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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Huh that's odd...

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Author Topic: Huh that's odd...
the shiney
Neophyte
Member # 33571

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Here's something that's been bothering me for awhile about myself. My boyfriend and I have been growing more intimate over the past 2 months (I'm still a 'virgin' though he is not so no home runs yet, I'm not ready for that) and while I've gone into it with more ease than I ever imagined I would be able to, I've noticed that his touches don't really effect me. Fondling my breasts with hands or mouth doesn't feel like anything or do much. Touches further down south, while not painful or uncomfortable, aren't anything special neither. During intense rubbing and humping my heart rate doesn't increase dramatically like his, my skin doesn't get hot and sweaty, and my breathing doesn't elevate to anything near panting; so generally I'm not all 'hot-and-bothered' even after previous stimulation. Afterwards he's usually acting as if he had run a mile in a minute and I've actually yawned as soon as activity has stopped. There's not a lot of tingles, not a lot of throbbing, not a lot of warm sensations, but when I read or look at erotic things I get such responses and get aroused but as soon as I throw in touch, it fizzles out.

Now going with the theory that you need to know yourself first to help a partner satisfy you, I've noticed the same things when I fly solo, be it now or in the past once I thought back to those experiences. I can't even get a response from myself! I've tried varying touches thinking that maybe I hadn't found what is right for me, but when it comes down to it, I get BORED with it and whatever pleasure there is get's to a certain point (I don't think it's very high) and just plateaus.

Maybe my inexperience to these sorts of things has me missing something though I have surely done my research. What does feel good to me I have pointed out to him and even his undivided attention to that produces no results for me. While I know the male and female responses can be different, I should at least experience some sort of response, am I right?

It's getting to be extremely aggravating even though I don't feel unfulfilled and restlessly aroused because of it. Does anyone have any ideas they can bounce off of me to maybe shed some light on this? I don't want to have to lie to him anymore because yes, sadly, I confess that I've thrown in a bit of theatrics once or twice.

Posts: 3 | From: USA | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Here's the missing ingredient, and I'll give you an anology so it might make more sense.

When we go to the gynecologist every year, right, we're getting genitally touched and yet, for the majority of us, it isn't erotic, doesn't get us turned on, and doesn't feel arousing. And that's not because, so much, of the way we're being touched, but because the setting is such that we don't tend to walk in being aroused or become aroued -- mentally, not physically.

So, for partnered sex or masturbation to often feel fantabulius, you've got to be at least somewhat keyed-up before it starts in the first place, as it starts, and throughout.

So, let's get out of the bedroom for a minute. When you're just hanging out with this boyfriend, maybe when you're kissing, or when you smell him, and close to him, watching him...are you feeling any kind of strong desire? Do you start to feel physically aroused at all before you're touched? Would you say you do feel sexual/physical cehmistry with this person, as well as by yourself during the times you go to masturbate?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
the shiney
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To answer the question: Yeah, I do feel desire and I do have moments of arousal focused on him, and that's where I start to raise an eyebrow and think 'Huh? What the hell is going on?' Sometimes when I'm even the one to instigate or who wants the intimatacy, things just start to flicker out.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Just checking all the bases here.

In general, how's your health?

Suffer from any kind of depression?

On any hormonal birth control methods?

Do you still feel that same chemistry once you're really in the thick of it, ever? If not, is it at all possible that you really just aren't feeling big chemistry with this person, or just aren't all that interested in sex yet, period?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
the shiney
Neophyte
Member # 33571

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My health's pretty much normal. I'm pretty much an optimistic person, and I'm a bit adverse to BC that can mess with my hormone levels after seeing a lot of my friend's have problems with things such as that.

But now that you mention it and since I've put more thought into the issue, it very well could be that I'm not interested in it completely. It's never been at the top of my priorities while going through those rampant teenage years. I knew sex through theory instead of practice and I think I look towards my boyfriend more for the love and support rather then the ecstasy. Maybe I'm just too used to that.

Ok, now I'm just thinking out loud haha. Thanks a lot for addressing this, it helped to get more of it off my chest too. [Smile]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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...or maybe you're just not there yet.

You know, for plenty of people, sex being high-key kind of comes and goes in waves and phases of their lives. You may find that five years from now, you're a crazy-sex-monkey, but then twenty years from now, you have another phase where it's just not all that interesting. Too, sometimes things run hotter in some relationships than they do in others.

Too, for some people it's just NEVER something that is a big priroity for them or that really gets their blood moving: some folks in the world are just....well, less sexual than other people. And that's okay, too: as with anything else, we all differ in our different ways.

If it turns out you're one of those people, it may be important to be sure that you're entering into romantic and/or sexual relationships only with others who are also like that, or have lower libidos or less frequent interests in sex.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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