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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » friends with benefits?

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Author Topic: friends with benefits?
dixiecikie
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Ok how do yall feel with friends with benefits? for example I know im young but i do everything around the house my moms never home neither is my dad and i raise twins ......their 2.... sometimes i needa feel like someone cares or wants me? Make sense? Hes my best friend and sometimes we well we are sexually active. We still talk to other people and all that but We always know we have each other for more than juss sex; hes a shoulder to cry on and support system and really great guy, but We couldnt ever possibly have a relationship. Its better for us if we keep it to "friends with benefits"..... so i was wondering what others opintions of "friends with benefits" is

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~!~Dont cry because its over Smile for what happen~!~

Posts: 30 | From: southern US | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
samantha357
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well... i say its ok unless its interfering school, work, etc. etc. you get the idea. I haven't had a "benificial friend" [so to speak lol]. But if anybody asked me i'd be ok with it [as long as i was single!]

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"All is fair in love in war... wait... that doesn't sound right..."

The love you cant have lasts the longest, feels the strongest... & hurts the deepest

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Airem
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Samanthas "so long as i was single" brings up a good point. Friends with benefits is just really another form of relationship because it has to end when you are with someone else. Then it becomes weird, what if your bf was with you when you saw this friend somewhere and this friend came up and gave you a really "passionate" hug. Thats going to throw your bf for a loop and probably cause problems. While theres nothing wrong with it i'm interested to know why a relationship wouldn't work out?

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As The Shadow Follows The Body, As We Think, So We Become.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Adding sex to the equation doesn't equal extra care. And you know, being wanted sexually? Hell, girl: for a teenage girl, that should be the least of your concerns -- most people in the world will find you attractive, and since some of those folks would find anyone who'd have sex with them attractive, that doesn't mean anyone's extra special who is wanted sexually, you follow?

With or without the sex, sounds like you two would be there for each other, no?

What I'm hearing is that you ARE in a relationship, you're simply either not in love romantically, and/or one or both of you doesn't want to commit now or yet.

Still a relationship.

Do you WANT to be having sex with this person: is it healthy, happy for you? Is what you WANT this kind of relationship? If so...what's the problem, exactly?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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dixiecikie
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There is no problem was just wondering opinions on it, trying to vent on everything, and yes im single and i thought about it maybe its im affraid to commit..... and we dont have to have sex its somethin we do because we BOTH want too. We are totally fine either way.

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~!~Dont cry because its over Smile for what happen~!~

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dixiecikie
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and for Airen a relationship wouldnt work because im devoted the babies i raise that are not mine, btw, but I put them b4 me b4 any one and everyone and Ive found that a bf seems to want a certain amount of attention that i caint give because im devoted to them......and my family doesnt really like him, They choose to not like any guy i talk too. Ive give up dating till im 18 and out of the house...... hes a lil older than me which they dont like and its easier on us if we keep it as friends ........Thank U all for ur replys

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~!~Dont cry because its over Smile for what happen~!~

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You know, it is MORE than okay not to commit to a relationship because you don't feel ready, or just plain don't want to yet, or ever, or because you just have othr priorities in your life.

In fact, it's a lot healthier NOT to when you're in that space -- and often for everyone involved -- than to do so when you don't want to, aren't ready to, or because you feel pressured to.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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dixiecikie
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Yes i understand im trying to think of everyone in this not juss how i feel because it involves more than just me, he has feelings and a all too and then I have to what is best for the babies not me, their my lil cousins that dont really have parents they've gave them up and I take care of them so that they will have a stable enviroment at first it was fun to help out ....be more grown up then with me doing eva thang here ppl juss got use to me keeping them so basically im the Mom... I go to school and my aunt keeps them during the day, i keep my grades up and all that, just been thinking alot lately the doctors say im overstressed which has caused me to become depressed....and get a stomache ulcer. I get so frustrated at some people because they think they have it bad when they need to remember that there is always worse.. i choose my life and im ok with it im learning to be happy with it all of this just means ill be a more mature and experienced adult. I take everything and learn from it and try and do the best for the babies and me...... Thank U for listening and giving me ur opinion

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~!~Dont cry because its over Smile for what happen~!~

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britt britt
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hey well im all abouth the whole friends with benifts deal. but its a matter of if you are comfortable with the situation you put your self in. and it only really works if you don't put your feellings into the situation cause thats what will get you hurt. go with your heart

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brittany

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dixiecikie
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i agree .....we've been there and done that we went a couple weeks without talking because we let our feelings get the best of us .... we worked through it and agreed to keep them known but also known that we can never be for a couple years at least, It made us stronger that we workd through it hes always been there for me and Ill never give up on him.......... sad thing is hes in iraq right now hes in the army so we talk online when he has internet.. im happy and comfortable with it now that i have thought about it and ur totally right feelings will get you hurt.

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~!~Dont cry because its over Smile for what happen~!~

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buffguy
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quote:
Originally posted by samantha357:
But if anybody asked me i'd be ok with it [as long as i was single!]

nobody should ask you, "hey, do you wanna be friends with benefits?"

FWB is a purely sexual relationship with very little or no emotional attachment. people do this to cure their sexual inhibitions without a bf/gf attachment.

i'll be honest. i was a FWB with a girl once. we were both sexually active people who enjoyed "doing things" with each other. however, on my part, she was not girlfriend material to me. over time, we both sorta stopped, but we're still friends.

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samantha357
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i know this i was trying to cut the post short. I don't have the patience to explain it all. Hate... [hate is such a strong word]... dislike long posts. I fully understand what FWB is, again, cutting a potentially long post short.

Soory if that seemed like i was attacking you... really didn't mean to!

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"All is fair in love in war... wait... that doesn't sound right..."

The love you cant have lasts the longest, feels the strongest... & hurts the deepest

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ladydexter
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quote:
Originally posted by buffguy:
nobody should ask you, "hey, do you wanna be friends with benefits?"

Can I ask why not? Being honest about what you're looking for is a better way of going about it, as it [at least attempts to] prevent misunderstandings, surely?
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samantha357
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i agree

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"All is fair in love in war... wait... that doesn't sound right..."

The love you cant have lasts the longest, feels the strongest... & hurts the deepest

Posts: 81 | From: Oklahoma, USA | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DarkChild717
Scarleteen Volunteer
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(Hey, samantha? We encourage plenty of discussion, but we discourage these sort of "me too" posts. They don't add to the discussion. Thanks!)

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Caylin, Scarleteen Volunteer
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