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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » How To Relax

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Author Topic: How To Relax
Laurel222
Neophyte
Member # 96359

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I have read all of your pregnancy risk articles, and another thread addressing something very similar to this. I took a shower with my boyfriend today, and his penis touched my hip. If there had been any pre cum on it, which I don't even know if there was, does this pose a pregnancy risk?

I always kind of have an upset feeling in my stomach after doing anything physical with my boyfriend and I don't know why. It could be scared of pregnancy, but I'm not sure. We are always careful- he washes his hands before touching me and one of us always has pants on. (I asked my mom for birth control and she said no.) I want to do everything when we start, so I don't know if it is regret or what. Any ideas on how to get over this issue?

Thanks!

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Onionpie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 41699

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Hi Laurel222. As you're aware already, we don't answer pregnancy risk assessment questions. The information in the pregnancy risk articles has everything you need to know to be able to assess this situation. Is there anything specific from those articles you need help clarifying?

Also, if you are so anxious about this and feeling weird after sexual activity, I'd really suggest you take a step back from participating in any kind of sexual activity for now. At scarleteen, we advise people that they make sure they feel 100% comfortable with any sexual activity and any involved risks before they participate in it, and if you're feeling weird about it after and are very anxious about situations like this causing pregnancy, I'd really say it sounds like you probably aren't 100% comfortable.

What do you think? Does that sound off-base, or would you agree with me on that? What do you think about stopping sexual activity until you're feeling better around it?

[ 08-29-2012, 09:50 PM: Message edited by: Onionpie ]

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Laurel222
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I just need clarification on one thing. I know pre cum or ejaculate had to be on or near the vagina but I'm worried about it because it was on my hip and we were in the shower. I just don't think the article addresses that.

And I feel like stepping back might not be a good answer. Well it is good temporarily but I don't want to be scared of everything sexual, I want to get through this. I just don't know what to do.

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Onionpie
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Showers don't change pregnancy risks, since sperm don't travel in water, so that's nothing to be concerned about. "Near" the vulva means very near -- your hip is not close enough. Basically "near" means anywhere where it could get to your vaginal opening if, say, it dripped -- so usually somewhere like the anus or perineum.

I also hear you on wanting to be able to get through this. However, I think that continuing to participate in sexual activity you're not entirely comfortable with isn't really going to help you to GET comfortable with it. What I would really suggest is that you consider getting some in-person help with dealing with and working through your anxieties, like therapy or counselling. Do you think you'd be willing to try that? We can help you find local therapy and counselling resources for you if you'd like.

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Laurel222
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Thank you, that's a relief to hear.

And I don't really think that is an option for me. Do you think talking to my boyfriend about it will help? He is very understanding and i'm sure he would be fine with stopping for however long I need. How could I start that conversation, or what are somethings that I could ask?

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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HI Laurel222,

The article doesn't address that because it doesn't make a difference whether you're in a bath or a shower, or anywhere else. The same kinds of things pose pregnancy risks, and the same kinds of things don't pose pregnancy risks. Having semen or pre-ejaculate on your hip can't pose a pregnancy risk. Does it make sense to you why it can't?

I often say that sexual activity needs to feel good before, during and after it happens. Right now it doesn't feel good after it happens. Perhaps this is anxiety over pregnancy. If so, do you think that doing things like having your boyfriend wear a condom whenever there is sexual activity involving his bare penis would alleviate your anxieties?

Alternatively, you don't have to stop all sexual activities. Do you find that you have less anxiety/uncomfortable feelings after some activities than after others?

--------------------
Robin

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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And yes, I do think talking to your boyfriend would help.

One of the important things with having a conversation about sex where you're looking to change things is to have that conversation when you're not in the heat of the moment. It can be good to choose a time when you're alone, and are pretty sure you won't be interrupted, and when you can just sit and talk without it being about engaging in sexual activities.

For more ideas, take a look at this:
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
and
Whoa, There! How to Slow Down When You're Moving Too Fast

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Robin

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Laurel222
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Member # 96359

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I talked to my boyfriend and he suggested we take a break from physical activity until I am completely ready. We figured out what the problem was and are working on fixing it.

The only thing I was confused about was whether or not the water could have pushed the sperm down to my vagina. Thank you for clearing up that it does not work that way.

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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You're most welcome...and I'm glad to hear you and your boyfriend had a good chat and are on your way to figuring things out to be good for both of you. [Smile]

--------------------
Robin

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