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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » My GF says I'm to big

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Author Topic: My GF says I'm to big
Blackstock
Neophyte
Member # 40589

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I'm a 49 year old male and shes a 56 year old female after 3 months of dating we made it to the next step in which it's been over 4 years for her.

She instructed me to go very slow and I followed her instructions, we had no foreplay but she did use lotion for lubrication it ended up being wonderful for both of us.

After a few days she called me on the phone and told me that she has been in pain all week and that she had a tear inside and that she would not be able to be intimate with me again that I was to large for her.

I have to say that she is a very small woman, but I'm not sure what to do now as this relationship may come to an end.

Posts: 2 | From: Austin Tx | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Blackstock, Scarleteen is intended for young people. We can help to some degree with older people, but for the most part, we ask that considerably older people please use adult resources much more available to them, and tailored to them, than to our users. It's important for us as an organization to put most of our time and energy into issues fro those in their teens and twenties, and to have content here be about them.

And this may well be very much age-related in a way that has nothing to do with our users issues. Your partner is at an age where she most likely is either pre-menopausal, in menopause, or post-menopause. Often, just before, during or after menopause, vaginal intercourse is something that gets very different for women due to massive changes in lubrication and thinning of the vaginal tissue. That's not about your size: it's about making sure the kinds of sex you are having work with where her body is at, which usually means always using a good lubricant, always engaging in a LOT of foreplay, making sex more about sexual activities besides intercourse, etc.

By the way, someone's body weight or size has nothing to do with their genitals.

So, if you two are still dating, I'd suggest you both just read up on this (if you're dating in your age group, it's going to be pertinent for you even if you two don't see each other again) or that she talk to her OB/GYN about this. There is a lot of good lit out now in most bookstores pertaining to menopause and its effects, including sexual effects. (Of course, intercourse for a majority of women with zero foreplay doesn't tend to feel very good, no matter their age.)

However, if she is saying she doesn't want to see you anymore, period, that's a moot point, and it probably isn't just about sex.

[ 10-10-2008, 03:38 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Blackstock
Neophyte
Member # 40589

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Sorry and thank you, it was very helpful.
Posts: 2 | From: Austin Tx | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ASargent42
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 28733

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(Just a side note: lotion is not the best idea for lubrication. You would be better off using a lubrication intended for sexual purposes, such as astroglide or any other water soluble lube.
Lotion isn't intended to be used on genital tissue like the vagina, and can lead to irritation.)

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Amanda
Scarleteen Volunteer

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Posts: 1152 | From: New Hampshire | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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No need to be sorry, we just want to keep it pertinent, and menopause-based sexual issues are a long way off for our users. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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