posted
My boyfriend expects me to make sounds during sex like screaming and moaning to show I'm 'high'. Is this normal? I feel really odd making sounds but he keeps pressuring me. Help!
Posts: 5 | From: singapore | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
What your boyfriend is doing is not okay. How you express what you're feeling during sex is totally individual and totally up to you and if you're not comfortable being 'noisy' and if it's just not what you do, then you don't do it. Your boyfriend shouldn't be pressuring you into anything.
Let him know that this isn't okay with you and that you don't like him pressuring you in this way. If he doesn't understand that and/or if he's also pressuring you in other areas of your relationship, you might want to evaluate whether you want to be in a relationship with this guy.
-------------------- -joey Scarleteen Volunteer
"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand Posts: 8422 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005
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posted
Some people are noisy when they're having sex, and others just aren't into that or don't feel the need to make noise. If it doesn't feel natural or right to you to be screaming or moaning, then don't. If your boyfriend is pressuring you to do something you're not comfortable with, then having a talk with him (outside the context of sex) is a good idea.
It sounds a bit like he's clinging to expectations that culture and movies have built up that everyone who is really enjoying themselves during sex is a screamer or loud moaner but that's simply not true. Plenty of people who stay more or less silent during sex are still enjoying themselves plenty, so you might want to let him know that too.
-------------------- Unlucky at cards; lucky at love. Posts: 1679 | From: London, ON | Registered: Jan 2003
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There are a few angles from which your topic could be viewed...so let's begin.
First, let me play off of what wobblyheadedjane was talking about. More men than you'd think have this fixation with "satisfying" their partners. As stated previously, there is an expectation created by popular culture that if sex is enjoyable to a woman, she's going to moan and scream. Your boyfriend might have fallen into this trap, and would thus explain why he wants to have you moan and make noise. It's a sign to him that he's satisfying you. Now, with that said, moaning and noise making doesn't mean you're enjoying one thing over another. Some people make their enjoyment known verbally, while others do not. For instance, I really love ice cream, but you won't see me screaming in ecstacy over a hot fudge brownie sundae at Dairy Queen. (lol) Teach him about what feels good to you. He doesn't have an instruction manual telling him what to do. If satisfying you is his main concern, tell him that there are a host of different non-verbal cues that he can pick up on to signal that you're enjoying your time together. Examples might be heavier or rapid breathing, a flush face or upper chest, involuntary muscle spasms, and the list goes on.
This leads me to the next possible explanation: He wants you to moan and make noise because it turns HIM on. Again, popular culture has drilled into the male psyche and put all sorts of ideas in there about "what is a turn-on" to heterosexual men. However, popular culture or not, if it's a big turn-on to him, that may explain why he's so intent on having you make noise. (But if you're not comfortable with that, it does not excuse his pressuring tactics.)
Finally: this has to do with what you like to do. Again, talk with your bf about this, but if you don't want to make noise...don't. Sexual enjoyment is all about "enjoyment." Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something that you don't enjoy.
Your boyfriend could be one of two things: 1. Just misguided about how people show their arousal, or 2. In the wrong for pressuring you to do something that is outside your comfort zone.
In either case, getting things out into the open will be the first step to your solution.
I wish you the best of luck. And please remember...this is my opinion on the matter. Take from it only what helps you.
Posts: 71 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2006
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-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63358 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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I think thats really true..He started pressuring me after watching a movie about orgasm and the likes. Its time for 'the talk' Posts: 5 | From: singapore | Registered: Mar 2006
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