're ready. Certainly those are important, but the idea of enjoying sex seems to get lost.

I totally agree with the Sex Ed classes and masturbation thing. When I have kids I plan on talking to them about it when they hit 7th grade, or even sooner depending on if they're showing interest in boys/girls at that point of time.

Sex, masturbation, STIs, I'll go over the whole lot of it, and also give them this site if there's something they are too shy to ask me!

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meladie
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if sex isn't supposed to be fun....what IS it supposed to be?

i'm a pretty silly, happy-go-lucky person, and i'm sorry...i couldn't MAKE myself be serious during sex. deep, intense sex is good and all, but it feels weird until i make a joke or funny face to lighten the mood. during light-hearted sex, if you make a mistake, it's not a mistake.

one thing i like to do is if my boyfriend is getting a little too serious (someone has to keep him in check, why not me? lol!) i cross my eyes and see how long it takes him to notice...or i'll tickle him, or something fun. sex isn't like the movies...people have a sense of humor, muffin top, hairy feet, and sometimes (omg!) they fart. as far as i'm concerned, we should embrace ALL parts of humanity and sex. sometimes serious sex is good, and sometimes you just wanna have a tickle war.

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Onionpie
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meladie, I'm tempted to try your little game there; cross my eyes and see how long it takes for him to notice xD So funny, oh my god. You actually had me laughing out loud =P
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OneQuestion
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I feel that if you're safe and responsible sex can be very fun. This may be extreme but it's just my opinion, but I believe if two people use the proper safety measures and are comfortable with it they should be able to have sex. Weather it's a friend, a significant other or a hook-up. If you're safe and comfortable what is there to lose? Except maybe you're breath [Wink]
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