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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » Pregnacy scared! Please advise!

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Author Topic: Pregnacy scared! Please advise!
Goldenrush
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(Sorry for posting this again, I think I might have posted this in the wrong place. I'm new to this website so I'm really sorry!) here is what my message said: posted 08-01-2013 10:08 PM
Hello! First let me start out by saying I am very grateful that I found this website as I am in desperate need of some advice!

Anyway, I'm 18 years old and my boyfriend and I decided to have sex this past Monday. Now, we did use condoms from start to finish, we had sex three times that day and every single one of those times we used condoms from start to finish. I am quite positive that none of the condoms broke at all, because I would always check them to make sure they weren't brown, even when I became dry, and the condom became dry and a bit bunched up, I would make sure or wasn't torn or broken before we continued. On top of all that, I asked my boyfriend if he would pull out before he came, which he did. He swears and promises that he never came inside of me. I don't think he held the base of the condom as he was pulling out, but it appeared as if the condom has a pretty right grip on him.
Monday, the day that we had sex, both for the first time, was the 6th day of my period, but for whatever reason, it seemed to stop that day before we had sex, I usually have a full seven day period.

Now my concerns are that I'm super worried that I might be pregnant, even though we used condoms and they never broke and my boyfriend swears that he pulled out before he came. Two days after we had sex, I noticed a little tiny bit of pale pink blood when I wiped myself. I mean, could that have been some period blood (sorry if this sounds gross) that dint finish coming out? Tuesday was supposed to be the last day of my period, but it appeared as though it had finished on Monday, which was the 6th day of my period, making Tuesday the 7th and then Wednesday, the day I saw the tiny bit of blood, the 8th day. I don't think I've ever had an 8 day period before, but is it possible that I t could be period related? Or could it be related to when I lost my virginity two days prior? I've heard of implantation blood, but that wouldn't happen that early, two days after sex would it?
Also, just after sex, I'll experience slight stomach cramps, like very slight, is that normal, because I've just started having sex, is that anything to be worried about? My breasts aren't tender or anything like that.

So my main point, what are the chances that I could have become pregnant from all I mentioned above, are my chances high? Or am I just freaking myself out for no reason? I really am pretty worried about this, so any advice or something to calm my nerves would be greatly appreciated! I'm just really scared, and I would love to hear back from you!

Thank you so much!
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Robin Lee
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Hi Goldenrush and welcome to Scarleteen,

It does sound like you're very worried.

The reason that it is recommended that someone hold the base of the condom while the penis is being withdrawn is to reduce the risk of the condom slipping off and remaining in the vagina. Since this didn't happen to you, there's no harm that the base wasn't held. Just know for next time that that's a good practice to get into.

Periods are funny things. just when we think we know exactly what they're going to do, they do something a little different--or a lot different. It's not unusual for a period to stop and start, or for their to be a little bit of bleeding even after we're sure the period is over.

It sounds to me like you could benefit from some information about reproduction. Here you go.

Where DID I Come From? A Refresher Course in Human Reproduction


I'm also wondering if, for your peace of mind, you'd like to use an additional method of birth control.

Given how nervous you are right now, it seems to me that taking a break from intercourse until you're feeling less worried might be a sound option for you. What do you think?

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Robin

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Goldenrush
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Thank you for the fast reply! I really do appreciate it! And yes I am very worried! [Frown] and I would love to use the birth control pill, but I'm not quite sure how to get it and I'm not sure if I could take it due to medical reasons. And I read the article that you posted. But I still have my question, and I don't mean to go back and forth with this, but taking all I said in my previous post into consideration, using a condom that remained intack and with my partner saying that he pulled out just before he came, what is are the chances that I'm pregant. Are they high enough that I should be worried?

And yes! I do fully plan on taking a break from intercourse until I feel more prepared for it or until I can be on birth control.

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Robin Lee
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hi There,

You know, I really should have given you an article on condoms, including their effectiveness rates.

The fact is that any time we engage in a sexual activity that could lead to pregnancy, there is some risk regardless of the birth control method used.
Here's that article on condoms. The effectiveness rates are right at the top.

Condoms

If you used condoms correctly for all genital contact, your risk of pregnancy is minimal. understand that it's just not ethically sound for me to say that you didn't get pregnant, but it truly is unlikely.--as unlikely, say, as finding a $100 bill on the sidewalk.

As to other birth control options (and there are more options than just the pill) you would need to talk to a healthcare provider about those since most of them need to be prescribed. The healthcare provider can also review your health history with you and help you make decisions about which method would be best for your body. Do you have a healthcare provider you could book an appointment with to talk about this?

You can take a look at this to learn about the broad range of birth control options out there.

Birth Control Bingo!

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Robin

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Goldenrush
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Thank you for the advice! It really is helping! And like I said, if the condem ever became dry or bunched up a bit, I would always make sure we fixed it and then I would check to make sure that there were no holes or anything in it, which I don't think there ever were, and my boyfreind swears that he pulled out right before he came. Yeah, I'm just worried and I'm not quite sure how to calm down, even though the odds of being pregant are not very high. Do you have any tips on how I can relax about this? Is it too early for me to take a pregnancy test, it's only been four days since we had sex.

Also, is it normal to experience some dull, cramping pain right after sex? Can worrying cause pain?

Thank you for all your help and advice! I really appreciate it! [Smile]

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Goldenrush
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Also, that blood that I saw two days after my boyfreind and I had sex couldn't have been implantation blood right? It would have been too early for that? I'm sorry! I'm just so worried! [Frown]
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Robin Lee
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Last question first: As you read in the "where did I come from" article, implantation doesn't happen (if it's going to happen) until several days after the sexual activity. Plus, implantation bleeding really is very rare. As I said above, periods can do funny things. It's kind of their nature. our bodies aren't machines so they're always going to be coming up with something new.

If there was a hole in the condom, you would have seen it. When condoms break, they split or shred in a noticeable way.

As to the dull pains you experienced, intercourse was a new experience for your body, and didn't just involve your vagina. Your muscles can be affected by any new activity, including sex. It's the same situation as the discomfort you might feel after doing a new exercise.

As to how to not worry so much, what generally works for you when you're feeling worried? What things do you do to help yourself feel calmer and more relaxed?

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Robin

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Goldenrush
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Thank you so much for your advice! It really is helping me! This whole sex thing really is pretty new to me, and since I lost my virginity I think I'm just freaking myself out when really nothing is wrong. And I'm pretty certain now that that blood was just from my period. [Smile] thanks for the reassurance though [Smile] and no, I never saw any tears or breakage of the condem, so the only way any sperm could have possibly gotten inside of me is when my boyfreind pulled out just before it as he was coming, though he swears he never came inside of me so I don't think that was very likely. Because like I said, the condom had a pretty tight hold on him. [Smile]

So, given all this, I think you're right that it would be pretty rare that I would be pregnant, while I know it's possible, like you said, I don't think it's likely. (At least I hope it's not)

I'm sorry for all the questions and I know I probably sound like I'm panicking (I am, a little bit) but I just wanted to get some advice from someone who actually knew what they were talking about, and I trust you. [Smile] it seems like the cramps only happen right after I have sex.

So I think I only have two more questions, and again I really do appreciate the help and advice! [Smile]

Question: should I take a pregnancy test? Or is it too early for that? Or is the risk not high enough for me to feel like I need to do that?

Question: is it normal for there to be slight pain in breats if I'm not on my period? They don't feel sore or anything, so I'm just wondering if maybe all of this worrying and dwelling on the topic of pregnancy is making me super sensitive and paranoid to every little ache and pain. Haha....I or myself too worked up, I know [Frown]

Anyway, thank you sooo much for all the help and advice! You have no idea how much I appreciate it! I promise I'll try to calm down and stop asking so many questions! [Smile] but would you mind answering my last two? [Smile]

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Robin Lee
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HI There,

You're very welcome. This really isn't a problem, okay? In other words, I don't mind the questions.

In terms of your breasts being sore, breasts can get sore at any point in the menstrual cycle for any reason. They're pretty sensitive to minute hormonal changes.

It's quite possible that because you're so worried right now you're hyper-focused on what is happening in your body--focused in a way that you usually are not. So, you might sometimes feeling twinges in your breasts, for example, but not wholly focus on them.

Condoms are meant to be a barrier between semen and the vagina (or anything else). So, even if your boyfriend had ejaculated inside your vagina, his semen wouldn't have come into contact with you unless the condom broke. It sounds like the condom was still on his penis after he withdrew, so there was nowhere for the fluids to go. [Smile]

If it would put your mind at ease to take a pregnancy test, then you certainly can do that.

Pregnancy tests are accurate when taken 14 or more days after the sexual activity in question.

Do you have a doctor or other healthcare provider you see regularly? I'm asking because now that you're sexually active with a partner, it's really important that you start getting sexual healthcare. A doctor or other healthcare provider can also be someone you can talk to and get information from around all these worries you're having.

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Robin

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Molias
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If you think taking a pregnancy test would help ease your mind, then you certainly could. They aren't going to be accurate until at least 14 days after the potential risk, so you'll have to wait until then. You can learn more about pregnancy tests here: Peeing on a Stick: All About Pregnancy Tests

In terms of soreness, bodies are so complex that there's always going to be the possibility of random or unexplained pain in one place or another. Breast soreness isn't unusual or abnormal, for sure, and it doesn't sound like a cause for concern if you're noticing it a little from time to time. And it's definitely possible for stress to cause physical pains and problems.
If you feel like you're attributing that sort of pain to pregnancy-related issues, I think this article could be helpful: Chicken Soup for the Pregnancy Symptom Freakout's Soul

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Goldenrush
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Thank you! And I'll look into those articles! Just one last thing, do you think I am at a high enough risk to need to take a pregnancy test? I mean, it's too early to take one now, but I'm honestly really scared to take one to find out the results even though I think I had pretty safe sex with the condom never breaking and all. And I think you're right that all my symptoms are stress related because I can't seem to stop dwelling on this to the point where I feel like I'm panicking about something that probably didnt happen....and I'm not asking for reassurance, or at least I hope that's not how I'm coming across, I'm just really worried and obsessing over this....

So yeah, I guess my final question is should I take a pregnancy test or do you think, based on what I've told you (and I know it won't be a definite answer [Smile] ) that I'm not at a high risk of pregnancy? Or should I just wait and see if I get my period in a month?

Oh and sorry! I guess I have one more question. I am pretty sure that I have a 30 day period from the days that my period starts to the day that it starts again the next month, and since I said that I was just ending my period when I lost my virginity, does that mean that there might have no been an egg there to be fertilized in the first place? Because I probably wasn't ovulating?

Again, I'm sorry for all my questions, I'm trying to keep a level head about all this, but it's hard to when Im so worried about it. [Frown]

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Molias
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It's really up to you whether to take that test or not. How about you take a look through all of the articles that have been linked in this thread and see where your comfort level is after that? We've gone over your risk level already, and at this point it's your choice to test or not.

Unless you've been keeping track of your cervical mucus and your basal temperature as well as just charting when your periods happen, you don't really have enough data to know when you ovulated. There's some more information on that here: Fertility Awareness (FAM)

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Goldenrush
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Okay! Thank you for everything! [Smile] I really appreciate it!
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Goldenrush
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And I have read through a good bit of the articles, and I feel better but I'm still a bit nervous. But like you said, I don't think there was a big pregnancy risk,
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Goldenrush
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Oh and yes! The condom was still on him when he withdrew! Sorry, I'm seeing thins that I had missed the first time I read this. And the condiments, for every use, never broke, at least from what I could see. I just hope I'm not pregant. And I'm definitely going to think twice before I engage in idea again.
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Robin Lee
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I wanted to check in again about whether you have a doctor or other healthcare provider from whom you can start getting sexual healthcare. I'm not asking this because I think there's something wrong, but because it's really important to start sexual healthcare once you begin engaging in sexual activities with a partner. A healthcare provider can also be an additional source of support when someone is having worries or fears around sexual activity.

So, do you have a healthcare provider you can go talk to about all this? If not, we can talk about how to find one.

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Robin

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Goldenrush
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No I don't. And I wouldn't exactly be able to easily talk to someone about this privately without my parents knowing and I wouldn't have a way to get there at the moment, so that wouldn't be very easy. I do have doctors, but none of them specialize in sexual topics. [Frown] How would I get to talk to someone without my parents knowing? I almost want to talk to my parents about this but I'm so scared that they will get mad at me or that they wouldn't understand that I tried to be safe but I'm still really worried. They don't know that I'm sexually active either. :/ Do you think there is a need to tell my parents about this? Because I'm really afraid to do that. But I'm so worried about being pregnant that it's all I can think about now it seems. I feel like the anxiety is causing a lot of physical side effects too. Definitely not having sex again any time soon, at least until I know I can mentally handle it.....it's nice to be able to talk to you though. [Smile] I really appreciate it [Smile] I mean, we've already discussed the fact that I'm more than likely not pregnant because the condom never broke or came off, it only got dry and bunched up a bit a few times but I made sure we fixed it and there were no obvious tears.......Im just really afraid and don't really know how to cope with this. And I'm sorry of I sound like I'm repeating myself, I just want to find a way to get through this without driving myself crazy with worry and dread :/
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Goldenrush
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Sorry, I have another question, can serious worry cause cramping and nausea?
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Heather
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Certainly, stress and anxiety can, and often do, cause stomach upset and other kinds of gastrointestinal distress.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Goldenrush
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Yeah that's what I thought. And it sounds like you all don't think I'm at a high risk, I'm just being super worried when I probably don't need to be. Anyway. Any advice on my last post, the one before this one? I'm so sorry that I keep posting and taking up your time, I'm still scared, though I am feeling better, I'm not looking at this in a very logical way :/
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Heather
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How did that Chicken Soup piece work for you, and some of the things it suggests?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Goldenrush
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Yes it did! [Smile] I seriously don't think I'm pregnant, I just worry too much. And since the condem never broke, and we used it from start to finish, does that count as perfect or near perfect use? Save for it bunching up or getting dry a few times, something that we fixed right away. Also, did the pulling out plus a condom help? I mean, it sounds like it's pretty impossible that I'm pregnant, I just can't see how it could have happened...look at me, trying to reassure myself XD

Anyway, thank you so much for all the help! [Smile]

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Heather
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When we talk about perfect use of a method, that means using that method following the instructions: using it correctly and consistently. So, if you used the condom as instructed, from start to finish, that's perfect use. And if it didn't slip off or break, then you can know it did not fail you.

By all means, using two methods instead of one increases effectiveness, and condoms and withdrawal are two methods.

But sounds like you don't feel very confident with those two methods, so, moving this forward, to choices that aren't already made, what do you think your takeaway is from now on? Might you feel better looking into a different backup method to use with condoms, like a hormonal method or IUD? or might you feel better stepping back with this kind of sex for now, until you feel more comfortable?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Goldenrush
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Okay, well the only things that happened were I think the condom might have slipped off a little bit, but that was before he came and we fixed it pretty quickly. It also bunched up a bit and became dry, but we stopped and fixed that too. I know for sure that it never broke. So maybe not "perfect use" but I'd say pretty close? He also pulled right right before he came. So does it sound like it could have failed?

Anyway, I kind of want to put this to rest, so do you think I'm at a high enough risk to where I will need a pregnancy test? Or so you think, in your opinion and based on everything I've told you, that I'm more than likely not pregnant and I should stop worrying so much?

I'm not going to have sex again until I'm on birth control, married, or at a time where it's okay for me to get pregnat. I don't want to ever have to worry about this again.

Thank you for everything!

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Goldenrush
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Oh, and when I say the condom "slipped" it never came all the way off, it only slipped a little bit, but we fixed it before continuing. [Smile]
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Heather
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Here is how to use condoms properly so you can know if you did or did not:


No, I don't personally think it sounds like pregnancy has been at all likely here. But only you can know if you think testing will make you feel better or not. That's up to you, though personally, I always figure if you've got $10, it's probably worth a shot to see if seeing that negative result helps. It can also be a good way to figure, if it doesn't, that you need a bigger kind of help, you know? Or that something else is obviously going on emotionally or per what choices you're making you need help with or to address.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Goldenrush
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What do you mean by a bigger kind of help?
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Goldenrush
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Thank you! And yeah, I don't think I am either, at least I hope I'm not! And what do you mean by a bigger kind of help? Do have anxiety issues, so yeah a person like me should be on birth control, I know.... [Frown]
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Heather
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Well, that can be one reason to need bigger help, yep.

And it might be that other methods of birth control help with that, or stepping back from sex until you learn more coping tools for anxiety, or other options. But it might be, if that is one issue for you, and a biggie, that taking more care of the anxiety, then making sexual choices from that space, be they about contraception, or having sex at all, is the way to go rather than trying to work only with what is triggering that anxiety.

This is all great stuff to talk with with the healthcare provider evaluating and/or treating your anxiety with you.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Goldenrush
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Yeah, that's probably true. Oh, and one last question I think, can sperm leak out of the bottom of a condom when he pulls out? But I guess he says he pulled out of me before he came or just as he was coming, so that seems unlikely that that would happen because it never broke :/

I should probably just stop thinking about this. [Frown]

A s yeah, about the anxiety thing , I just get a worry or fear into my mind and I won't stop thinking about it even if it's irrational kind of like this, yes, there is a small risk that I might have become pregnant, though, like you all said, it's highly unlikely. So yeah, I'm not having sex again until I feel more psychologically comfortable with it. And I'll have to tell my boyfreind that, but he knows I have anxiety and has reassured me countless times that he pulled out, so I'm sure hell understand when I tell him no more sex for now.

Again, thanks for all the help and support! [Smile]

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Karybu
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As long as the condom did not slip off, then semen leaking out of the base is not a concern.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Goldenrush
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Yeah, I dont think it did, at least I don't remember.

Thanks for everything! [Smile]

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Goldenrush
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Oh, it never slipped off all the way if that's what you mean. [Smile]
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