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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » hymen still left !

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Author Topic: hymen still left !
cool87
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Okay, I know you may find this really crazy and I don't ask that because I'm too concerned about my body or anything, I ask that because last time I went to the gyn he told me something and that's been bothering me since.

Here's the thing. I always tought the hymen stretches away with time and physical activity and tampon use and masturbation.

Remember I had problems with vaginal insertions : dildo, fingers. Last time I went to the gyn, he looked at me and told me that I didn't had an intact hymen but I still had a little bit of hymen left more than a sexually active person normally would. And the way he explained it to me was that it was not completly stretched, there was only a small hole in it. They really tought I was lying when I told them I had vaginal penetration because it would have been far more stretched if I would have had sex with a guy an average penis. (don’t laugh, you’ll understand later) And I had been to some extend sexually active which is kind of embarassing.

Well, the only partner I had sex with, well vaginal sex, (my last partner) (I can say that now since I'm not with him anymore) was really really small, no kidding. Far smaller than a normal penis. He must really have had a condition..(I was afraid to ask him) I know I had two other partners before and they had like a penis like at least twice the size of my last partner. And I'm really serious here. So maybe that explains that in part.

And that explains also the pain I had when I tried to insert a dildo or something like that. I do use a sex object but it's really small, I'd say maybe half the size of a dildo and that still hurts a little bit when I insert it or when fingering. Because, like he said, the hymen ring is like moving and it is connected to the vagina walls which have nerve endings and that can cause a little bit of pain.

That's one of the reason why he told me to go gradually with sex and one of the reason why this hurt.

So now, that you understand more my condition I have a question. (sorry for the sort of lecture but I tought this might help) He didn't talked to me about surgery so I guess it is not resilient. But do you guys think there's a probability it will stretch away on its own even though it didn't already ? I’d hate to think I’d have to stretch it through masturbation or partnered sex because that is likely to cause pain right ?

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Heather
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It does wear away over time. Just not always by THIS time in a woman's life.

The hymen itself doesn't have nerve endings, but the vaginal opening its connected to does. If your doctor did not think it was resilient, then yes, it likely still wear away as hymens do.

Might you still have some discomfort with vaginal entry left? You might. But as we've talked about before, severe pain you have is MUCH more likely to be about not being fully aroused, not having a patient, responsive partner, not doing things gradually, not using lube as needed, etc.

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cool87
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But that's kind of unbelivable I still have an hymen at my age right ? I mean, I'm aware it's not an intact hymen but there's still more left than normally !

[ 10-20-2006, 04:25 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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cool87
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But do you think it will take more than one intercourse for it to stretch ?

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Heather
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Gradually, and over time. That's a key phrase. So, no: having vaginal intercourse once tends not to wear away a partial hymen. It's a gradual process.

And no, it's not unbelieveable: you're not even 20, are you? And have only relatively recently -- as in, no more than the past couple of years, if that -- been sexually active or regularly masturbating?

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cool87
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No, I'm 19.

I've started being sexually active this year, yes(but again it's not something like full intercourse and all, it was more like oral sex). I was not at all with other partners the years before.

and I've also started masturbating this year if we talk about vaginal stimulation. Of course, clitoral stimulation was a little before this year.

So if I'm totally relax and all, that shouldn't really hurt when it will be stretched right ? (Because some of my friends said it hurt until their hymen were fully stretched. It must have been because they were not relaxed)

But it's a little bit disturbing though to have that for a few intercourses.

[ 10-20-2006, 05:21 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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cool87
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Thanks Heather !!

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Heather
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I'm willing to bet your friends likely didn't even know where their hymens WERE, honestly. I'm also willing to bet that even if they did, they weren't charting its progress with a hand mirror and a notebook each day. I bet if you asked same friends what their hymens looked like, most or all couldn't even tell you that.

So again, if you have a partial hymen, until it wears away for the most part, you are not likely to have things feel as swell as they will when it's done with its business.

But you still should not be having side-splitting pain, because again, the hymen itself has NO nerve endings and it's stretchy. If you're doing everything else you need to -- including not doing penetration just because -- then while you may still experfience some discomfort due to it, it should not be by any stretch severe.

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cool87
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(edited I got my answer)

[ 10-20-2006, 07:25 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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cool87
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And by the way, my partial hymen can cause me to bleed a little right since it is not stretched enough for an average penis to enter?

[ 10-21-2006, 08:56 AM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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cool87
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I'm afraid, since the opening of my hymen is not big enough, there is far more chances it will tear and cause bleeding than stretch. Am I okay thinking this ?

I know you said it's stretchy Heather, but is it in all cases when we are not talking about a resilient hymen ? In my case, it would not be supposed to tear even if the hole is not big enough ?

Sorry to bother you with my question. I tried to find my answer elsewhere but they all say that the hymen breaks (not stretch)and they talk about an intact hymen which doesn't even exist (or a girl wouldn't be able to have her menses !) so that doesn't lead me far.

[ 10-21-2006, 10:12 AM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Heather
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"Reslient" hymen is the term for a hymen which does not erode at all, or where even with the micro-openings needed for vaginal fluids and menstruation, it's not going to wear away, and NO entry is possible. Those DO actually exist -- and rarely, but not even THAT rarely: last I checked, it was in about 1 out of every few thousand women.

And those are the women who will need a hymenectomy. But, as you've said, your doctor did not consider you to be in that position. Obviously, though, you can always ask for a second opinion.

(I so, so wish it was time for Hanne's book, Virgin, to come out: she's done more unbiased research at this point on the hymen than anyone I know has. Lucky me, she's shared it with me.)

Anyway, again, unless you or a partner are being forceful, you still should not be dealing with a big tear. Even just with the wearning away, though, there may be some bleeding or spotting. And again, it wears away -- even "stretching" isn't really an accurate description.

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cool87
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So there's nothing to be really worry about ?

Are there a lot of girls who have that also ?

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Heather
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EVERYONE, pretty much, has a stage where their hymen is in flux. The exceptions would be those of us who DID simply have an outright tear via a rape or forced sex or injury or those who have resilient hymens which do NOT erode.

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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cool87
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Thanks Heather for always being here to answer my questions ! [Smile]

[ 10-21-2006, 10:35 AM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Heather
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Aw, you're welcome.

(Even though I confess I got a lecture from my Dad when he was visiting here that I should work a lot less and be a lot less available to everyone.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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cool87
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Bumping this thread is not my intention but I have a question linked to this post so I thought it was better here.

So my question is can my hymen cause incomfort even when something small like a finger is inserted (I have this sensation when it is inserted or when it goes back and forth, it's not that great) ? I don't have any pleasure, it feels weird and I have sort of a burning sensation like at the opening(and I look where it burn and there's like this piece of skin that cover my vagina, all around it that looks like the hymen: I'm no expert but I guess it's that) Can it be caused by my hymen or is it due to something else like an infection ?I have to admit though that it's really often like that so if that's an infection I would have been dealing with it for a long time now. And this only feels like that when I do that or a few minutes after that and then it gos away.

And I did use lubricant, were completly relaxed when I did that. I just thought it would be getting better over time but I guess it's not. Do I have a problem or it's normal ?

And yeah, I intend to stop doing that given it's a little uncomfortable. I guess this isn't going to feel pleasurable until my hymen completly wears away if it is caused by that, and that, if it ever feels pleasurable.

[ 10-25-2006, 07:41 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Heather
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Know the Hallelujah chorus? Yanno..."HAllelujah, hallelujah, ha-la-ay-lu-oo-ya....?"

When I read posts like this, I find myself singing to that tune.."O-verthinking, overthinking, oh-oh-oh-oh-verthinking!"

[Smile]

In other words, seriously, you gotta sweat this stuff a lot less, focus on it a lot less.

Some of what I suspect is that when you do things like this, you have your clinical mind on, so you're not hot and heavy enough to even enjoy what you're doing much regardless of a hymen issue. You've recently had a GYN visit, right? And not had sexual partnership since? And got a clean bill of health? if so, no need to worry about infection.

Why not focus on what DOES feel good for you and just not worrying about what doesn't for now? I mean, no one is required to stick their fingers into their vagina (sparing if you're using tampons or a menstrual cup), and for a lot of women, that isn't so exciting plenty of the time anyway.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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cool87
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Well I'll try not to be too overanalytical next time okay.

So what you suggest is to stop doing that. But I thought that by doing that, that was just not resolving the problem, that it is like postponing it because at one time or another it will come out again and there will still be the same problem. I just don't think it totally depends on my state of mind (which include whether or not my mind is on clinical state [Smile] ) you know.

[ 10-25-2006, 08:17 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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cool87
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And thanks Heather for reminding me of that tune. You're not the only one with it in mind now! [Smile]

[ 10-25-2006, 08:01 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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