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Author Topic: should i do it?
february
Neophyte
Member # 40065

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or should i not?
i haven't yet been able to decide.
there's someone i like a little bit, but i don't want a relationship (i want to stay single), and he doesn't want a relationship. we're just friends with benefits and we've been doing a lot lately. i really want to go all the way with him but i'm not sure what would happen if we did. i don't want to turn into a booty call. so i've always tried to keep the rule with myself that for us to do that much he has to be my boyfriend and we have to be to the point where we care about each other already. but there's never going to be a relationship with this one, so it all just depends on what i want from this and myself.

what should i do??

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I'm a little confused, because it's sounding to me like you're saying YOU want a "booty call" kind of relationship. friends who are sexually active together and only want a sexual relationship...well, that's kind of what that is.

So, I'm hearing you express what sound like conflicting wants. You're saying he has to be a boyfriend, but that that's not what either of you wants?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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february
Neophyte
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i think maybe i'm wondering more of what do i want sex to mean to me? do i want it to be more sacred and special and only be with a few people my entire life? or do i want it to be more casual and be okay with being with a lot of people? i don't really know..
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, then it might be that you need to give yourself more time to figure that out?

Obviously, if you want to leave the possibility open and only have a few partners, you can't experiment much with the other route.

So, what seems most sound to me is to spend more time sans sexual partnership so you can think about all of this some more for yourself. It might also be helpful to you to talk with a few different people who have made not just both of those different choices, but the more common big span in between those two poles. If you do, you're likely to hear people express that it's actually not quite that polar (for instance, I've had more sexual partners than most, and have easily found casual sex which was very sacred and special, and sex in committed partnerships which was neither, and vice-versa), which might make things seem even more complex, but it might help inform your own opinions and wants better.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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