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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Sex

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Author Topic: Sex
Yesman
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Hey,
i'm turning 16 this year and me and my girl friend are interested in having sex.
we also started talkin about the pill and condoms.
I have a few questions on this subject and any replies are much appreciated !
My girl friend says she will go on the pill when we get sexually active but she says she still wants me to use a condom. She says the pill isn't guaranteed to work is this true ?

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Aguyfromoz
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First of all, you should read this:
First Intercourse 101.

To answer your question, the pill is very effective (99.7%), but only if taken perfectly (taken the same time each day without fail), so for most people the effectiveness rate is about 92%.

The below webpage isn't working right now but the combination of the pill with a condom has a effectiveness rate of 98.8%.
The Buddy System: Effectiveness Rates for Backing Up Your Birth Control With a Second Method

Of course, no form of birth control is absolutely 100% effective, but you can't get much better than the "buddy system." As the article I linked above says, we don't advise becoming sexually active unless you are sure that you can deal with the chance (however slim that is) of becoming pregnant.
May I also suggest non-penetrative sex (such as mutual masturbation) and fingering especially if both of you are new to the game (the pregnancy risk is negligible if there is NO penetration, he shoots his semen on himself and any semen is promptly cleaned off with a wet wipe.)

From the male pov, you need to get condoms and be comfortable using them, and also get a water based lubricant like astroglide so her vagina doesn't get sore from too much friction! Also make sure your fingernails are cut and filed!

Also, read this if you haven't already: Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

Feel free to ask if you have any more questions!

[ 01-04-2010, 12:04 PM: Message edited by: Aguyfromoz ]

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Yesman
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Much thanx for the reply !!
Reading the articles you have shown me have made me worried bout a few things.
Are all the things said about woman feeling pain and possibly nothing at all true to all woman or a very small amount ?

i have a friend that has sex basically every weekend for a whole year already and she has never used a condom but she is on the pill. So i'm quite confident with it working for me. But if by the slimest of chances my girlfriend does fall pregnant, is there anyway of knowing soon and terminating the pregnancy because I believe babies born whilest the mother is on the pill are born with disabilities or problems ?

Ya, we gana be moving towards sex. Obviously we gana start with masturbation etc first. But i want to be ready for when the time comes, because we don't want to set a date we just want it to happen when it happens, lik wen it feels right which can be any time.

My girl says she has lube already that is water based. She said her mom bought it for her for tampons. I have been keeping my nails not sharp and long now that i know i could be using my fingers and i don't wana bring her pain obviously

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branphlake
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Birth control should not be taken while a mother is pregnant, however most women, after finding out they are pregnant, discontinue the pill early enough with no harm to the baby. It's only long exposure that seems to harm the baby (from what I've gathered from different sources on the web). Here's a good resource for telling if you are pregnant when on the pill: http://www.ehow.com/how_2365092_know-pregnant-birth-control-pill.html

I think your question about whether your girlfriend might feel pain or not can only be answered when you experience sex with your girlfriend. My suggestion would be to try using your finger before you try your penis - if she feels discomfort with your finger, you can spare her a lot more pain by not trying to put your penis in her. At that point, you may try using your fingers for a while until she feels comfortable enough to try the next step. But hey, maybe she won't have a problem at all and things will just work great. Either way, be sure to be sensitive to what's going on with both of your emotions and feelings so things go smoothly.

Good luck.

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Yesman
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So if my girl friend does get pregnant, what will be the best thing to do to terminate the pregnancy. Because neither of our parents will accept this and bad things will happen. Please help with dat situation.

yea, seeing how she reacts to my fingering will be a clear indication for sex. We not goin to rush into the sex and like set exactly wen we gana do it. We want it to flow naturally and happen on it's own which wil mean we r both ready for it.

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Heather
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If your girlfrind does become pregnant, SHE, the pregnant person, needs to be the one making choices about her pregnancy, and if she wants to terminate, she will make choices about what kind of termination she has access to and feels is her best choice.

But if the two of you, if and when you do start having intercourse, are using both the pill and condoms perfectly, a pregnancy is highly unlikely.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Atonement
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In regards to termination, I have a tip.

I think it can be a good idea to try to set some money aside in a separate bank account as a "just in case fund".

That way, in event that something WERE to happen, you wouldn't have to worry about scrambling for money. I've started saving for a while now, and It helps to know that if something does happen, I'll have the funding to put my plans in action.

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Heather
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On that?

That kind of saving can be helpful no matter WHAT choice a person makes with a pregnancy. So, I'd not say that's only about terminations, and I think that's important to recognize since the person who could become pregnant in this scenario isn't here, and no one but her can know what choice she would feel is best were she to become pregnant.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Atonement
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I guess I worded that wrong.

That's the reason I'm saving. However, another person could use that to go to prenatal care, or just general STI screenings and sexual health checkups

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Heather
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It's okay, just wanted to be clear, especially since the person this was being discussed with in this thread isn't someone who can even become pregnant.

I think it's important to be careful, because sometimes men can think that what they want per a pregnancy choice, especially if they save money for only ONE choice, should lead that choice or have as much weight as what the actual pregnant person wants.

Which, unless we are talking to that person, we can't know.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Yesman
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Yea, i see what you guys are sayin about it being her choice, but i am wanting some possible choices dat i can give her to help her on her way if you know what i mean.
I really love her and i obviously don't want anything happenin to her that she wouldn't like

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Yesman
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I'm very curious about this i hear about some woman not getting veginal orgasms. I'm very nervous about this because i don't want to disappiont my girl friend if it doesn't happen. Although it isn't my fault ?
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Heather
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Check these out:
• With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body
• The Great No-Orgasm-from-Intercourse Conundrum

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Yesman
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When they say that 70% of women cant orgasm viginaly, does this mean that they physically cant or is it a emotional thing too in these statistics ?

Also, if i girl cannot have a veginal orgasm, does it stil feel good to have that penetration or is it all in clitoral stimulation ?

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Heather
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It's mostly physiological: did you read that piece? If so, you saw what it explained about where the most nerve endings are, and how they are not inside the vagina.

Plenty of women who don't reach orgasm through intercourse alone still enjoy it, because that doesn't mean it doesn't feel good. It just means most women will either need or want other kinds of stimulation, before, during and/or after intercourse to really feel satisfied and/or to reach orgasm.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Yesman
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Yea, i read those links thanx for them. I was just not sure if it stil feels good for them. Because also i read that for some girls they don't feel anything or very little ? Is this just because they cant or they not in the mood ?
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Heather
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That can be because of either or both of those reasons.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Yesman
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Yea, i gues we'l just hav to find out. When they speak about the veginal orgasm, is it the g-spot orgasm ?
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Heather
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Go back to that first link: calling orgasms by a genital name is not an accurate way to classify them, period.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Yesman
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I feel much better about the orgasm situation because me and my girlfriend aren't nervous or anythin bout sex so it should happen. Sorry i just want some more information about the g-spot orgasm ? Like can all woman get it ?
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Heather
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I don't think you are hearing me.

There is NO SUCH THING as a "clitoral" or "vaginal" or "g-spot" orgasm. Those are very outdated terms, mostly based in what people thought before we knew orgasm is a brain and neurological system event. THAT is where it happens, though a) we feel its effects in our whole bodies, including our genitals, and b) it can happen from different kinds of stimulus to different areas, which, sometimes, or for some people, can make it feel different when it happens.

So, again, some women can reach orgasm through intercourse alone: not most women, but some, or some sometimes. Some women can reach orgasm through g-spot stimulation -- be that through intercourse or more targeted stimulus of that area -- alone, sometimes or most of the time.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Yesman
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Oh sorry... I'm just wondering if there orgasms ,dat used to be called wat they were, can all be achieved by all woman. And if not, why not
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Heather
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Not all women can orgasm from ONLY vaginal intercourse, no. Most cannot.

Per things still feeling good, this may help: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/why_would_intercourse_feel_good_for_women

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Yesman
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Two days ago me and my girlfriend got close again, and I was feeling her vegina through her pants. She said it felt good. Was this the feeling of clitorial stimulation ?
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Heather
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Do you mean her vagina or her vulva?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Yesman
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Oh my bad. It was the vulva but I'm guessing I could of touched the vegina too.
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Heather
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As some of the articles we linked you to explain, the vagina is inside the body. So, unless your hand was inside her pants, and your fingers inside her vagina, you were not likely touching her vagina at all.

So, if and when we're touching someone's vulva, you can be touching the external clitoris, the mons, the inner and outer labia (which also contain some of the internal clitoris): all of these parts have sensory nerve endings, and all can potentially feel good.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Yesman
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Oh i see. Does this give any indication of if sex will be good for her ?
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Heather
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I take it that again, you're meaning intercourse when you say sex?

If so, no.

I mean, here's the thing: one, that is very different from intercourse. But more to the point, because anything sexual feels good one day doesn't mean it will the next. Even if you two had intercourse on Tuesday and it was good for her doesn't mean the intercourse you have on Friday will be.

Get what I mean?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Yesman
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Ok yoh, I see.
So even if intercourse doesnt feel good the first time, doesn't mean anything.

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