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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Lack of orgasm...

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Author Topic: Lack of orgasm...
sasha1042
Neophyte
Member # 40041

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Hey, so I have some awkward questions about orgasms during intercourse. Basically, my boyfriend and I have been having sex for a few months, but neither of us orgasm from penetration. Is this normal?? He wasn't a virgin when we started, but I was, and I feel like there's something I should be doing - a way to please him more. I think it doesn't help that I worry about it - he's really eager to please me, but then he doesn't come and I don't know what to do. We both come from manual or oral sex - is it just that penetration isn't for us, or is there a way to make it work??
Posts: 2 | From: Scotland | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Horizon
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 35890

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Intercourse alone typically does not lead to orgasm in females. The vast majority of males do orgasm from intercourse, however. And there's nothing wrong with the fact that he has not yet-- so if intercourse is otherwise pleasurable for you two, it may help to just practice and experiment with new positions and things of the like. Keep in mind that the goal of sex is not always orgasm-- if it feels good and you both like to do it, don't let a lack of orgasm ruin those feelings. Do you see what I'm getting at? It also may help to not concentrate on worrying if one or both of you will orgasm-- enjoying what you're feeling and keeping relaxed is what will bring you there easier.

Of course, since you said both of you can reach orgasm through manual or oral sex, there is nothing wrong with combining those activities with intercourse if you like, or just focusing on manual and oral.

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-Kayla
Scarleteen Volunteer

"A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses." -Hippocrates

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cool87
Activist
Member # 29292

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The more pressure you and your partner put on yourselves to have an orgasm, the less likely you are to actually get one. So how about trying not to think too much about it for a while and see how that goes ? That alone might just be the key.

Too, it's worth remembering than an orgasm isn't all there is to sex. Not orgasming from intercourse, although it can sometimes be frustrating, doesn't necessarily keep you or your partner from experiencing pleasure during it.

Does your partner happen to be nervous/worried about intercourse ? Because that, right here, could be another reason why he can't get an orgasm during intercourse.

I don't think him not being able to have an orgasm during intercourse has something to do with you, it mostly have something to do with him. But, by all means, if you'd like to know what pleases your partner sexually, then simply ask him what he likes and what kind of stimulation he prefers for example. That's also something your partner should do. Communication is important in a relationship.

As for you not being able to orgasm from intercourse neither, most women can't orgasm from intercourse alone mostly because the vagina doesn't have much nerve endings compared to other parts of the female body such as the clitoris. Are you coupling intercourse with another kind of stimulation such as clit play for example ? That is something that might be worth trying.

If you find that intercourse just isn't pleasurable for the both of you, one possibility is to simply opt out of it. There are plenty of other sexual activities that can be more pleasurable for the both of you.

(Mindmeld ! I'm so late...)

[ 08-28-2008, 08:38 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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