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Author Topic: sex problems
Zachs lil Lady26
Member # 28905

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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We are both virgins. I always told myself I'd wait until marriage to have sex. It just seemed like such a big deal. Plus, that's what my mom did. But now all of a sudden, I don't even care anymore. It's getting so frustrating. I just want to do it and get it over with. The problem is, we can't. I have Vaginismus, so I automatically tighten up. But I've been doing exercises that are supposed to help, and they have. I can finally use tampons. The thing is though, he's really big and I'm so small. I told him to just force it because I'm just so frustrated. It won't even go partially in. I feel like I'm being ripped in half, so he stops. I know you'll say to not have sex, which might be the right answer, but can you please give other ideas as well? We love each other, we're open and honest with each other, and we're committed. He's willing to wait as long as I want/need. I'm just so frustrated with myself and want to get rid of this problem. Thanks.

Jamie & Zachary
September 26, 2003-forever

"She loved him like no one before and it was good to be alive."

Posts: 28 | From: USA | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Well, first, you have to ask yourself what could be the cause of it. There can be many and they can be either physical or psychological. If they are psychological, maybe it would be a good idea to first go see a psychologist about it. Sometimes this can only be caused by fear or by the fact that a women had been raped before. And once you learn how to deal with it, your problem might disappear.

You should maybe go more gradually. Begin by inserting small objects in your vagina like fingers and gradually increase the size. If you don't start here and you already go to intercourse, that might be really painful for you. You have to make transition.

The treatment of vaginismus is usually a therapy program that includes vaginal dilation exercises using plastic dilators.

I can finally use tampons.
Well, that's a great start. Maybe the problem is not only vaginismum but a lack of lubrication. It could be both. A lack of lubrication could make it harder for you to have sex with your vaginusmus. A lot of person experienced pain during penetration without actually having to have vaginismus.I am not insinuating that you don't have it, I'm just saying that you could have another problem as well making it harder for you not to experience pain during intercourse.

We have an article about that on the main site.Take a look at it.

From OW ! to WOW !

Also, have you consulted a doctor about this ? Have vaginismus really been confirmed for you? Your doctor could be of great help for you. He knows surely a lot more than I do about this and could prescribe you a treatment and give you plenty of tips.

[ 07-09-2006, 10:59 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Posts: 3598 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Zachs lil Lady26
Member # 28905

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Thank you so much.

My gynocologist said that I have vaginismus, and told me to use my fingers to stretch it out. It was my first visit, and it was extremely painful and traumatic, and I'm scared to go back, even to a different one. I can't do the stretching myself, so my boyfriend helps me.

I'm going to a psychologist for the first time in a couple weeks. I'm pretty sure there's some psychological issues that are causing it. When I was little I was scared to death of my parents having sex. I have no idea why. I was never sexually abused or anything. Plus, my mom has always said that she'll be very disappointed in me if I have sex before I'm married. I feel that it's my decision, but I'd hate to disappoint her and lose her trust. So I know it's not just physical.

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it.

Jamie & Zachary
September 26, 2003-forever

"She loved him like no one before and it was good to be alive."

Posts: 28 | From: USA | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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You really should not be trying to have sex. All your doing is making your Vaginismus worse and would make it even take a lot longer for you to have sex. Just keep working on the exercises to cure vaginismus and hopefully you will be able to have your first time sex soon. But if all you do is keep trying, it's just gonna get worse and take a lot longer to get through this vaginismus. Forcing is it an extremely bad idea. And if your also frustrated, you aren't going to be able to have sex. Be sure that you are...

1. Using lots of lube

2. Make sure that you are aroused and ready for the penis to come in the vagina.

3. Feeling relaxed and not in a mood where you are panicing all the time.

Please take the time to read all of the articles on this web site, and in the mean time, work on those exercises.

[ 07-12-2006, 09:30 PM: Message edited by: Adviceguy158 ]

Posts: 25 | From: Grand Rapids, Michigan United States | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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