Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » painful sex

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: painful sex
cheerpunk
Neophyte
Member # 25800

Icon 1 posted      Profile for cheerpunk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
im 15 and recently had sex for the first time with my 16 year old boyfriend. i really thought i loved him and wanted to do it eventually but not rite now, but then he kinda pressured me into it. then it hurt, a lot, to the point where i was almost crying. we have only done it once because it hurt so bad but i just wanted to know, is this normal for it to hurt?
Posts: 4 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
cheerpunk
Neophyte
Member # 25800

Icon 1 posted      Profile for cheerpunk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
oh and also i bled afterwards for like 15 minutes ...
Posts: 4 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dailicious
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 22471

Icon 1 posted      Profile for dailicious     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
No, this is not normal, but unfortunately it's not necessarily uncommon if you aren't prepared.

If you were pressured into sexual intercourse, you would have been by no means ready for it: mentally or physically, both of which you should be to have an enjoyable and safe experience.

The reason it hurt and the reason you bled are probably because you were not aroused or lubricated enough. Along with the body's natural lubrication, it's good to use a lot of extra condom-safe lubricant (that helps penetration be easier, and therevfore not painful, as well as preventing the condom from tearing due to friction).

On a second note, sweetie, why are you still with this guy? NO ONE who cares about you is going to preasure you to do anything you're not ready for, espesially when it comes to having a sexual relationship.

I strongly recomend you ditch this guy, or at VERY least, talk to him and set down some very strict boundaries about what you're okay with and what you're not. If he isn't going to respect those boundaries, that's disrespecting you and that relationship is not a healthy one for you to keep yourself in, hon.


Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
cheerpunk
Neophyte
Member # 25800

Icon 1 posted      Profile for cheerpunk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
im still with him and its not like he was always pressurin me it was like we were there in the moment and he started makin moves and i said no and then he was like come on so i gave in. when it comes to sex. its like if a guy makes a move on me i kind of freeze up and cant move or breathe or think or say anything to stop it and even if i say no i end up going with it...i dont know how to stop doing this...i really dont like being this way as it makes me "easy" and i dont want to become a "sex slave" to anybody. do you ahve any advice about this?
Posts: 4 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dailicious
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 22471

Icon 1 posted      Profile for dailicious     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yes, get away from this guy, NOW. What you're describing is not natural, healthy sexual behavior for anyone, and it IS RAPE.

The only way you can stop this is cut this guy out of your life because no matter how he acts in any other aspect of your relationship, he is NOT worth it if he is trating you like an object for sex and not listening to your wishes. He is NOT a good guy, no matter what else he does, if he has treated you like this and forced you to have sex.

Please, please listen to me and just stop this relationship now.


Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
cheerpunk
Neophyte
Member # 25800

Icon 1 posted      Profile for cheerpunk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i guess youre right i never really looked at it that way. ive always just seen it as he really wanted it and really wanted to build our relationship stronger, but now that i think about it he isnt acting the same since weve done it *sighs* ... but as to the not being able to do anything because i freeze up in general, do you have any thoughts or advice about that? i dont mean to be persistant i just kind of need help...
Posts: 4 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dailicious
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 22471

Icon 1 posted      Profile for dailicious     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
The freezing up is probably a fear/discomfort//nervousness response. When you are really ready for sex and to be in a sexual relationship with someone who is not pressuring you, you shouldn't feel this way.

For now, aside from ditching this guy altogether, you just need to avoid situations that will let sex enter the picture.


Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
If you keep having sex when you're "freezing up" then you're going to get into this mindset where sex is going to be unpleasant. you are setting yourself up for a LIFETIME of sexual hangus and bad relationships if you stay with this guy. Look, your body is telling you "No, I really odn't want to do this!" but you're doing it anyway, and oyu're not feeling good about it. That bad feeling piles up and can negatively affect your sex life for a dang long time.

So do yourself and your future sex life a big favor and break it off with this guy and abstain until you're totally ready to have sex.

------------------
LA County STD Hotline 1.800.758.0880
Toll free STD and clinic information, and condoms sent to your door for Los Angeles County residents.
1 in 3 sexually active people will be exposed to a STD by the time they turn 24.


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dannyjjang
Neophyte
Member # 25819

Icon 1 posted      Profile for dannyjjang     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by cheerpunk:
im 15 and recently had sex for the first time with my 16 year old boyfriend. i really thought i loved him and wanted to do it eventually but not rite now, but then he kinda pressured me into it. then it hurt, a lot, to the point where i was almost crying. we have only done it once because it hurt so bad but i just wanted to know, is this normal for it to hurt?

Wow teenage sex awesome...


Posts: 7 | From: Compton Us CA | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by dannyjjang:
Wow teenage sex awesome...

One of the rules on the board is to respect the other users. yes, they make mistakes, but many are comfortable about the choices they make. it's their choice, so please don't impose on them. it's not your place to judge.

if the idea of your peers having sex really disgusts you and you cannot be polite about it, then this is not a very good environment for you.

------------------
LA County STD Hotline 1.800.758.0880
Toll free STD and clinic information, and condoms sent to your door for Los Angeles County residents.
1 in 3 sexually active people will be exposed to a STD by the time they turn 24.


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
rubukas
Neophyte
Member # 25964

Icon 1 posted      Profile for rubukas     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Dear friend...

I am now 32 years of age, and has like most of my age, had a few sexual encounters.... however.. i have to stress that with the exception of 1 ... all of them has ben less satisfying.. why ?? .. because the others were all not-natural ...

my point here is... you NEVER ever ... have sex with someone that is sweet talking, presurizing you or in any other way make you do something sexual you are uncertain of...

and as it was said by one of the expereinced users here... why are you stil withhim ? .. seriously... As a boy here... i know WHY your boyfriend pressurized you.. but as a MAN ... i can not condone his actions... they were 100% selfish.....

For later ... try asking any coy wh pressurizeyou into sex this question... " can i stick a dildo up your *** ??" ... when he starts acting up... reply to him , that thats how it feels having sex when youre not realy ready for it... ask him if He is ready ??? .... it might be a rather rash thing to ask for, but it does put a pretty clear message to your boyfriend...

why am i telling you this ? .. well.. i have a girlfriend myself.. she is either a virgin.. or has seen some abuse.. .. she is in any case quite restrictive to the sex\penetration thing... ... i honestly love her.. .. tell you what? .. we are having sex... but not the penetrating kind... she wants to wait till marriage... and thou I want to ejaculate... i would never persuade her to vaginal \anal \oral intercourse.... ... we are doing fine without.. and.. the benefit : she TRUSTS me ...

ask yourself.... wouldnt YOU trus a boyfriend who serioslu didnt pressure you for vaginal\anal\oral intercourse? .. bodily pleasure is so easy to obtain... sex is so much more thatn the vaginal intercourse... if your boyfriend isnt educated ... educate him....

best regards
Rubukas


Posts: 2 | From: china | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3