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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » question

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starryeyedxox
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Hi,I had sex for the first time with my bestfriend and it was ok but i was really nervous soo i couldnt keep still for long the whole time because it hurt alot and i was nervous . Then after he started acting really weird and when i asked him what was wrong he said that i totally freaked him out from moving around alot even though i couldnt help it. Then we got into a big argument and now he doesnt want to talk to me and i dont have any idea what i should do because i want our friendship back. any advice would be appreciated!
thanks,

Posts: 5 | From: Long Beach | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JamsessionVT
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I'm not sure I understand what happened.

You do realize that by having intercourse with your friend, you are undoubtably going to change the relationship. Very rarely can two people have intercourse, especially those that aren't in romantic relationships already, and have everything be the same afterwards.

That said, I don't understand why he is angry. Is the moving around because you were uncomfortable or in pain during intercourse? If so, he should understand that, instead of taking it personally.

Too, though, we don't know what was said in the conversation, but if this is the only reason he is angry, he could embarrassed or humiliated for whatever reason, or acting irrationally. So if there is something you aren't telling us, you need to fill us in.

Let things lie for a couple days. Time tends to smooth things over at least a little bit. Then you can give him a call or talk to him at school, wherever, so maybe you can better understand why he is upset.

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Abbie
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Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
starryeyedxox
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When i told him that it hurt he just kept saying taht it coulnt have hurt that bad. and now hes telling me hes not mad anymore but he doesnt want to be friends anymroe and he wont even tell me what i did wrong? and when i asked him why he dosnt want to talk to me he said he doesnt know so he doesnt even have a good reason ...im really quite confuesed
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stupidbf
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Maybe he just doesn't know how to handle the situation and thinks that by ignoring it ever happened will make it go away. He's likely just as confused as you.

Like Jam said, give him time to cool off and then talk. You don't have to bring sex right back up and start talking about the situation, but just try to start talking. Don't ignore him, say Hi if you see him, small talk, whatever. But if you stop talking completly also, it's going to be even harder to start talking again.

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starryeyedxox
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Okay i will give it a try
thanks alot!! [Smile]

Posts: 5 | From: Long Beach | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Surferchk07
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Seeing as how he was your friend first hes probably just freaked out that yall had sex and now hes worried you wont be able to be friends again or you will want something serious. or maybe he wants more than to be friends and hes worried you wouldnt.

anything could be going thru his mind, but being friends and having sex as friends can complicate things majorly.

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Elizabeth

"Peace is not the absence of war; it is a virtue; a state of mind; a disposition for benevolence; confidence; and justice." -Spinoza

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starryeyedxox
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okay well this all happened about 2 weeks ago maybe. Should I still leave him alone for a while or try talking to him?
thanks,

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Surferchk07
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quote:
Originally posted by starryeyedxox:
okay well this all happened about 2 weeks ago maybe. Should I still leave him alone for a while or try talking to him?
thanks,

I say give him another week or two. If he still is ingoring you go up to him and say something along the lines of "hey were friends first" or something.

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Elizabeth

"Peace is not the absence of war; it is a virtue; a state of mind; a disposition for benevolence; confidence; and justice." -Spinoza

Posts: 154 | From: Seattle, WA | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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