Donate Now
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » Scared again

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Scared again
Talluvega90
Neophyte
Member # 95902

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Talluvega90     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I posted my story for this question to be better clear, but i think it has been moved to another forum. I know regnancy doesnt come through fingering but i've been having a hard time because my ex raped me long ago and my actual boyfriend was fingering me but he didnt even take his jeans off so there is no chance fresh semen was on his hands. I have no risk right? His hands were previously washed.
Posts: 9 | From: Somewhere | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
HI Talluvega90,

When you say you're having a hard time, do you mean that you're having a hard time because you're worried about pregnancy, or something else?

Have you read this post on pregnancy risks? If not, can you take a look and then we can talk about it.

Afraid you might be pregnant? Please read this first.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Talluvega90
Neophyte
Member # 95902

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Talluvega90     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I've read those articles, i have another post called my story But it was moved to all aout you... I mean by pregnancy scares because i know that isnt a risk but still freaks me out.
Posts: 9 | From: Somewhere | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hewy there: I moved that post because you'd said in it is was for other users, so I didn't want you to have it somewhere where they couldn't reply to you. [Smile]

You know, reading that, it sounds pretty clear to me that really, you still aren't ready for this yet, and while your boyfriend now isn't being abusive, per what you described, it also doesn't sound like he really was going at your pace. Someone saying "we are ready," after all is saying something that isn't their place: he can only speak for his readiness, not yours.

So, I think some of this fear isn't just about old stuff, but also things moving too fast now, too.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Talluvega90
Neophyte
Member # 95902

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Talluvega90     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thank you heather, we decided to make a standby for now until both of us are ready. But basically what freaks me out more is the past, i feel like i will never be ready and i know i can wait as long as i want and he also told me to better wait, besides we can keep our relationship growing until both of us are ready, i dont know how to explain it but i dont want to end up panicking, when my ex raped me it was like the first time i did have sex and i didnt like it and i didnt felt comfortable enough to tell anybldy about it, i called my actual boyfriend and he said it is ok and that he will be there for me if i need someone to talk to i mean he is my boyfriend and our relationship isnt based in sex and besides he added we shouldnt rush it as you said. Thank you and i will appreciate some advices in how to let go my fears or at least start working on it.
Posts: 9 | From: Somewhere | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, rape isn't sex, just like, say, a gynecologists exam isn't having manual sex (fingering) with a partner. Know what I mean?

So, you were assaulted. You didn't engage in sex. You still get to choose if you do that and when. [Smile]

Did you ever get any counseling around that assault?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Talluvega90
Neophyte
Member # 95902

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Talluvega90     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
No i never, the first time i have ever talk about it it was with my actual boyfriend, it is still kind of hard even though i know it is ok to not feel ready and to cry about that. Thank you so much for your time
Posts: 9 | From: Somewhere | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Would you like to be able to find a counsellor to talk to about the assault? That's something we may be able to help you do.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Talluvega90
Neophyte
Member # 95902

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Talluvega90     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi, i was browsing scarleteen and i read a post about a girl and a abusive boyfriend, i know it might sound weird but it made me come down a bit.You're right, i was abused and it had nothing to do with sex, ses is a way of giving you and your partner pleasure and under the right circumstances, im glad after reading that girls posts that i realized my communication with him shouldnt have no boundaries and i should have told him of my abuse before saying im ready too, my boyfriend went with me to see a psycologist and it was really hard telling her everything, i just came back from it and now i was talking to my boyfriend and he apologized he said it was wrong from him to never fully make sure i was feeling ok with everything i told him that if i never told him before it was because it was an event i was trying to erase but becoming sexually active isnt the way of working it out, he said he will help me in everything he can and that if i have read your articles and everything i should be more calm from what happened with him. I am feeling a little bit better but i dont want to have like flashbacks or to feel bad about the past ever again
Posts: 9 | From: Somewhere | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm glad that you found the articles helpful. It takes time to feel okay and calmed down, so it's alright if it takes you a while, even after talking to us and the psychologist, reading the articles, and talking to your boyfriend.

Will you be able to talk to the psychologist again?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Talluvega90
Neophyte
Member # 95902

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Talluvega90     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yes next week or so i think i will be able to, also i got diagnosed with OCD and the phycologist said it is probably the reason i freak out too much because anything isnt 100% sure, i felt more confortable talking to you and thank you for your help
Posts: 9 | From: Somewhere | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You're most welcome.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Talluvega90
Neophyte
Member # 95902

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Talluvega90     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey but nobody answered about my risk, from what i read i conclude there isnt any, and again thank you for your help and understanding
Posts: 9 | From: Somewhere | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
As you read in the articles, there is no risk. [Smile]

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Busymonkey17
Neophyte
Member # 95906

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Busymonkey17     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Even if i ejaculated right next to her and it was visible in the water?
Posts: 25 | From: United States | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Busymonkey17
Neophyte
Member # 95906

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Busymonkey17     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
sorry i meant to post on my blog, my bad [Frown]
Posts: 25 | From: United States | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yes.

Really, if it was possible for conception to happen this way, we'd have said so in any of the articles we have -- or the kind you can find at other conception or contraception websites -- here about this.

It certainly is not at all in our interest to not give people that information when it is actual, as it is part of our mission to do what we can to respectfully and accurately help people prevent unwanted pregnancy.

(Also, just FYI, in this area of the boards, Busymonkey, we ask users to please make their own threads, rather than jumping into those of others users, which often derails. Thanks!)

[ 05-29-2012, 03:22 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Talluvega90
Neophyte
Member # 95902

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Talluvega90     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Heather you were referring to busymonkey right? Because in your articles i read there is no way for pregnancy to occur through manual sex, though ths type of sex may involve some STDs
Posts: 9 | From: Somewhere | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yep. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3