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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » comfortable but clueless

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Author Topic: comfortable but clueless
**MoonBaby**
Neophyte
Member # 34106

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My boyfriend and I have started having sex recently. I've slept with another person before, but it was once. Now since my boyfriend are getting the hang of it, he says he wants it to get a little more rough but no S&M sort of thing. So I started using my nails during sex, but he still says he has yet to see the "smoldering temptress". I'm okay with doing everything, but I have no clue what to do...

Any tips or advice to spice it up would be nice. :]

Posts: 4 | From: Here. | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, sounds like you're saying you simply want your boyfriend to be a little more clear in terms of what he wants. So ultimately, he's the guy to ask about this. if he's got a pretty detailed and explicit fantasy he wants to act out, the impetus is on him to make it clear: you're not clueless just because you're not psychic. [Smile]

I'd just make sure that in that conversation, you also bring to the table the fact that when we're bringing fantasy to reality, we've got to take our partner's natures into account. In other words, while there's nothing wrong with some role play every now and then, there is a problem if you feel like you're always playing a part, and your partner isn't satisfied with you just being you during sex most of the time.

So, make sure that's also on the table, and that what YOU want is also part of your sexual equation.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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cool87
Activist
Member # 29292

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Welcome to Scarleteen ! [Smile]

Are you comfortable with what your boyfriend proposed ? You said you were okay with it but yet is this something you are more than okay with : is this something you'd like to do too ? Because if you are not interested in doing this kind of things, then there is no point in doing it really just to please your boyfriend.

If you are interested in trying, then I suggest you ask your boyfriend about what he'd like you to do and how he'd like you to do those things. Because that is difficult to guess what he really want here. We simply can't read his mind.

(Edited: Mindmeld ! [Smile] )

[ 05-29-2007, 08:09 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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**MoonBaby**
Neophyte
Member # 34106

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I'm comfortable with it. I know I have a big problem with my self esteem which makes it akward sometimes between us. But I'm willing to basically do anything for him. Apart of me just says to go wild and just do something spontanious. But there's also the shy part of me too. Thats the one that kicks in most of the time, so I dont have any ideas.

I guess I will end up taling to him [Smile]
Thanks so much!

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, your shy-side should get airtime, too. One can be shy -- or just a bit mnore reserved -- without being passive. Even people who aren't shy have plenty of sex that isn't gonzo or scratching-and-yelping, you know?

Sounds like you're pretty self-aware, and that's great. So long as you keep that awareness going when you communicate, and keep grounded per knowing that "doing anything" for a partner isn't always healthy, especially if it doesn't feel authentic to us.

So, the trick after all that communication and experimenting is just to strike a good balance: for both partners to address what their partners like and what is good for them, but to put just as much energy and stock in what feels natural and normal for the other.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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