I've never had sex or even been (very) intimate with another guy (besides a few kisses) and my boyfriend hasn't been intimate with another girl to any great extent. It's been over a year since either of us have been with anyone else. Neither of us have dealt with any evidence or symptoms of an STD.
We aren't planning to have sex any time soon because we can't afford birth control pills and condoms aren't 100% effective against pregancy, and we absolutely cannot afford or deal with an accidental pregnancy (and I don't believe that abortion is right) so we aren't taking any chances at all.
But we do like to play around in other ways (we just tried oral sex once, and liked it) and I know that you can get an STD by that. But like I said, neither of us has had any problems with STD's and our parents haven't had any, however neither of us are tested for them, they've just never been an issue for either of us individually.
I'm wondering if STD's are even an issue for us as a couple at this point.
Katri, Okay. Because I don't know what "to any great extent" really means, it''d be hard for me to assess your risk. But do bear in mind that many STDs don't show symptoms for years. Some never do, but are still transmittable.
STDs are an issue for ANYONE who is sexually active on any level. It's just that simple. While I think it's safe to say you are at a low risk right now, you are not at NO risk. No one is.
Get some condoms. Use them when you're giving him oral sex, and if he wants to perform oral sex on you, you can cut one with a scissors to make it a flat sheet, and use it as a barrier over your vulva.
In addition, it never hurts to get tested. Though tests aren't 100% either, many of them are pretty reliable.
I can't believe I forgot this... I was tested, only it was about 3 years ago. I didn't have anything then. I don't know if this even matters, because it was so long ago.
To clarify: The "to any great extent" basicly meant nothing beyond kissing and hugging. Neither of us have done anything more then kiss and hug another person.
Can you tell me what specific STDs don't show any symptoms for years? I've heard there are some, but I don't know which ones and I'd like to know. Is there a page somewhere on this site that explains the problems with the common types of STDs?
One last quick thing: this whole place makes it sound like unprotected sex is completely wrong and will only make life horrible. What if we get married some day and want kids? (if things keep going the way they are, it seems likely we'll get married after I graduate. Heh, he's a wonderful guy. )
[This message has been edited by Katri (edited 04 July 2000).]
I'm going to address your last point, Katri.
This site is very big on safe(r) sex, and that's a good thing, because AIDS can kill you and other diseases and unwanted pregnancies are no joke. However, if two people are married or in some other form of committed relationship, are both clean, have a totally MONAGAMOUS relationship, and are willing and able to deal with a pregnancy if it occurs, then that, too, is "safe" sex. Your protection in that case isn't a condom, it's the situation. However, unless all those conditions were met, a wise person won't even consider having sex without a condom. Make sense?
I REALLY need to ask you guys to look through the site FIRST for this stuff. The boards are meant to support the site, not replaace it. Overall, we mean the boards to be used for follow-up and discussion, and in cases where you can't find the information at the site.
But we can only spend so much time at the boards, so if everything gets done here, a lot of people are going to be waiting on info that is right there is you look through the site first.
Oh, in addition, Katri, I am married, we are both monogamous, and we still practice safer sex. When we want to have kids, we won't, but my general take is that few things in life are permanent. Though I would like to be with my partner for life, there are no guarantees, and since safer sex has never been a hindrance to anything for me, I don't see why I need to break the habit of practicing it.
Not doing it isn't horrible, but more times than not, a LOT of people end up getting STDs not when they are having casuaal sex, but when they are in long-term partnerships they ASSUME must be safe.
Thanks for the link to the page. I did look around the site but I never saw that one.
Although we are and will be practicing any kind of intimacy safely, I just wanted to know how big the risk would be any way, since there isn't any 100% chance way to guarantee either of us will end up with an STD. I just wanted to know if even "fooling around safely" was even worth the risk.
basically, in anything in life there is risk. We take a risk when we jaywalk, when we get into a car, when we go mountain-climbing. However, a mountain climber, for instance, while understanding that climbing is in and of itself risky, would most likely take every posssible precaution she could to make it as safe as possible, especially if there are other people involved.
When we practice safer sex, we aren't just helping to protect ourselves and our partners -- we're helping to slow the spread of disease for every single person alive. For me, that has always been the real issue: I just don't feel that it's fair of me to try and cut corners in my sex life that could harm someone I don't even know down the road.
It's impossible to factor any couple's risk without knowing their life histories, medical histories, family histories and general health. I wouldn't even try, because it just isn't my place.
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