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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » Pregnancy Scare

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Author Topic: Pregnancy Scare
justbreathe
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Hello,

I have read the outlined articles recommended in the information post above.

On Sunday night/ Monday morning my boyfriend and I were fooling around. I did not have underwear on, he had his boxers on. My vagina was touching his boxers and feeling the pressure from his penis. I know he had pre-cum but I don't think he got very wet.

He also had his fingers in my vagina throughout the night at various points. Also he was licking my vaginal area.

I am expecting my period around the 15th or 16th of this month. My cycle is regular, but I don't know how many days in between cycles.

We are worried I may be pregnant. I am scared. Please help.

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Robin Lee
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HI justbreathe and welcome to scarleteen,

Since you have already read the articles we would suggest as a first step, can you give me an idea of what specifically has you concerned about pregnancy? What questions did you have that the articles didn't answer for you?

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Robin

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justbreathe
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Thank you.
I am wondering about this "Were you only kissing, having oral sex, manual sex and/or dry sex, where everyone had clothes on and no one ejaculated on or very near anyone else's vulva? These kinds of sex do NOT present any pregnancy risks, though some can present risks of STIs."

It said if everyone had clothes on. Like I said I had nothing on and my boyfriend had his boxers.

We also were not using a condom (as he had boxers on), and he did not penetrate into me with his penis, however it was pressing on me through his boxers. I am not on the birth control pill.

Is there any chance I could be pregnant?

[ 12-11-2012, 12:14 PM: Message edited by: justbreathe ]

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Robin Lee
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Hi There,

Only one person has to be wearing clothing for there not to be a risk. We've changed the article to reflect that.

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Robin

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justbreathe
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So what you're saying is we are fine, and I am not at risk of being pregnant? And I don't need to worry?
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Heather
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Again, you haven't described anything that suggests a likely pregnancy risk.

The only thing I'd add to this is that if and when the clothes are all starting to come off, and people are rubbing their genitals together, most typically, they're heading towards engaging in activities where there ARE risks.

So, how about talking with your partner about what your plans are moving forward, when you'll need condoms for STI and pregnancy protection, and additional birth control if you want it? Or, if you just don't even want to go there anytime soon at all, or got really scared this time around, maybe it's time to talk about slowing things down?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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justbreathe
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Thank you.
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Heather
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Of course. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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justbreathe
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I got my period this afternoon! I'm much more relaxed now that this has happened. [Smile]
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Heather
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Fantastic.

feeling better about moving forward from here engaging in sex in ways that feel a lot safer to you?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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justbreathe
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Yes, my boyfriend and I haven't talked about what happened on Sunday/ Monday morning yet. I am ready to talk, but am waiting patiently for him. He wanted to make sure I got my period first.

We will talk about that when he is ready. I'm sure I'll be back with more questions soon! I'm SO glad I found this great place, just in time!

I am not sure how to start that conversation with him. What should we do from here on out?

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Heather
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I think that it's clear it's time for that talk because YOU need it and you are ready. And really, if he's been ready for the kinds of sex you have been having, then the least he is ready for is talking about them, you know?

How do you start that conversation? Maybe you talk about how scared you were in the last week or so, and maybe you talk about how you don't want to be scared again. Then you can discuss what you think you need in order to feel differently.

But really, you just start: that's how you start. Ideally, we talk about sex BEFORE we engage in any of it, not after. Sounds like that communication hasn't yet really been established here, so it's past time to start, and all you need to do to do that is just bit the bullet and get started. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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I'd also add that if you didn't feel able to lean on him for support during this scare, that's something that you need to talk about changing, too.

The least, IMO, we should be able to do with any kind of sexual partner is call on that partner when we have tough feelings about anything that has to do with sex we've been having with them, you know?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Robin Lee
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What the two of you do from here on out depends a lot on what level of comfort you have with different sexual activities. So, for example, would you like to continue engaging in the activities you have been? If so, I'm guessing from what you've said here that you'd want to start using some kind of birth control method. Or, would you like to dial back the intensity of the sexual activities so you're not feeling concerned about possible pregnancy risks? These are just a couple of things to consider when looking at where you and your boyfriend should go from here.

In terms of having a conversation, one of the most helpful things is to have any conversation about sex away from sexual activities in a nonsexual situation...that is, not having the discussion right before, during, or right after engaging in sexual activities with each other.

For other ideas on how to start the conversation, check this out:

Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner

If you're looking to dial back the intensity of sexual activities, you might find this helpful:Whoa, There! How to Slow Down When You're Moving Too Fast

We can talk about any of this in greater depth, if you'd like. [Smile]

--------------------
Robin

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justbreathe
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quote:
Originally posted by Heather:
I think that it's clear it's time for that talk because YOU need it and you are ready.

That's a really good point.
We discussed our boundaries and expectations about a month ago but things have changed since then and we're willing to engage in different things since then. I know in his mind sex is with just penis and vaginal contact, which is one kind, but obviously we've been doing other things like oral etc. So I hope he will understand that.

In terms of dialling back the activity, I think that's what the plan it- at least that's what I have in mind. I know we've scared ourselves.

I don't think I'm looking into any sort of birth control for myself. However, any tips to be taken into consideration with further activity would be helpful! I'll take a look at those articles for sure.

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Robin Lee
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Sounds like it's definitely past due for that conversation then. Remember too that it doesn't all have to be figured out in one sitting. Often things that mean a lot to us take a while to sort out.

If you're wanting the sexual activities to be less intense, you get to have that happen. It's possible that isn't what your boyfriend wants, and the two of you can certainly negotiate, but everyone's comfort level is important and the person who wants less intense contact (or no contact at all) is the one who ultimately gets to decide what kind of activity the two partners would engage in...otherwise, you'd have people engaging in activities they didn't want, and that's not what consensual sex looks like.

--------------------
Robin

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justbreathe
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We talked earlier tonight (before I saw your latest post Robin).

It was great! We've reestablished what our boundaries look like.
Talked about the future, and everything is on the mend.

We've determined that if we do something like what happened earlier this week, multiple layers of clothes will stay on at least on person (not just boxers like last time.)

His additional idea is that we use a condom in addition to him keeping his boxers on. I just don't see that working/ staying on. I understand his idea is that the condom will be under his boxers so that no fluids will be released onto the fabric. Does that make sense?

We're certainly going to be more careful from now on.

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Robin Lee
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HI There,

Yay. I'm glad to hear you had such a productive, mutually-supportive conversation.

It really is okay for his fluids to be released into the fabric. That doesn't pose a pregnancy risk at all, but if both of you would be more comfortable with him wearing a condom, you could certainly give it a try. Both of you wearing clothes, or him wearing more than one layer, may feel a little more natural than using the condom, but anything is fine as long as it physically and emotionally works for both of you. [Smile]

--------------------
Robin

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justbreathe
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Awesome!
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