My little sister (now 15) is receiving all this abstinence-until-marriage ed stuff at school now. Like they did the demonstration with the tape (which they of course gendered as "Miss Tape") during which the tape sticking to something was supposed to represent a relationship, and the tape got less sticky with each resticking. And they told the kids "Do you want to know how to have really great sex?... Really great sex is had within marriage."
My mom doesn't necessarily believe that stuff, but she's also not strongly opposed to it. (her marriage sex isn't great, but she's morally uncomfortable with people having many partners, and she herself didn't even know about contraception until she learned it from her first partner in college and is convinced it's okay for people to just wait to learn about sex until they have their first serious partner).
So, anyway, my sister is in a LTR with a guy three years her senior (18). He's saving himself for marriage, but my sister has informed me that oral sex, though something they haven't done yet, doesn't count. He may break up with her when he goes to college, but if so, I'm sure she will get another boyfriend, as being "normal" and sociable is very important to her.
I'm just wondering if you feel like I should try to provide more sex ed for her, or if anything I can do would help her? I bought her a book awhile back that talked about a variety of different topics and was aimed at teens and young adults, but I don't think she really read it much (or if she did, she didn't absorb it/didn't care). She actually gets pretty offended when I talk about things like the "Miss Tape" thing being sexist b***sh**, b/c she sees that as me acting snobby b/c I went to a good college and live in the city now. I don't think she necessarily believes everything they tell her at school either, I just get the impression she doesn't really know what to believe, w/ so many mixed messages.
The thing is, I tried to show her the website once before and she responded with disinterest, and I'm afraid she'd see me directing her to the website would be in the same vein as giving her the book. I'm afraid she sees a lot of me trying to educate her as a political us vs. them mentality (me being on the side of areligious, northern liberals, and her and her friends being southern Christians, if that makes sense). So she's inclined to see anything I push at her as being part of some political war or me being snobby and trying to tell "her people" (friends, ministers, teachers, etc.) that they're wrong, if that makes sense.
Also, even though I agree with most of the articles on this site I feel this site presents enough issues from basically one side (a very liberal side, by US standards. Such as the idea that no mutually consensual relationship arrangement is amoral) that I'm afraid my sister might just tune it out.
Ever heard the saying "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink"? I think that's basically what you've got going on here. Our site does present things from a more liberal standpoint, but it isn't unfair towards more conservative Christians either. (If it was, heck, I wouldn't be here, as a very conservative Orthodox Christian myself.)
Let me just ask, are you trying to make it a political issue?
If so, I think you may have to put that aside for the moment, as your sister isn't receptive to it, and you can't change people who refuse to hear.
What if you just gave her material pertinent to her current situation? For example, some of these articles may be useful to her considering the fact that, at this point, they're not planning on having intercourse (and having skimmed through these just now, I didn't catch any obvious sections she might object to for political reasons):
If she's feeling confronted by you, maybe something you could try is printing these out and just leaving them on her bed or desk for her to find. I know that helped with my little sister- she wouldn't hear a word I had to say if I tried to talk to her, but after leaving stuff on her desk, she timidly came into my room to ask questions about what she'd read.
Just some ideas.
[Edit: too, if she herself is religious, she may be too afraid to show any interest in this stuff with her big sis around. Unfortunately, a lot of Christian leaders teach their congregations to be ashamed of their sexuality. ]
So maybe this isn't an option for you- but is there anyone else that you would trust to talk to her? Because she might just be determined not to listen to you... It happens that way with sisters sometimes, I should know I'm the younger one... In my case though, my sister happens to be more conservative and I'm more liberal.. but I know I was pretty determined not to listen to her when I was younger-- and sometimes even now... So it might be worth it, if you can stand it and if it's even an option, to find someone you trust and see if they wouldnt mind easing into the subject with her.
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