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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » reached a surprising spot.

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Author Topic: reached a surprising spot.
ragazza di verde.
Neophyte
Member # 41828

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My boyfriend & I rarely experience discomfort during sex. Usually it is just a nice emotion, sometimes it's a much more..entrancing emotion; rarely do I feel uncomfortable or bored or confused or whatever emotion you can conjure.

However, the other day he reached a spot inside of me that sent me out of my body. When he was touching that spot, I felt a need for everything to be really intense; almost as if it made me want to break down, or scream, or basically just burst with some kind of emotion. It wasn't really a good feeling, and I was quite shocked by it. The thing is, the second he moved away from that spot, everything was peachy-keen and nice & normal again; and every time we went back, that feeling returned. We've been having sex for...well, about a year, so having this be the first time I've found someone that puts me in such a state is quite random, I think.

We're pretty calm, light-hearted & upbeat people, also; so it's kind of out of our character, which makes it even more strange.

So what I'm wondering is if there is a common spot like this in every female. And if so, what is this spot, & is it always going to be a weird spot, or is it kind of like the idea of acupunture, where if you work on a certain point for long enough you cure something? Or, if it's just a spot that we probably shouldn't venture to so often.

Posts: 9 | From: america | Registered: Jan 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bluejumprope
Scarleteen Volunteer
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In holistic medicine, our emotional lives and physical bodies are seen as deeply intertwined. Unresolved emotional issues are stored in our physical bodies (think of how stress causes a headache, or how your body can feel lighter when you're relieved), and certain kinds of physical touch often bring buried emotions to the surface.

After sexual abuse people usually have intense, difficult associations and feelings with genital touch or other kinds of physical contact. Even when there hasn't been specific genital abuse, genital contact can often bring up a lot of emotions for people--it is a very intimate part of ourselves, and sharing it with others often triggers intense emotions. It's common for genital touch to make us feel vulnerable or angry or overwhelmed.

I hear you describing yourself as calm, light-hearted and upbeat, but really all people experience a huge range of feelings. No one is just calm, or just angry, or just depressed. We're all incredibly complex and multi-faceted and experience painful emotions.

I think this is the sort of issue where you should really follow your instincts about how and at what pace to proceed. The idea I think you brought up, of pressing the spot for a long time to "cure" it, does sound somewhat dangerous to me though. The feelings you're talking about are pretty intense, and I think you should take a lot of care with yourself, and only explore these feelings when you feel ready.

I have to say, the way you described the feelings that came up was really beautiful, though I'm sorry it was so unsettling.

When we come in contact with parts of ourselves that are overwhelming or unfamiliar, it can be really disturbing. Digesting those feelings though is usually the path to both resolving the difficult feelings and a deeper sense of wellness and aliveness. A therapist can often be good support when navigating through these sorts of feelings.

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without tenderness, we are in hell. -Adrienne Rich

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bluejumprope
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I just wanted to bump this because I was hoping to hear other responses (both for the OP's sake because I felt somewhat out of my depth with this topic, and because I'm interested).

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without tenderness, we are in hell. -Adrienne Rich

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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It may or may not be as simple as being about a given "spot," but more the combination of a spot that is sensitive for you, in a given headspace, with a given activity, on a given day.

Ultimately, sex often accesses our emotions, and it's not always as simple as being happy or feeling nice about sex or a partner. It can sometimes access a whole range of emotions, some of which are challenging, difficult, new, whatever. And even light-hearted people have the capacity to experience deep emotion.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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ragazza di verde.
Neophyte
Member # 41828

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Thanks for the input; it made me more less worrisome about it. It seems like what you're saying is that it just triggered an emotion/feeling/etc., and the actual bringing up of it was nothing unexpected.

Also, it's really interesting what you say about how emotions are stored in parts of our bodies. On one level, I understood that, but not enough to put the pieces together; it makes total sense. I think that really helps me to understand what that experience was and how it happened in such a way; which also doesn't mean I have to deal with it if the emotion resurfaces and becomes uncomfortable.

Thanks for your help:]

[ 01-11-2009, 08:43 PM: Message edited by: ragazza di verde. ]

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