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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Is Bruising Normal?

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Author Topic: Is Bruising Normal?
goldeneagle
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Quick question: Is bruising on the woman normal after sex (fingering, intercourse, etc)? My girlfriend says its normal to be sore after, but I don't want to hurt her if possible.
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JamsessionVT
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To bruise someone takes some force, so I would not say it's normal, no.

And while soreness may happen if the woman is new to sex or if the sex was particularly rough, it is NOT normal otherwise.

Does your girlfriend bruise easily in other situations, or is she otherwise sensitive or have lower tolerance levels for pain?

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Abbie
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goldeneagle
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It does seem so. She plays soccer and gets lots of bruises from that (more than normal, I'd say). I'm not sure about her pain tolerance levels, she might be a bit more sensitive, but nothing that has been a problem for the 3 years we've been together. (We just started having sex about a half a year ago)
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JamsessionVT
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If she bruises easily, that might explain some of this. I also play a lot of soccer, and depending on your position, you can get knocked around quite a bit (though I'm a goalkeeper, so I think I'm biased...)

Where is she bruising when you finger her or have intercourse? Is it around her vaginal area, or other places on her body? Are you relatively gentle?

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Abbie
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goldeneagle
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She says it hurts in her vaginal area. The thing is I would go softer (especially when I finger her) but she says to "go harder" so I do then she ends up hurting... catch 22? she can't get off unless I go harder, but then she bruises.
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JamsessionVT
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I can see where this becomes problematic.

Have you discussed this with her? This is awfully conflicting for you, not wanting to hurt your partner but wanting to please her as well.

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Abbie
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Heather
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We all have different thresholds for pain and pleasure and where they intersect.

So, here's what I'd ask: is SHE enjoying what you two are doing? Is she okay with being sore after? Since you two have been sexually active for a while, has she been getting regular sexual healthcare? If so, might she just check in with her healthcare provider about this and just find out if she's in sound health, sans injuries?

As well, do YOU feel okay with the level of roughness she likes? Or is it troubling you?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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