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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » Guy I've been IM'ing on a dating site threatened to kill himself

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Author Topic: Guy I've been IM'ing on a dating site threatened to kill himself
Jill2000Plus
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What do I do?
Posts: 840 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Onionpie
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Hey Jill, I'm sorry you have to deal with something like this. I know how scary it can feel to have someone threaten that. You could report him to the site authorities so they could ban him or they might report him if he's been making other kinds of threats to other users or if there is any other reason for concern.

The likelihood that you're the only one he's made this threat to is slim, so if you feel up to it, reporting him to the administrators will be your best bet for having him stop threatening anyone at all, including you. You can also block him for now so that he doesn't continue making threats to you.

How does that sound? How are you doing right now?

Posts: 1311 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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This isn't our area of expertise, really.

Here's a list of suicide hotlines that you can suggest to him, based on where he lives.

http://suicidehotlines.com/international.html

Many centers that run suicide hotlines and other crisis interventions also have information on their sites about how to help someone in crisis.

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Robin

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Jill2000Plus
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I blocked him on both my email account and my dating site account, I did say please don't kill yourself, and then I left him a message saying that if he wanted to kill himself over a petty misunderstanding then that was his responsibility and I wasn't going to play games like that and I wouldn't blame myself if he did.

That may not have been the best way to handle the situation, but he'd never talked about being suicidal before, so I thought he was probably doing it because he thought it would make me feel upset, and I'm not willing to engage with him anymore because I don't want to be harrassed by him.

[ 10-14-2012, 05:19 PM: Message edited by: Jill2000Plus ]

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Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

Posts: 840 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Onionpie
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Sounds like you made a good call and went with your gut instinct here. It also sounds like you did all you could do, and there's nothing else you can do about it now [Smile]

Is there anything else around this that's more within our scope that you would like to talk about?

[ 10-14-2012, 05:24 PM: Message edited by: Onionpie ]

Posts: 1311 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jill2000Plus
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Maybe this is a bit strange, but it didn't upset me all that much, as I've been suicidal for years and I've long grasped that it isn't cool to threaten to kill yourself over minor little things, I do hope he doesn't kill himself even though he does appear to be a rather manipulative, nasty person, but I don't think I'll lose any sleep over it because I'm aware that I am genuinely blameless here, I wasn't rude or mean, I didn't break his trust over the sharing of anything personal that he shared with me, I quickly apologised when he was upset by the IM I worded poorly, and he's a pretty tech savvy guy so he should know better than to assume the worst when someone words things a little clumsily. I hate to be so casual about it, but he's probably just trying to get a rise out of me, so I don't think it's worth my time to beat myself up over it, I mean, I have people in my life who don't do manipulative shit like that that I want to make sure I don't hurt, I'd rather spend my time on them, and taking care of myself.

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Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

Posts: 840 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Onionpie
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I think you're right on with your analysis here, it does sound like he was being deliberately manipulative to get an emotional reaction out of you, and I'm glad to hear you're not having any of it. It's totally understandable that you're not upset by it.
Posts: 1311 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jill2000Plus
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Thanks for being supportive [Smile]

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Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

Posts: 840 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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