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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » ruining my life.

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Author Topic: ruining my life.
some_girl666
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OKAY.i know many other girls have this problem too but WHY ME!
my labia minora are soo ugly and wrinkly,long and weird. but i cant deal with it. it looks weird in a baithing suit.they get itchy and annoying. and not to mention look like i have a derranged old vagina.

im embarassed to get changed in front of my best friends. its constantly on my mind and its litterally ruining my life.

i dont know why it bothers me so much. Im turning 16 and im scared to ever , ever let a guy see me down there.

all i see on these websites are "everyones different and beutiful" "accept the way you are".... well i cant and i dont know what to do.

ive tried cutting them off many times, but i can never go through with it because of the pain. ive tried numbing it with ice then doing it, but still..it hurts.

would my family docter just freeze it and do a quick litte snip without my parents knowing?!?? i dont know what to do!!! can SOMEONE...ANYONE help me or give advice other then accept it. ive accepted it for my whole life but no one understands unless they have the same thing. so once again CAN ANYONE HELP ME.??

------------------
some.girl.


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LilBlueSmurf
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First off, you need to stop trying to mutilate yourself. Seriously. You could do some major damage and end up far worse off.

Has anyone ever told you that your labia are weird/long/ugly/whatever ... ? I understand that what we feel about our bodies is always more important that what others say to us, but its very possible you could have a distorted image of what's actually there ...

I think talking to your family doctor would be a very good idea right now. S/he can reassure you that your genitals are perfectly fine the way they are, and maybe even refer you to a therapist who can help you work through your body image issues.

Other than that, i'm not sure what to tell you ... Other than, again, don't try to cut them off yourself. Please. Get yourself some help, and go from there.


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Heather
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It's also worth mentioning that I have this funny feeling you haven't seen the vulvas of older women which, quelle surprise, do not look "deranged." In fact, whatever yours looks like in your twenties isn't going to be much different looking than it will in your seventies.

If your labia minora are SO long and full that they extend profoundly enough to show through your bathing suit, and cause you *physical* discomfort, talk to your GYN about that. There are *some* instances where vulval surgery is appropriate (and it's not a minor procedure: it's cosmetic suregry with risks, so it's not one of these deals where you walk in and "get a snip," and it also costs a good deal of cash, so not telling your parents is by no means an option). But some of what I'm hearing isn't about that, but about misconceptions of what the labia are supposed to look like in the first place.

They're ALWAYS wrinkly looking, for instance. On everyone. Many labia minora are long: since the crura, or legs of the clitoris are partilally housed there, that's not a bad thing, as it can aid is sexual enjoyment. Plus, labia exist to keep bacteria out of your vaginal canal and urethra, whichi is pretty darn important. I can assure you that walking around with constant bacterial or urinary tract infections is no fun at all.

But DO talk to some one. Trying to self-multiate parts of your body means you've got some pretty serious issues and need some help all around. And as Smurf said, you DO need to stop doing that. The psychological issues with that aside, mutilating your genitals can create serious lifelong health, sexual function and appearance problems.


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Heather
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By the by?

I have long labia.

I still don't understand trying to cut them off, so the idea that everyone with longer labia feels like you do is false. Even if we didn't already know that from millions of women we know aren't struggling over this, you'd have me, right here. And self-mutilating body organs truly isn't a normative response.

I have, to date, at almost 35 years old, never had a single lover dislike my genitals, quite the opposite. I've never not enjoyed the sensations they provide. I've seen other women's vulvas up close and personal who look like mine and who don't look like mine: vulvas are DIVERSE, and they all look...well, like vulvas. They're all groovy in their own way, just like people's faces.


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some_girl666
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Thanx ,so i guess i totally took that one overboard "ruining my life" was taking it to the extreme.The night before i posted that i had a dream i was doing something with a guy and he like ran away in horror.
i was thinking to myself im going to die a virgin cuz i will never let anyone see this grotesque sight.


sometimes im just like "whatever it just looks normal , then other times im like WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME. p.s{im not a physco who enjoys pain and self-mutilation, just to clear that up incase anyone thought that)


I've tried talking to my mom and shes like " thats so f***ing weird. it looks so grosse like one of thoes things on a hens neck".

She didnt help at all, it made it even worse. If she would have just said "oh dont worry everyones different" or something, i probably wouldn't have gotten to the point of feeling like my body is deformed.


thanks for your replys.


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Heather
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Sadly, your mother probably hasn't seen other women's vulvas, either. Most heterosexual women havent -- there just aren't that many opportunities to see them unless you're getting very up close and personal.

That, or, flatly, she was just being an ass. Parents can be jerks sometimes just like everyone else, unfortunately. Who knows, maybe she has that attitude because she hates her body, too.

I promise that if your GYN has said there's no problem and you're normal that he or she is right.


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fufulongfellow
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I thought I was the only one with this problem. I have been self conscious of this for as long as I can remember. And have had many thought of wanted to cut them off or have surgery. And it's made me very self conscious with guys. Even though I've been with my boyfriend for over three years I still get self conscious about him seeing it. And when I act self conscious about he's like, "Hello, I've seen it a million times". But I've never told him how I feel about it. Cause guys don't like insecurity, it's a huge turnoff to them (in general). But I have gone my whole life feeling abnormal and different, thinking there was something wrong with me. Even though I've never had anyone say anything or complain. I just know it doesn't look like what you see in playboy, not pretty like some girls. But as I get older,the less I care about it. So at least we're not alone in this, and i really think your mom added to your complex if not is the cause of it. That's just not right to say something like that.
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logic_grrl
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quote:
I just know it doesn't look like what you see in playboy

This is because nobody's body looks like what you see in Playboy. Even the Playboy models' bodies don't look like what you see in Playboy!

Any picture that you see in Playboy (or, for that matter, Vogue or Cosmo or their ilk) has been airbrushed and retouched and generally altered to look like whatever the current "ideal" is supposed to look like.

So they're totally unreliable as a guide to what actual human bodies look like .


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Hello67
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And as to you saying that "guys are turned off by insecurity", it may not be a turn on for guys, but if my girlfriend was to explain to me that she was insecure about the shape of her vulva, i would comfort her! not leave her! you just can't think that any "weaknesses" or anything will make him love you less than he does!
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papou_fruit
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At first, I thought my labia was disgusting because it was too, long and "abnormal."
Then I found this site and realized how I'm actually normal!
Even though my boyfriend has seen it, I still get a little embarrassed, but he reassures me.
If it ever happens you're in a sexual situation , and you do get a little embarrassed about it, I find it easier to have dimmer lights. ^^
Otherwise, don't worry about it. You're just as normal as everyone else.

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The Shy One
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In keeping with the whole "everyone's body is different" thing, I have practically NO inner labia (they are sooo small, pretty much non-existant) and I am self-conscious also. I was worried about guys, specifically my current and first bf, thinking I'm weird (etc), but it hasn't been an issue.

On a similar note, I am prone to bladder infections. I'm not sexually active and the doctor at my University (not my regular family physician) doesn't know why I keep getting them. Could it be because I have pretty much no inner labia to prevent bacteria from getting near/into my urethra?


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