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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » not sure if pregnancy risk from manual sex, or severe anxiety.

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Author Topic: not sure if pregnancy risk from manual sex, or severe anxiety.
arrestomomentum
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okay so me and my boyfriend just started getting intimate around june this year. however, we both refused sex. Instead, we mess around with oral and manual sex. Now, whenever we engage in these sort of things, we're in the nude (sorry about detail, thought it would be significant), and he ejaculates first. I tell him to wash his hands before he gives me manual sex, and he does. I know from the article "Pregnancy Scared?" says that manual sex does not pose a viable risk of pregnancy, but i always take the extra measure to ensure that the chances of pregnancy are reduced by a lot. After we do this, i resort to taking 4 birth control pills, twelve hours apart at least 120 hours after, as emergency contraception, but there were times when i would only take one dose because these pills would make me extremely nauseated.

Since then, I have had my periods. However, I have had more than two pregnancy scares, and until now i am still losing my mind about it. anyway, my panic started increasing the time before i got my period in september. At the time, I was still very very stressed, school, and i was in the middle of a scare. I was waiting for my period, but then it arrived 6 days late, but now i conclude that it was delayed because of my constant stress and worrying that it delayed my period and gave me a nasty case of nausea- which i took to be a sign of pregnancy, and continued to make myself severely paranoid. Anyway, this period was especially weird because a.) it was a lot longer, but lighter than my regular period and b.) it was a different color: maroon-ish, and it started out very light and got heavier through the week. in fact, i went to gynecologist for this, and she said it was normal for me to have a late/wonky period like this because it could be caused by stress. i would also like to add that before this "period" when i was originally supposed to expect it, i took a pregnancy test, which turned out to be negative, and then around 4 weeks after the first pregnancy test, i took another, and again, negative. and then i read about false negatives, so i got really freaked out again.

Since then, i have been extremely paranoid, and i have worried myself sick with what the internet had to say about my situation. my worries have gotten so bad that i'm pretty sure my mind had caused extreme nausea, frequent urination, etc. anyway, so right now, i'm on my period, and it's right on time. it's still kind of weird because for me, it's usually the first couple of days that are heavy with huge clots, but now, the clots are smaller, and my period is slightly lighter. so again, i am worrying myself to the point of nausea, irritability and insomnia. if you're thinking why i should be worried when i have my period already, i read around that there are some pregnant women who still bleed during pregnancy, and i am very thoroughly freaked out by this. since september,my period has been kind of weird, and i am terrified that i am an exception to the "if you get your period you're not pregnant" rule. so first, can someone tell me what might be going on with me? and also, i'm pretty sure the only thing that will ease my mind right now would be an ultrasound, but can someone tell me if this is necessary?

i'm sorry if this post is so long, i just need a solid convincing that i am not pregnant. at this point, i would much rather have an anxiety disorder than an unwanted pregnancy. and advice would be good too [Frown]

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Wiz the Wizard! with a possible mental problem

Posts: 52 | From: Philippines | Registered: Oct 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Onionpie
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Hi arrestomomentum, welcome to scarleteen! I'm afraid we don't answer pregnancy risk assessments. It sounds like you've read our articles on pregnancy risks, so you already know everything we have to say about whether this is a risk or not.

It seems like you're still having some major anxiety around this -- even despite multiple periods, a pregnancy test, and a gynecologist reassuring you that your period being a bit late is totally normal. So it sounds like even what we might say about this may not put you at ease.

I think it'd be really useful to you to start seeing a counsellor because of how severe your anxiety seems to be around this. We find with users who are this worried about pregnancy, the anxiety is more underlying and isn't specifically about the pregnancy risk. So the way to stop feeling so anxious around this often isn't to get reassurance that it's not possible to be pergnant, but to get counselling to help you cope with the underlying anxiety.

I'd also say that, for now, until you do start getting help around this, it might be an idea to back off from ANY sexual activity for now, because it seems to really be affecting your happiness and mental well-being right now.

We suggest to users that they only participate in sexual activity that they are 100% comfortable with -- that is before, during, and after the activity. And right now it sounds like the "after" is causing extreme amounts of stress for you, which just isn't good for someone's overall well-being and happiness, you know?

What do you think? Is finding a counsellor to help with anxiety an option for you? Do you think stepping away from any sexual activity will help reduce your levels of anxiety for now?

Posts: 1311 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
arrestomomentum
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i am thinking about talking to my school's health services' pediatrician and a guidance counselor. hahaha i feel like a crazy person already. and what i do makes me feel like i'm turning into a crazy person. it's just that i'm constantly expecting the worst. each day after the numerous scares i've had, i keep thinking "what if i am pregnant and i just don't know it?" or "what if i could be that one-in-a-million case that people keep talking about on the internet. i feel really terrible right now. i'm doing my absolute very best to keep this away from the people who i care about like my mom, my close friends, etc. but i could swear a while ago, at a restaurant, i saw a pregnant woman and i almost cried.

i'm pretty sure i'll be stepping away from any sexual activity, and i'm pretty sure that even in a long time from now, i'll still be very much at unease. what do i do?

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Wiz the Wizard! with a possible mental problem

Posts: 52 | From: Philippines | Registered: Oct 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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HI arrestomomentum,

I first want to check in with you about the way you've been taking birth control pills. Do you also take them daily in addition to using them as emergency contraception? The way you're using them as emergency contraception: Did you talk to a doctor or pharmacist about using them that way?

IN terms of your period being different from other periods, our bodies are not machines, and it can sometimes be that our periods are lighter, or follow a different pattern of bleeding, than they have previously. Also, those things coming out are clots of tissue, which, again, sometimes they're going to be bigger or smaller than at other times.

You know, sometimes anxiety can be more intense when we keep quiet about it. In addition to Onionpie's suggestion that you talk with a counsellor, I'd also suggest that you talk with someone in your life whom you trust. How do you think your Mom or your friends would react if you told them about this anxiety?

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
arrestomomentum
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a government website from my country suggested that i could use birth control pills as emergency, it did not say anything about taking them every day. yes, i have talked to a pediatrician and she said that using this method of birth control often could harm my stomach and increase the chances of getting breast cancer.

what freaks me out a little bit is the sudden change of my period ever since me and my boyfriend started messing around. i remember when i was fourteen when i could feel HUGE clots coming out, like they could be as big as white mice or something (sorry, TMI), but now they're the size of tylenol tablets/capsules/whatever. it would comfort me a lot if i knew what happened to the huge clots.

to be honest, i find talking to complete strangers to be more comforting than talking to my mom or close friends at this point. i'm pretty sure i'm the last person they would know who would be doing the nasty.

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Wiz the Wizard! with a possible mental problem

Posts: 52 | From: Philippines | Registered: Oct 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
arrestomomentum
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could my weird periods be long term effects of the way i used birth control pills?

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Wiz the Wizard! with a possible mental problem

Posts: 52 | From: Philippines | Registered: Oct 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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If by long-term effects you mean something that will be with you the rest of your life: no. ON a time by time basis, though, taking hormones can impact menstruation.

Not sure how old you are now, but it's not at all unusual for people's periods to change over time, so the fact that your periods are different from the way they were when you were fourteen is can be explained simply by the fact that our bodies change. There's nothing unhealthy or abnormal about the change you've described.

You know, with the intensity of anxiety you're talking about, and your knowledge of the factual aspects of what causes and doesn't cause pregnancy, it really is sounding to me like your mind might be telling you that the kind of sexual activity you're engaging in is just not right for you right now. What do you think about having a talk with your boyfriend about not doing those sexual activities and sticking with activities that you're more comfortable with?

BTW, around here we don't like to call sex "the nasty"; we think it's a pretty cool thing actually, and don't like to degrade it by using words like that. [Smile]

I certainly do understand how it can feel safer to talk to strangers. Any chance you can have a chat with your school counsellor soon?

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
arrestomomentum
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yes, we have had the talk, and we both agreed that we aren't ready for another intense ordeal right now because the last time we started panicking (because of me, really), we almost caved.

I'm pretty sure the thing causing all of my panics is that I keep looking into the possibilities: what happens if i'm actually with child, what happens to my family, my career, etc. especially since i don't really see myself as a mother in the very distant future.

right now i feel like such a terrible person: hurting the people i love the most without actually hurting them. if you know what i mean. I probably won't have any chance to talk with a professional counsellor until a week or two from today, but i will, just to ease my mind a little bit more, get a third HPT for some reassurance.

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Wiz the Wizard! with a possible mental problem

Posts: 52 | From: Philippines | Registered: Oct 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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Hey There,

Maybe it's time to stop looking at all those stories on the Internet? [Smile] It might help to know that while people do have plenty of unique situations specific to their own bodies, a lot of the stories online about things leading to pregnancy that really can't are false, or at the very least don't contain all the information that would make them true.

Have you seen this article yet? If not, I think you might find it helpful.

Chicken Soup for the Pregnancy Symptom Freakout's Soul

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
arrestomomentum
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thanks, so much for your help. After this ordeal, i really think i'm not ready for any sexual activity, no matter how tempting it might be, especially with someone i hold close to my heart. I'm probably going to sit in a cold room and have a little chicken soup and *try* to relax. [Smile]

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Wiz the Wizard! with a possible mental problem

Posts: 52 | From: Philippines | Registered: Oct 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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