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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Advice to comfort girlfriend?

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Author Topic: Advice to comfort girlfriend?
Member # 18433

Icon 1 posted      Profile for whertz     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
After three un successful tries at having sex, my girlfriend and I (both virgins prior to this) were able to have sex. We took it slow and made sure both of us were aroused, we used a fair amount of lube to try to have things work better. It worked and went well but afterwords she said it hurt her. I apologized because thats the last thing I want to do. She wasnt mad and said lots of girls have the same experience.
I love this girl, and we have been goin out for nearly a year. I guess my question is what can I do to comfort her for both the pain, and just the new idea of us having sex. I want to reassure her that nothing has to change and i still love her dearly. What things can I do to get this point across. Also I wondered if people (women most likely) would come forward and list things that they do NOT like men doing, or just things that they would want men to be aware of when it comes to sex. I appreciate all who reply.

Posts: 6 | From: topsham, maine, usa | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20650

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Well, everybody is different you know. How about you ask HER about what she wants and doesn't want? Communication is the key. Questions such as:
Does that hurt?
Do you want me to go slower or faster?
Tell me what you want me to do.(Up a bit, down a bit, that's juuust right.... type directions are good)
Is this angle okay?

Out of the bedroom, get in the habit of talking about it. Talk about what you did right and wrong, and what you would like to do next time. If you are uncomfortable talkin g about sex, it's a sign that you are uncomfortable with the act itself in some way. Think about it as a work in progress, it takes a few times before you work out what works for you both, and good communication greatly speeds up the process.

Posts: 105 | From: Australia | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20584

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Crimson's got the right idea. Although I'v never had p/v sex before, my boyfried makes sure everything is ok and not painful.

However, we do talk about everything, which can make you much more excited for when you're about to have sex again.

By the way, your girlfriend is SO lucky to have you! A caring and concerned guy is somewhat hard to find, and you sound like a rare jewl to me. So just keep up the loving and make sure you guys talk. Other than that, don't worry! And make sure everything's going well! ;-)

Posts: 22 | From: New Hampshire | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 15249

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Obviously the only way you can know for sure how to comfort her is to ask her. But if you want some pointers on when to ask her, the first time is easiest when you're totally alone and have no risk of being walked on in, so you have have a private conversation. Also, I find it helps if we are not about to start something sexual, so we can just talk. Then just ask her and tell her your concerns. She'll probably be touched that you are looking out for her like that.
Posts: 213 | From: Spain | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20801

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Aww thats so cute! like icy gal said your girlfriend is so lucky to have you. It sounds like you are on the right track. Just take things slow. it is a natural human reaction for a girl to have SOME kind of discomfort her first time no matter what pretty much. don't worry it'll get better...i've never had p/v sex so i couldn't tell ya but thats what i hear .
Posts: 67 | From: Louisiana! | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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