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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Boyfriend Can't Orgasm

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Author Topic: Boyfriend Can't Orgasm
Member # 25312

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Ok, so I've been seeing this guy, and we started getting kind of serious and fooling around and stuff.
I tried to give him a "hand job" but it was a little awkward cause we were in his room and his dad was in the living room and we could hear him and stuff. Well I must have played with him for a good 20 minutes but he didn't "cum". I think he was just nervous because it was the first time he's ever done anything like that. And his friend told him to masturbate before I came over (like in "There's Something About Mary") so I'm sure that didn't help anything either.

The next night we hung out again, and the same thing happened. It was going good but his dad came home half way through it and it ruined the mood.
So we went out and saw a movie and got dinner, so we killed a about 3 hours.
We got the idea to park his car in a poorly lit area so we wouldn't be disturbed, and started fooling around yet again.
I started "pleasuring" him with my hand, and thought that maybe he would like it if I used my mouth, so I went down on him and we did that for like 10-15 minutes and he still didn't cum, he told me I could stop if I wanted to, and we ended up laying in the back seat of his car for a while.

He said I'm doing everything right and that it feels good, and he just doesn't know why he's not performing. I know he's embarrest about it, and I really want to help him.

Does anyone have any clue about what I can do for him?

Posts: 7 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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It is completely normal for it to take a good deal longer than a few sexual sessions for anyone, of any gender, to orgasm with a new partner.

So, the first thing I'd suggest is being a little more realistic, especially when thus far you've had nothing close to ideal circumstances: sounds like all these interludes have been furtive, without any real privacy, and like throughout, everyone has been concerned about performance/product.

Sex is process, not product: if everyone is enjoying themselves, orgasm is merely a bonus. And if everyone involved can get their head in *that* space, it's much more likely to happen.

So, in a word, chill out. Enjoy yourselves, and stop trying to force orgasm. I mean, have you climaxed with him yet yourself? Even if you have, would you think it so odd if after just a few furtive sex sessions, you hadn't?

Heather Corinna
Editor & Founder, Scarleteen
ST blog • about Heather & Scarleteen
"You have to love women who are brave enough to do things so big in a world where women are supposed to be so small." - Andrea Dworkin

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Yeah ... You can give yourselves a break.

Seriously ... It'll happen when it happens. Focusing too much on the orgasm takes away from the overall experience. It's stressful, and chances are high that if you're both stressed out, no one's going to orgasm.

Try to focus more on the experience itself. He said he's enjoying himself; focus on that. Everything else will fall into place when the time is right (perhaps when you're not inches away from family members or out in public).

Check it out;
Sexual Response and Orgasm: A User's Guide

(Oops ... Mindmeld ... )

[This message has been edited by LilBlueSmurf (edited 11-06-2005).]

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 25312

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Thanks you guys. You've helped a lot, I let him read it and it made him feel better about the whole thing, even though he's still kind of emberrest.
Posts: 7 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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