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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » getting her to take initiative

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Author Topic: getting her to take initiative
freebird
Neophyte
Member # 8364

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hey, it seems that whenever my girlfriend and i start to kiss and fool around, i am the one to intiate all the action. This is not to say that she doesn't want to do that stuff too, its just I feel like i am the one to always be doing the rubbing, the feeling, the kissing of her neck and other places.
So how do i get her to take charge and be the one to feel around my body, kiss on my body, take off my clothes? I am afraid of suggesting oral sex on me b/c i don't wanna seem pushy or like too much of a slimeball, i really like this girl. Any help?

Posts: 1 | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
West1001
Activist
Member # 8317

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Hey freebird,
Well I was in this sorta situation before...I'm the girl in the situation though. I used to feel uncomfortable kissing, touching, and taking off my boyfriends clothes, especially before he did it to me. I felt that maybe he would think that's all I wanted to do, or maybe that he'd think I was going too fast, and didn't like it. In other words, I was nervous. How long have you and her been going out for? Cause your chances are she's just really nervous to take such initiative. If it bugs you all that much, then you should tell her how you feel...or when in the time and place, tell her what makes you feel good, and she should get the hint.

Posts: 99 | From: Vancouver, BC, CANADA | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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It's REALLY important that you talk about this sort of stuff w/ your partner ... and by the sound of your post, i'm guessing you haven't yet.

You really need to sit her down and tell her what you just told us; that you'd like her to feel more comfortable and feel free to explore your body like you do hers ... and do'nt forget to ask her what you could do to make her feel more comfortable. She may just be happy doing things her own way, and you really need to respect that too. The key is to be open, here.

If she's willing to try your suggestions, just go w/ that. If she's not comfortable doing more than she is now, she may not be as open to trying oral sex. Again, you need to be respectful of her wishes. There are ways of bringing up this subject other than those cheesy movie lines (was it American Pie?) ...


Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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