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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » First time sex question

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Author Topic: First time sex question
Jon
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Member # 20895

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Ok im not sure if this is the right forum to post this in, if not, please excuse me.

Me and my gf (we are both virgins) tried to have sex once and it seemed like i was very excited but i had a partial erection and couldnt get it completly stiff like it is before sex. So i figured it was just a mental thing so next time i tried alot harder and did a little better but still had a partial erection even though i was very excited, and then we figured out that i just cant fit it in because its so tight (just tried forcing it in with a partial erection). I fingered her for a while and i just know its way to tight, it hurt her like hell but we figured it would help alot when she heals.. was this the thing right thing to do?

I dunno we are both so confused, we keep trying and i think were doing things right but we keep failing.

I know its normal for her to be tight and for it to hurt ALOT... but i just dont know what to do to make it better, i sure as hell hope i didnt just cause her pain for nothing..

Thank you for your help.. so confused!


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Gumdrop Girl
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Member # 568

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here's a list of articles that will address a lot of your concerns

  • Ready or Not? The Readiness Checklist
  • First Intercourse 101
  • Safe, Sound & Sexy - A Safer Sex How-To
  • Sexual Response and Orgasm - A User's Guide
  • ED: Why you don't have to get so down about not getting it up

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    LA County STD Hotline 1.800.758.0880
    Toll free STD and clinic information, and condoms sent to your door for Los Angeles County residents.
    1 in 3 sexually active people will be exposed to a STD by the time they turn 24.


    Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
  • Jon
    Neophyte
    Member # 20895

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    Thank you these articles really helped, i think alot of the problem is being relaxed around eachother, as much as i would like to think differently, i dont think we are very relaxed. Im still confused about ED, i dont think i have anything wrong.. i have no problem getting a full errection any other time, just seems like its not all the way when i need it, i wonder if im waiting too long before beginning? Im also guessing that some kind of lube (other then natural) will help penetration?

    Thank you for the help again, even though im still confused about some things...


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    Gumdrop Girl
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    well, the thing is, the part of your brain that maintains erections is the relaxing part. the excited and anxious part casues erections to go away. when you're really excited for sex, than can actually make your erection wane. so you need to relax a little bit, and then your erection will have a much better time staying full.

    as for lube, yes, water-based lube helps a whole lot. Astroglide is a good brand. KY liquid is easy to find. just make sure it's condom-safe.

    ------------------
    LA County STD Hotline 1.800.758.0880
    Toll free STD and clinic information, and condoms sent to your door for Los Angeles County residents.
    1 in 3 sexually active people will be exposed to a STD by the time they turn 24.


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    Jon
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    Thank you i think that is our problem, being relaxed, is this normal to be so not relaxed that we cant even do it? And did i hurt her for nothing?
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    icy_gal
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    Hey... don't worry!

    I'v never actually had sex before, but I'm so comfy around my boyfriend that nothing bothers us. Whenever stuff is happening, it just seems natural, and that's how it should be.

    You guys should both be comfortable around each other so that nothing bothers you about your partner. That way, you can just TOALLY R-E-L-A-X. I'm guessing it's natural to be a little bit nervous, but if it's making you really tense, try waiting until another time and SAFELY have fun another way. ;-)


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    Jon
    Neophyte
    Member # 20895

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    Yeah alright, it just seems so weird cause neither of us expected things to be so hard, i mean we both want eachother alot but i think there is some mental stuff going on that i dont even think is going on. It seems like we are both perfectly relaxed when the clothes are on.. lol.

    Im trying to think of things to help this problem but its kind of difficult, she doesnt want to do anything oral which is perfectly fine but it seems like we could get alot more comfterable with eachother if we did.

    Oh well i guess il keep trying.. apreciate the help once again.


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    curiousgeorge4
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    Hey, my advice to you is to just wait it out like you said. You can't really force sex on each other, and if you guys push it too far, it won't be a good first time for either of you. Maybe a good thing to try would be to just talk about it with each other first and get a feel for each other's expectations. It's really special that you both want to have sex for the first time together, so make it something memorable and make it special, not something you will look back on and say "oh i wish i did this".

    another thing to keep in mind is that your first time WON'T BE PERFECT. sex gets better with time and as you get more comfortable together, things will get easier. The point is that, in the long run, if it was meant to happen for you guys then it will. Love has a funny way of working out that way. Don't lose any sleep over it, we've all been there.

    ~J
    ps - kudos for respecting her boundaries.


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    Jon
    Neophyte
    Member # 20895

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    Hey good news everything is just fine, i took the advice and relaxed, got her relaxed, changed some settings, and everything went somewhat smoothly. Thanx for all the help, it got off to a rough start but if anybody ever finds themselves in my situation, sex just doesnt happen automaticly as we thought lol, alot of planning and mental thinkin is involved! Thanx all.
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