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Author Topic: Female friend being exploited online please help
Thatoneguy70
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I just want to cut right to the chase here:

My female friend made a video for her long distance boyfriend years ago (2006) that showed her bare chest and crotch. Flash forward to today, one of our friends saw a video that looked like her on a porn site, and it turns out someone had accessed and uploaded the video she made for her ex boyfriend. She is feeling very emotionally distraught, so we need to work through the psychological damage that has been done, but first off we want to do everything we can to get it removed from that site.

I already emailed the site owner and told them the video has been uploaded without consent and to take it down but haven't heard back yet. Is there anything else we can do at this point? Please help, this was a one off thing that she regretted immediately after she did it and made sure all copies were deleted a week after she sent the video, but apparently that was enough time for someone to access it.

Not that it matters much, but we know the ex boyfriend didnt upload it.

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Heather
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Let's start with getting it taken down: can I ask about the content of that request? was she a minor when it was taken, and if so, did you mention that in the request to have it removed?

In terms of her emotional care with this, what does *she* feel she needs right now?

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Thatoneguy70
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The content essentially went like this:

"I am contacting you on behalf of a female friend of mine who currently has a personal video posted in this site without consent. The video can be found here:

[link]

We would like to get this video removed as simply and quickly as possible. Please remove within 24 hours and respond via email to let me know you have done so and there will be no future issues"

To answer your question, no, she was not a minor when she made the video. It was made in college, and only sent to one person (her ex bf). I believe either her email or his was phished to get the video, or it was taken over one of their dorms LAN networks.

She is very distressed, cannot sleep, and feels nervous. All she can think about right now is getting the video taken down, she says she can't feel better until that happens.

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Heather
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What more likely happened, I have to say, is that her ex shared it with someone at some point, and then it got passed around the way videos and images simply tend to. But that might not be something to share with her right now.

What you sent to the provider probably won't get a lot of traction. I'd suspect it would work better if SHE sent an email herself saying it was of her, she did not give permission or sign any releases, etc. "A friend of mine," just isn't likely to make much headway, especially when the person sending the email isn't a lawyer, you know?

Does your friend have any access to any kind of mental healthcare or general healthcare? Sounds like that might be the next best step for her.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Thatoneguy70
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Ok, I can speak with her about that. I think she feels pretty apprehensive about speaking to anyone about this right now.

As far as getting it taken down goes, if neither her message nor mine gets traction, do you know if it is possible to pursue legal action or send some sort of cease and desist letter to the site?

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Heather
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Well, I'm hearing you express that she's really struggling, and with things like being unable to sleep for a long time, that's only going to make her feel worse and worse, and LESS able to handle this, not more.

Per the legal options, that really depends on a lot of things: the best answer I have for you is maybe. But one other thing she can do for herself here is to contact some legal help. Many areas have avenues for free or very low-cost legal help, and if she or you can't find them, I'd be happy to help you see what's available in your area, if you'd like.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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