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Author Topic: Condoms
Nat321
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Hi scarleteen!
Yesterday me and my boyfriend have decided to lose our virginity to eachother. We used protection and were very careful. I have a question however.
When my boyfriend was putting on the condom, he began putting it on the wrong way. We both noticed this right away though. He immediately fixed his mistake and put it on correctly. Since I noticed that, I wiped off the tip thoroughly with my jacket until it became really dry. He even wiped it off with his hand. I even had to put my saliva on the tip because we seemed to wipe the lube off. He even said he didn't have precum and it the condom didnt touch his penis, but if it did Does this pose a pregnancy risk in any way?
I'm super worried, my stomach has been feeling odd. I'm supposed to be starting my period in the next 3-4 days.. I just need some relief and someone to tell me it's okay or what my chances are. Thank you so much :/

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Nat321
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Besides this isn't near ovulation or anything so my chances are even lower right?
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Robin Lee
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Hi Nat321,

What you described would pose STI risks more than pregnancy risks, as STIs can be transmitted through skin contact as well as fluids. You and your boyfriend are new to intercourse; have either of you engaged in other sexual activities with other people? Have you both been recently tested for STIs?

Unless you measure and record your basal body temperature and cervical mucus every day, and have been doing so for several months, it's not really possible to know where you are in your cycle.

So, to sum up: This doesn't sound like a pregnancy risk, but could have potential STI risks. In future, if this happens, you'll want to open up another condom.

This is also a good time for you to start getting sexual healthcare. Do you have a healthcare provider you can see for this?

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Robin

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Nat321
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Oh ok I see. So I really shouldn't worry about a pregnancy risk correct?
As for STIs, I engaged in sexual activies with one guy before. However he has never engaged in sexual activities with anyone. As for my partner now, he has never exchanged in sexual activities with anyone either. So I'm not really worrying about STI's though I think it's a good idea to get tested and everything.
Yes I have a healthcare provider I can see for this.

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Heather
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Again, what you described would pose STI risks more than pregnancy risks, and those risks exist anytime we engage in the kinds of sex with someone where STIs can be transmitted if anyone in the scenario has ever had any kind of sexual or intimate contact with someone else before.

However, if you're not feeling comfortable with what happened per pregnancy risk, you have the option of using Plan B.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Nat321
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Ok. Do you think it's really necessary to get Plan B though?
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Heather
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That's not really something we can answer for people, save when it's clear that a backup method has already been used, so we know Plan B won't do anything another method isn't already doing.

Instead, it's up to you to figure out if it's something you want and need at any given time, especially when only one method was used, and it wasn't a hormonal method that'd already be doing Plan B's job.

It sounds like you used the condom properly. But it's up to you to decide if you're comfortable or not with the use of a condom alone.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Nat321
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Thank you so much! Definitely put my mind to rest and gave me good advice. [Smile]
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Heather
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Glad to be of help. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Nat321
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Hi again.
I'm posting again because I've been completely worried about this. I have no one to talk to- besides my boyfriend. He really doesn't think theres any chance of pregnancy though. I believe him for a short while, but then I get worried again. I have anxiety issues, so maybe that's the reason why I'm freaking out so much.
I know I shouldn't be worrying and you told me multiple times this isn't really a pregnancy concern. But is there anything I can do to calm down? Any advice or anything you can tell me? Ive been eating alot this past week and my breast are starting to get a little sore (this happens before my period) I hope it will come tomorrow. That's when it is supposed to come

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Heather
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Do you currently have any therapy, tools or skills per managing your general anxiety that you're bringing to the table with this? If not, that's the place to start.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Nat321
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Yes kind of. I can work on that.
But an honest opinion, do you think this is something I should be concerned about? Regarding pregnancy

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Kachina
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Well, worrying doesn't really help anything. I would think about why you are feeling so anxious about it. Since all sex of the kind that can create a pregnancy will come with SOME risk, and all we can do is lower it (which you did), maybe you aren't ready for that kind of sex yet?

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~Kat
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Humans are allergic to change. They love to say, "We've always done it this way." I try to fight that. That's why I have a clock on my wall that runs counter-clockwise. - Grace Hopper

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Nat321
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I understand I lowered the chances with condoms and everything. I'm really not worried about the condom, it did its job. No rips or anything. I'm just worried about the situation before.
And I guess I'm not ready yet.

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Kachina
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Sorry, what do you mean by the situation before?

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~Kat
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Humans are allergic to change. They love to say, "We've always done it this way." I try to fight that. That's why I have a clock on my wall that runs counter-clockwise. - Grace Hopper

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Nat321
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When my boyfriend was putting on the condom, he began putting it on the wrong way. We both noticed this right away though. He immediately fixed his mistake and put it on correctly. Since I noticed that, I wiped off the tip thoroughly with my jacket until it became pretty dry. He also wiped it off with his hand. I even had to put my saliva on the because it was dry. He even said he didn't have precum and it the condom didnt touch his penis...
^^ But that's what I'm worried about [Frown]

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Kachina
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That was the incident in your first post, though, right? You said you were worried about the situation "before" so I wasn't sure before what...

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~Kat
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Humans are allergic to change. They love to say, "We've always done it this way." I try to fight that. That's why I have a clock on my wall that runs counter-clockwise. - Grace Hopper

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Nat321
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Oh yeah my bad. That is what I'm worried about though. I'm not worried about whether the condom worked correctly during sex or not. I'm just worried about the incident
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Onionpie
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Hi Nat. I know Heather asked earlier, but I wasn't too clear about your answer -- are you getting any therapy/counselling for your anxiety issues? Have you worked on using any of the tools you've learned around coping with anxiety to help with this particular case?

We've already discussed the situation with you, so you're already aware that your risk of pregnancy was very low; so it seems like this is more about anxiety. Are you planning on putting any sexual activity on hold until you're better able to cope with anxiety around this? Sex should be enjoyable and wanted before, during, and after the fact, and it's sounding like you are not enjoying yourself after the fact, with all this worry around pregnancy. So do you think it would help you feel a lot happier and more comfortable if you were to put any sexual activity off the table for now, until you are able to enjoy it and be comfortable with it before, during, AND after?

I also think what might be best for you here is to avoid focusing on this as a potential pregnancy risk, as you already know the facts about how low of a risk it was, and even if it were a real risk, there's nothing left to do about it at this point, right? So instead it might be best to look at the underlying anxiety here, instead of the incident itself. Does that make sense?

[ 01-09-2013, 10:11 AM: Message edited by: Onionpie ]

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Nat321
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Yes, I have been working on using the tools I have to comfort my anxiety. They're making me feel a bit more relaxed, so there's an improvement.
I agree with you about putting sexual activity on hold until I am completely ready. I wanted to start on birth control cause that would make me feel comfortable. Does planned parenthood give out birth control?
What you're saying is making sense. Thank you [Smile]

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Onionpie
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I'm really glad to hear your tools have been helping you feel more relaxed, that's really great [Smile] Have you talked to your therapist/counsellor at all about these fears around pregnancy that you've been having? If not, I think it'd be a really good idea, as they'd be able to help you with those specific fears, and it'd also give them a better understanding of where you're at.

Yep, planned parenthood does have birth control methods, and they usually offer them on a sliding scale -- so whatever you're able to pay, is how much it costs. I think that'd be a great way to help you calm your nerves around pregnancy, though as I said before, I also think it would definitely help most in the long run to work on this anxiety with your counsellor/therapist. Do you need any information on different birth control methods, or do you feel you already have a pretty good idea about which method will be best for you?

Also, if you need help finding your closest PP clinic, let us know your zip code and we can help you out [Smile] You may also find your location and surrounding clinics in our "find-a-doc" section.

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Nat321
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You're right it may be a good idea to share this with my therapist.. Ill consider it. I'm not sure if I would want to talk about a pregnancy scare with my therapist though.
As for birth control, yes can you please give me some information on which method will be best for me?
There's is a PP clinic right by my house actually.
I'm late for my period right now. This is starting the 3rd day of it being overdue. It's terrible. I've been having mood swings, light cramps and my breast are slightly sore. It couldn't be pregnancy symptoms though because that would be way too early. It's just freaking me out and I'm praying for my period to start soon :/

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Nat321
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I've been really stressed about school lately though. Especially since finals are in a week. Could that delay my period?
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Onionpie
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Hi Nat, sorry I wasn't able to get back to you sooner! We have a great article that walks you through finding the best fit for you when it comes to contraception:
Birth Control Bingo!

The PP clinic will also have lots of info on the different forms of birth control, and you would be able to talk to someone there about which type would be a good fit for you!

And for sure, you don't have to share anything with your therapist that you're not comfortable with. You definitely don't have to go into any detail about a pregnancy scare. You know, even just mentioning that you're having a lot of anxiety around sexual activity would be able to help your therapist get a better idea of how to help you [Smile]

Being three days late for your period isn't actually really counted as "late" at all! People's cycles vary; even if someone has a really regular cycle, sometimes variation just happens. Three days off is a pretty typical variation for cycles. And absolutely, having a lot of stress in your life can delay your period.

You know, when we have a lot of stress in other areas of our lives, it can trickle down into seemingly unrelated territory -- like our sex lives. Do you think that perhaps all the stress you have around school might be affecting how you're feeling around your sex life? So even just putting any sexual activity aside until things at school have calmed down might be a good idea for you. After all, you already have a lot on your plate, adding yet another thing isn't going to be so great for your state of mind!

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Nat321
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Thank you so much! For the article and everything.
And okay that's good to know it's not really late yet lol. So the weirdest thing just happened and it's a little weird to admit but..
I masturbated and after I was done I got up and there was some light blood. Like it was a very very light red, almost pink.
I don't think I teared my hymen or anything because I'm very active in sports, I use tampons, and I've had sex and masturbated before. My hymen would have been teared by now wouldn't it? Is this the start before my period maybe?

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Onionpie
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Hi Nat. No problem, I'm glad the info was helpful!

Hymens (more currently known as the "corona") don't usually tear, actually; they tend to wear away over time from hormones as well as sports/vaginal sex/etc. However, it's still possible to cause abrasions to your vaginal tissue, not just the tissue of your hymen/corona. So that's a possibility.

But what I think is most likely is that this IS the start to your period, since you're expecting it to come any time now. So I suggest waiting a while and you will see if it is your period! [Smile]

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Nat321
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Nope not my period /: 4 days overdue now. This is the worst pregnancy scare ever.
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Onionpie
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Well, spotting at the start of your period can last more than a day. So it will really best if you try to stay calm and remember everything you've learned about this incident and how unlikely pregnancy is, and just continue to wait for your period. Have you seen these articles?
Chicken Soup for the Pregnancy Symptom Freakout's Soul
M.I.A or, Dude, Where's My Period?
They might help you to relax [Smile]

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Nat321
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Thank you so much for the articles. I keep reading them over and over to calm myself.
My period is 6 days over due /: this is really frightening but I'm trying to stay calm. Ive been thinking, We used the condom properly so I really don't see how I could get pregnant. But of course I'm still worried. I decided to hold off sexual activities until I'm 100% ready.
I've been having period symptoms but no period. I have finals for school next week also so I'm just stressed. Could I just miss my period this month?
That has happened to me before but only like once or twice at the most. I'm 16 so my period could be irregular right?

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Onionpie
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Hi Nat! I'm glad to hear you've made a decision around sex that you're comfortable with [Smile] It is possible that you may miss your period entirely this cycle because of your stress. And it's not so much about age but about how long you've been getting your periods for that usually indicates when you'll become regular; if you've only had your periods for a few years, irregularity is very common.

If you're still having a lot of anxiety with this, and if you think it will help you calm down, you can always take a pregnancy test anyway. Some people find that seeing that negative can really give them peace of mind. You can take home pregnancy tests and get an accurate result at least 2 weeks after a risk (though three is recommended) or after a missed period. So if you feel like that's something that would help you, it's always an option.

[ 01-15-2013, 07:14 PM: Message edited by: Onionpie ]

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Nat321
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Ive had my period for only 3 years so I guess it could be irregular.
8th day, and It's still not showing up. I might just take a pregnancy test. How soon will it be accurate? I had sex on January 5th and now it's January 17th.
That was my first time having sex.. Could that mess with my period? Yesterday, I felt a sudden wetness and I thought it was my period so I rushed to the bathroom. All I found was alot of discharge that came out. It looked like egg white but was also sort of creamy. What is that?

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Kachina
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Having sex cannot alter your cycle at all unless it results in pregnancy.

We recommend you take a pregnancy test 2 weeks after the risk or after a missed period, whichever comes first. So if you are late for your period you could take it now and it should be accurate.

--------------------
~Kat
Scarleteen Volunteer

Humans are allergic to change. They love to say, "We've always done it this way." I try to fight that. That's why I have a clock on my wall that runs counter-clockwise. - Grace Hopper

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Nat321
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Hi scarleteen [Smile]
So I took a pregnancy test and it came out negative! Definitley more relaxed. I guess I may just get my period really late this month? I've been stressing like no other recently lol.
Just awaiting my period now. I was going to call planned parenthood tomorrow to schedule an appt. I wanted to get started on birth control. Because birth control + condoms would make me feel much more comfortable about sex. I want to make smart decisions about sex from now on.

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Onionpie
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Hey Nat, glad to hear it! And talking to PP about birth control options is definitely a great idea! I think it'll also be good for you to talk to your partner about what kinds of sex you are or are not comfortable with, and it's totally okay to need to take any sexual activity off the table until you're feeling more comfortable with it [Smile]
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