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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Nervous About Sex Decisions

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Author Topic: Nervous About Sex Decisions
katiebird
Activist
Member # 33821

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I’ve had sex with my boyfriend twice before, and both times we’ve used condoms. However, afterwards I get very nervous that I’ll miss my period and then the unthinkable (to me) will happen. I am strictly against taking the pill, so we’re choosing just to use a condom. But a condom is only one form of protection. I’m so nervous that I ask my boyfriend to pull out before he comes. Are we taking a dangerous risk? Or would it be alright to continue to just use condoms? Also, is there anyway to tell whether something went wrong? The last two times after he pulled out I vigorously checked the condom for tears or anything, and there were none, but is it even possible to detect them?

Also, since sex sometimes is pulling…well, in and out (fully) I’m worried. Since when a guy pulls out, isn’t he supposed to hold onto the condom? But if he’s pulling out and going back in during sex, would you still do that (hold onto the condom).

I want to have sex again but I’m so nervous. I naturally worry about everything. I’m also very nervous about getting condoms and lubricant at my local CVS - and whether we’re getting the best. I know that the lubricant should be water-based, and I was looking at KY. And the condoms should be thin to reduce friction, latex free, have lube, and is spermicidal (I’m looking at LifeStyles).

Posts: 90 | From: east | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You can still use a secondary method of birth control if you like that isn't the pill. Condoms and pills aren't your only choices.

It is fine to just use condoms (they're 98% effective in perfect use, and 85% effective with typical use), and it is usually obvious when condoms fail -- they rip or slip off -- but given your level of worry, it sounds to me like if you're going to stay sexually active with intercourse, you'd feel better adding a secondary method. Withdrawal can count as that so long as your partner doesn't space out holding the base of the condom when he withdraws, which can be easy to space. There are other secondary methods which are not pills but are also both more foolproof and not such a bummer for your partner.

When in the middle of intercourse, no one needs to hold on to the base, since the condom isn't full of ejaculate. It's during or after ejaculation where it's critical.

I just finished doing this for the site today, which appears timely: The Buddy System: Effectiveness Rates for Backing Up Your Birth Control With a Second Method.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
katiebird
Activist
Member # 33821

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What about choosing lubricant and condoms? Should you pick ones up that say they are thin, or will regular condoms already be thin? I’m thinking the best method is to get thin condoms which are already lubricated, and add your own water-based lubricant such as KY or Astroglide. Is that true? Or can you not add a different type of lube to the condom? And when using lubricants for condoms, can those same lubricants also just be used for other things, such as manual sex (to a guy)?

[And now I'm busy reading that article]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Most condoms anymore are thinner than they used to be, but when you see a condom which says it's thinner or provides more sensation, it's fine to choose those. The thinner the condom, the more sensation both partners will usually have, and since thinner = less friction, they're either just as safe if not safer.

Whether a condom has lube already or not doesn't matter when you're using extra lube, which you should with either. You just only want to be sure to use lubes meant for sexual and vaginal use, and ditch anything flavored or with any weird additives like numbing agents. And lubes for use with condoms can also be used for other activities as well.

And if you've got any questions about possible secondary methods for you, I'm happy to help.

[ 06-01-2008, 08:41 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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