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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Long and complicated, Sex & Such.

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Author Topic: Long and complicated, Sex & Such.
Member # 38729

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Alright. This is long, but I need advice on several things. For reference, I'm 15 almost 16. So, I was dating my ex boyfriend for two years, he never wanted to have sex but we'd makeout and I'd give him handjobs and blowjobs, you know. About a month ago we broke up and recently I've started seeing a new guy. This new guy isn't a virgin, his last girlfriend was two years older than him (18 years) and they had sex, alot. I know thats not a rumor because we've talked about it, but spared the dirty details, hah! When we started dating I made an appointment to get birth control, just as a preventative. Not because I instantly wanted to have sex.. But anyway, he hasn't asked if I wanted to have sex yet but I know that he wants to, how do i tell him that i really want to be in love first? He knows I'm a virgin. I really do like him alot but I'm not ready and I don't know how to bring that up in conversation. Also, I'm too nervous to give him a blowjob or handjob because my last boyfriend was the first i'd done that too and he never gave much feedback so i'm not sure if i'm okay or not and I don't want this new guy to think i'm a big loser. So, I'd really appreciate any advice you can offer me. =)
Posts: 2 | From: United States | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Sure thing.

What I'd suggest is just initiating a conversation that pretty much is just you stating, for the sake of both of you knowing what the what is, that you don't know his expectations about sex with you, but that you know, for yourself, that you're going to need some time before you can figure out if that's something you want right now, and what it is you're comfortable with. You can then ask how he's feeling and what he feels like about all of this.

Needing time to suss all of this out, and/or until you feel comfortable with sex with someone doesn't make you a loser. [Smile] It makes you someone who is aware of the fact that sex is a pretty big deal for most people, yourself included, and who is doing her best to make choices she can live with. That's basic self-care and maturity, not loserdom.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Blue Koi
Member # 39785

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Here is a thread where Scarleteens talked about on how they approached the subject. This might help you feel more comfortable:

Sound off on... sexual negotiation success stories & helpful hints

Also, think about this: If worse case senario DOES happen and he DOES this you're a real you want to date a person like that?

"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."

Posts: 171 | From: USA/CHINA | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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