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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » First Time Sex & Condom Fell Off/3rd Sucide Attempt/Emergency Room etc!

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Author Topic: First Time Sex & Condom Fell Off/3rd Sucide Attempt/Emergency Room etc!
catlover1997
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My boyfriend & I had sex for the first time on Saturday. About half way through it, the condom fell off. He put it back on and we continued. However, the more I think about, the more worried I become. My periods are often irregular because of my MDD(major depressive disorder)/clinical depression and I am on antidepressants to help me. I had my period last about two and a half weeks ago, but after telling my boyfriend that I don't feel like my period is coming; we both kind of freaked out. We are only 15 and have been together for quite a reason amount of time(4+months. Him and I talked to his bestfriend, and his girfriend and asked them what they thought we should do. Then, my boyfriend's bestfriends's girlfriend (what a mouthful!!!) told us that last year she had slept with somebody at a party she didn't know, found out she was pregnant and had an abortion. She hadn't told anybody and she said she was there to help me no matter what. They were all extremely supportive but I'm worried now, what if I'm pregnant? I mean, I'm only 15; still a kid myself. If I am though, which I have praying I'm not; I will have to make an extremely tough choice..abortion to keep it.

OKAY!!! So as you can probably tell I am a complete mess and could really do with some support and advice right now?

Also, as I said earlier...about my depression...I have had it since November 2011. I am on medication and I have an amazing counsellor and caseworker. I first tried to hang myself in November 2012, I told my counsellor a month later and I got admitted to the mental health out patient ward and got assigned an amazing caseworker. Then, in Febuary, I attempted again but did not tell anybody until the 24.3.13...so not that long again..I told my counsellor and I had a biiig breakdown and when Mom and Dad found out, they were so upset. We are normally are really close but they are getting sick of my depression, I can tell. My twin sister threw a mental spazz at me, told me I was being selfish and a billion other things. And so, me doing what I have done in the past...attempted to kill myself again; by throwing myself into a creek. (the other times I had tried to hang myself.) Anyway, Mom and Dad rang the mental health crisis hotline and they said to bring me in ASAP because I would probably hurt myself again and they wanted to see me. So, at 11:30 on a school night, I find myself sitting in the ER, with my dad and two doctors. I was still in my pyjama's and I was half asleep. Basically, we talked through everything and everything, and it helped a lot.
I told my close friends today, and my boyfriend; they were all really really upset. And so now my parents are watching me like hawks and my friends have no idea how to act around me or what to say. In their eyes, I am a ticking time bomb; ready to attempt again.

Also!!! To add to my problems...

I was sexually abused by my twin sisters best friend, who is also a girl. It went on for over a year and a half. I have only told my counsellor, boyfriend and caseworker. Nobody else knows. I don't see her anymore as we moved away but I am still so deeply effected by her and what she did. I often have flashblacks from it and I am constantly shaking because I get all scared; she screwed me up pretty badly & even now;over 6 years ago, it still damages more everyday. It is just constantly sitting with me, at the back of mind. I have talked to my counsellor about it but I didn't quite know what to say! [Frown]
Also, one last thing!!! [Frown]
I'm deaf and I wear a hearing aid In my left ear. I also have something called an fm system to help me hear properly in school. My sister and none of my siblings have hearing problems apart from me. i have a twin sister who has NO hearing problems at all also.
I have a boyfriend who is hearing and he is extremely sweet and supportive but sometimes I just feel awful because I can't hear and people treat me differently and I sometimes get people saying that their grandparents have hearing aids, and that makes me feel super weird. My close friends are really supportive and good about it, I have even named my hearing aid (Dory) and they think it's cute
I just was wondering..anybody got some tips or advice or even stories of anybody they know with a hearing aid? I would honestly love to hear them because I don't know anybody else with a hearing aid except my granddad and i dont really wanna sit there and compare hearing aid batteries with him! haha! no offence grandad

and also..im not at all shy about my hearing aid...i wear my hair up at school and people always ask me about it and i happily tell them.. i dont use sign langauge though..i speak.
also, i have trouble with communciationing with my boyfriend sometimes when he calls i cant hear him and we both get really annoyed about it...him because he cant hear me and cos he feels sorry for me..me cos i cant hear him and i just wana be normal :\
also, when im out with him and his family...they know i wear a hearing aid but sometimes i feel like they dont understand i still cant hear them...how do i politely tell them to face me and speak slowly etc?
thanks so much =) xxx


P.S. I used to have the account healingmyhurt but this is my new account [Smile]


Looking forward to hearing from anybody and everybody! I really need help, with my pregnancy scare, my depression/stint in hospital and 3rd attempt to kill myself etc etc.

HELP ??! xxxxxxxxx

[ 03-26-2013, 07:44 AM: Message edited by: catlover1997 ]

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Robin Lee
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HI catlover1997,

There's a lot to address here.

I thought parts of what you were saying seemed familiar. As per our guidelines, we need for people to only use one account. If you're going to be using this account only, that's great; just wanted to make sure that you wouldn't be using the other one too.

I know we've talked about some of the things you've addressed in this post in prior threads with your old account. Were you able to see the responses you got to those questions?


It sounds like you already have a lot of support around your mental health concerns, and that really isn't our area of expertise here at Scarleteen so not something we can address with you in any depth beyond making sure that you have access to resources to help you, which you do. I can definitely understand you feeling distressed by the reactions of your family and friends. I'd suggest talking to your counsellor or case worker about this next time you see either of them.

Having the condom slip off during intercourse is considered a condom failure, so there is a higher risk of pregnancy here than had the condom stayed on the entire time. If the sexual activity was less than 120 hours ago, taking emergency contraception can reduce the risk of getting pregnant. Depending on where you live, you might need to see a doctor or go to a clinic to obtain emergency contraception. In some places emergency contraception is available at a pharmacy without a prescription, but not usually to people in their early or mid teens.

If emergency contraception isn't available to you or it's been more than 120 hours since you engaged in intercourse, your only option is to wait for your period, or to take a pregnancy test 14 or more days after the intercourse occurred. If your period should come before that time, that will indicate you're not pregnant.


Is this information helpful?

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Robin

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catlover1997
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Hey there [Smile]
Yes!! I did see some of the posts you replied to on my last account. Also how do I delete my old account?
And it's been over 120 hours since we did it. We did in on Saturday and it is now Thursday. I have no way of getting to town as I live in the country and I can't go to the doctors or anything so I really have no idea what to do. My period hasn't come and I'm rather worried. My boyfriends best friends girlfriend has gotten me a pregnancy test but I can't get it off her until next Saturday at the earliest. I have no idea what to do and I'm really worried but trying not to let my boyfriend know how freaked out I am. I guess the only option is to wait until I get my period? If I do...yay. If not, where do you think I should go from there?
Thanks so much [Smile]

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Robin Lee
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Well, a pregnancy test wouldn't show you an accurate result right now anyway so waiting to get one isn't a disadvantage at this point. pregnancy tests aren't accurate until at least 14 days after the sexual activity that could have lead to pregnancy occurred. Here's some more information on pregnancy testing.

Peeing on a Stick: All About Pregnancy Tests

Can you tell me what makes you not want to tell your boyfriend that you're freaked out?

In terms of where to go from here, how would it be if we wait until you get the results of the pregnancy test (or your period comes)? If you get a positive result on the test, or your period doesn't arrive when you think it should, we can talk then about what to do from there. How does that sound?

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Robin

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catlover1997
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Thanks, will look at that article now.
And well, he knows how freaked out I am. He is too, so freaked out and angry at himself that he won't even talk to me. [Frown] He said he wants some space, so I'm giving him some space.
And well, my period is already late, that's what I'm freaking out about?? [Frown]

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Heather
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Hey there: I'm going to pick up with you for Robin today, so why don't you fill me in -- since there were a lot of different concerns expressed in your post up top -- on where you're at today, and what you'd like to talk about and address first, right now?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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catlover1997
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Hey there!
Sorry for the long reply, I have had so much going on at the moment!
I am honestly so stressed and scared!
My friend who is a bit older than me, brought me a pregnancy test and I will be seeing her on Thursday so I will take it then. I am so scared though, as my friend found out she was pregnant last year and she had an abortion. Because of this, and her kind personality, she is confident that I will always have her by my side for this and I am not alone, not matter what happens.
What are some signs of being pregnant? Like, symptoms??? I feel so tired and ill, I cannot sleep, I am constantly crying and I am already an emotional wreck as it is [Frown]
And also, I know you do not specialise in mental health but about my other post...I have considered applying for a rehab/healing centre two hours away from where I live..i would be there for six months and i would live there..i think it would honestly change me and help me with my depression so much but i dont know what to do..its a christian rehab place for young women 16-28 with eating disorders, depression, abuse, etc... i think and feel like i need to go but i am so so unsure of what to do..if i do go i would leave in may, i turn 16 then. i am so scared and uncertain...about these two things and i really dont know what to do [Frown] please help [Frown]

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Heather
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"Symptoms" of pregnancy really aren't generally sound, for a whole bunch of reasons. Check this out for more on that: Chicken Soup for the Pregnancy Symptom Freakout's Soul.

I'm not sure what you're asking for regarding this rehab place. Personally, I tend to be wary of mental health facilities associated with any organized religion, because there's a long history of some serious problems with that. But I could certainly take a look at the website for this place if you like and give you my impression, if that's what you're asking for.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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catlover1997
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Hey there!
Yes please? Www.agirlcalledhope.org.nz [Smile] also I took the pregnancy test this afternoon. It came up with two lines but one was very faint and faded away within a few minutes; what does that mean? An I pregnant? I'm so much more stressed now, shall I get another test? What would you recommend doing? Thank you so much! This website is my life line [Smile]

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Heather
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What did the test instructions or hotline say it meant?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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This place, overall, looks pretty good to me.

The main thing I'd be concerned about is this (from their FAQ):

quote:
A Girl Called Hope openly acknowledges that the programme offered is based on Christian principles and includes related activities such as attending church, devotions (bible reading and reflective time). While applicants do not need to be Christian to participate in the programme, it is important that they consider this element when applying. We ask that residents are open to hearing about God and exploring their faith.
How do *you* feel about that?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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catlover1997
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Hey there Heather!

Guess what? I got my period yesterday! So I'm not pregnant! Whewww! I'm so relieved! Haha.

& well, I'm Christian myself, but I don't like...I don't know how to explain it. I believe sex before marriage is okay, as long as your sure you love the person you are with and stuff. I have my own views around Christianity but I am Christian. I'm fine with how AGCH is based around Christian values, but I just am kinda worried I may get judged if I decide to open up about my boyfriend and I for having sex, and for me having been sexually abused.

Also, is it normal to have flashbacks of sexual abuse?
I was with my boyfriend and we were alone, sitting on the couch and suddenly I just felt really scared, like how I'd felt when I was being abused and I just pushed him off me and started shaking. It was really sudden, and I have no idea what triggered it but it freaked me out. it's not the first time it has happened but this time shocked me because nothing really seemed to trigger it, is it normal to have flashbacks of sexual abuse happening?
Thanks (:

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catlover1997
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& also, about what the pregnancy test said about one line disappearing...it didn't say anything about it at all. no need to worry now, because i got my period but is it normal for two lines to show up? and then one disappear? it was incredibly light, the 2nd line and it disappeared quite soon after..
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September
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Glad to hear your period arrived! That's one less thing to worry about [Smile]

I hear your concerns about that facility. If professional counselors judged you on something like that, however, it would be extremely unprofessional of them. Counselors are trained to put their own biases aside and attend to the needs of the patient. If you are concerned, though, you can call the admissions board and ask how they would deal wit this. And if you don't really feel 100% okay with their reaction, that is something to take into consideration when you make your decision.

Another thing you can do is get in touch with your counselor if you are seeing one right now, or someone you saw at the hospital when you were hospitalized, and ask them what they know about that facility and whether they think it would b a good fit for you.

As for the flashbacks - yes, unfortunately, that is very common for survivors of abuse. I am sorry this is happening to you! That would also be something to bring up with your counselor, if you are seeing one right now. They can help you develop some tools to deal with flashbacks when they happen.

I cannot really say much to the pregnancy test, as each test works differently in showing the result (as in, some have one or two lines that show a positive result, others have vertical and horizontal lines, etc). Also, you said the second line showed up after a while, and usually tests will become invalid. That is, they show the correct result only for a certain amount of time before the lines start to evaporate. So, unfortunately, I cannot tell you what the deal is with that. If you ever wind up taking a pregnancy test again, you will just want to read the instructions very carefully so you'll know what possible lines may show up, and how long the result is valid for.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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catlover1997
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Yeah! Whewww, so glad I got my period! [Smile]

I have been thinking long and hard about A Girl Called Hope, and I have realized I'm not prepared to go there for six months. I do not wanna leave my family, friends and my amazing boyfriend [Smile]
And yeah, thanks for that info! Apparently they aren't 100% accurate, is that correct?
Also, I have a few more questions haha, about sex; but it's not like urgent; so shall I post it on here or in a new thread? [Smile]

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September
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We have an excellent articles that covers all aspects of pregnancy tests, if you're curious:
Peeing on a Stick: All About Pregnancy Tests

Have you had the chance to talk to a therapist or doctor about your options, going forward, per therapy?

You are welcome to ask more questions! We'll do our best to answer [Smile]

--------------------
Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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catlover1997
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Hey there [Smile]

Yeah! I've talked to my caseworker and I'm going to try CBT therapy and also continue on with my normal counselling with my counsellor.
And yeah! I've have already read that article thanks [Smile]
Also; I wanna ask a few more questions but should I post them on here or in a new thread? Because I don't want to be a hassle! [Frown]

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catlover1997
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Hey there [Smile]

Yeah! I've talked to my caseworker and I'm going to try CBT therapy and also continue on with my normal counselling with my counsellor.
And yeah! I've have already read that article thanks [Smile]
Also; I wanna ask a few more questions but should I post them on here or in a new thread? Because I don't want to be a hassle! [Frown]

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September
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Awesome! Glad to hear it!

You are more than welcome to ask more questions. If you think that they are completely unrelated to what we have been talking about here, you can start a new thread, but it is also more than fine to stay in this one.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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catlover1997
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Thanks. I guess I will just ask on here then?

I feel.. I don't know how to even explain it. As you already know I have clincal depression and well; I have attempted sucide four times since November last year. And I'm just having a bad moment at the moment. I am with my friend now at her house and we are having an awesome time but I'm just so severely depressed. I'm not ever going to attempt again; the last time was under two weeks ago and it made me realise how precious life is. I don't want to die; I just want to be happy.

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catlover1997
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Continued from my previous past.....
And I just.. I don't know... Right now all I want is a cup of hot chocolate and my boyfriend to cuddle me in bed. I really really miss him right now [Frown] I haven't seen him since last weekend [Frown] and I don't know how to say this... But.. I feel like I'm completely nuts for saying this so please please please please please don't judge me on this... But I really wanna have kids with my boyfriend. Not now obviously!!! But like 19 or so. 18 at the earliest I guess. My life plan was all sorted out before I met my amazing boyfriend and started to heal from my depression. All I imagined doing with my life was making sure I was dead before I was 18. I know how sad that is aye? But ummm...now my life plan has changed completely. I want to marry young and be with Cameron forever and have a kid young. I want to make somebody else come into this world and be so happy and loved; because it'll be a piece of Cameron and I and I know anything that is made of Cameron deserves to be loved and treated well and a million other amazing things.

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catlover1997
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*continued from my previous POST
and I know how crazy it sounds but Cameron and I are really serious about each other. He said he wants to marry me and everything and have kids with me. He said he wants to marry me young but we haven't talked about the kid thing. Cos I'm really really serious. I know I sound mad ah, but ah.<\3

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September
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You don't sound mad at all! I am glad to hear that you are recovering from your depression and feeling ready again to make plans for the future. That is a positive step, and something worth being proud of!

But it also sounds like you still have a ways to go. Depression is not something that we can come out of just like that. Recovery is a long, hard road. And in a lot of ways and for a lot of people, depression is also something that you never beat completely, but rather something that you get better at handling.

You are very lucky in now having everything that you need to start on this road to recovery: you have supportive parents, good friends, a loving boyfriend, a caseworker, and a therapist. That is an awesome place to start!

So, in sum, I think it is great that you are making plans and starting to think about a future again. Don't put yourself down for that. But the best thing you can do for yourself right now is take it one step at a time, and focus on the present, and on getting better. Fantasize about married life with children, if that is what makes you happy and feels right to you. But make sure you focus your energies on the now, on your therapy, on what YOU need NOW to get better.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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catlover1997
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Yeah [Smile] well I mean MDD(major depressive disorder) / clinical depression is something that will never go away fully. I just need to learn how to cope with it better so I can live life to its fullest [Smile]
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catlover1997
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And yeah [Smile] I know what you mean! I'm just trying to focus on getting better but things from the past keep coming up from the past....like my sexual abuse [Frown]
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catlover1997
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And like I don't know... I just feel so intensely guilty whenever I do stuff with my boyfriend...such as kissing him and stuff. I feel like I dont deserve him at all [Frown] but I know I do [Frown] ah I'm just.. Really lost.
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September
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That sounds like something to discuss with your therapist. When you're feeling pretty down on yourself, it can be difficult to believe that you have something to offer to others. So that could be one of your priorities when you continue your therapy, to work on getting up your self-esteem.

You'll also want to be careful to engage in sexual activities you're not feeling 100% about. I know that can suck a lot, to miss out on things you'd like because your depression is getting in the way, but it is no good to do things when you're not completely into them. Might you be able to talk to your partner about your insecurities? Not to ask him for reassurance (as I am sure you know, feeling better about yourself is something that needs to come from within you, no amount of reassurances can do that for you) but so that he understands how you feel.

--------------------
Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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catlover1997
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Hey there!

Sorry for not replying earlier! I have been on holidays and such.
In regard to the last post; I have indeed talked to him about it. He tried his best to understand and that meant a lot to me. I don't feel like giving up engaging in sexual activities with him as I love him very very much and I feel comfortable with him.
I don't feel bad every time we do things, just somethings will sometimes remind me of my past abuse and it will set me off. This happened two weeks ago when he stayed at my house for the night. We had tried to have anal but I completely zoned out and became disoriented. I felt as if I wasn't actually with him, and I felt very very scared for some reason. I know why though; something similar to this had happened when I was abused. Anyway,it really upset me and I sat on the corner of my bed not talking to him for about 30 minutes. I couldn't get thoughts out of my head about what had happened to me when I was 9, and I was actually so upset I started crying right there in my room with my boyfriend just watching me. He would have cuddled me but I was so upset and shaken, I pushed him away.

Is this normal? :\
I certainly won't be trying anal ever again. Not after the horrific trauma I felt afterwards.

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Robin Lee
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It's not unusual for any event, whether it's a sexual activity or something completely unrelated to sex, to bring up memories of past abuse, or other bad experience. Our bodies and our minds are pretty closely connected, so things that happen with the body can prompt different thoughts and feelings.

It's also not unusual not to want to be cuddled when in this kind of distress. Different people need different things in terms of being cared for, sometimes at different times. [Smile]

Is this something you were able to explain to your boyfriend afterwards? Were you able to discuss it with your therapist?

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Robin

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catlover1997
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Hey,

& yea, I did talk to my boyfriend about it afterwards. But not my counsellor.

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