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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » virgin addict!!!

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Author Topic: virgin addict!!!
t.
Neophyte
Member # 94336

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a trusted friend suggested that i add a friend of her's on facebook. he was 19. we talked a lot and had a ton in common! the only catch was i was 15 at the time, thats a four year age difference! he suprised me at my house one day, i didnt even have makeup on. he still made me feel beautiful. this was also the firat time we met in person. he also kissed me. we started hanging out more and about a month later he asked me about sex. i told him that i prefer to wait. a few weeks later, he pressured me into sex. we did it and i regretted it instantly. i wanted to talk to someone so bad, but he begged and pleaded me to not tell anyone about our relationship. i decided that the best thing for me to do was get out of the relationship. i told him he got me pregnant, he left before i even suggested we should end it.
the next time i heard of him was when i learned my best friend was dating him! (she was 15 then too) i told her almost everything that happened between us. despite my warnings, she went out with him. after they broke up, she called me and told me everything. everything he did to me, he did to her.
he pretend to love us so we could let our guard down around him. he just wanted sex. unfortunately, he still does. he's had a rough life losing his mom and sisters at a young age, so my guess is that he has yet to learn to respect women. i, personally just want to get him help so he can stop. he is still creeping on high school girls.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I really doubt you can help him, or that you'd be the right person to do so.

For starters, sounds like he's potentially harming people, so I'd be more concerned about them than him.

But more to the point, whatever his history (lots of people lose parents or sibs and don't prey on people, so who knows if his history with that has anything to do with this), someone with manipulative behaviors needs help from someone trained in working with that and a person with that training who isn't vulnerable to them. Plus, he needs to actually want that help for himself.

Your best bet? Staying away from this person. If he says to you he wants help, you can certainly suggest he talk to a professional, but otherwise, I'd back away and keep a safe distance. I'd also focus on taking care of yourself: if this person coerced you into sex -- which is a crime and often a trauma -- you have your own care you need to tend to and put first.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
t.
Neophyte
Member # 94336

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so theres no way that i can stop him?
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Saffron Raymie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 49582

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Unfortunately not. He needs extensive therapy from a professional trained in the kinds of therapy abusive/manipulative people need to change their harmful behavioural patterns.

Manipulative behaviours are sytematic, meaning they will keep happening, without a strong desire and commitment to change and willingness and commitment to attending behavioural therapy. He isn't 'addicted' to anything - he is making the choice to manipulate and harm others. 'Addiction' is only about chemicals, like alcohol, not behavioural choices, like manipulation.

It's extremely likely that this person will harm you again without really wanting, for himself, to change himself, with professional help. So, your best bet is to stay away for your own self-protection.

[ 02-04-2012, 08:17 AM: Message edited by: Saffron Reimi ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

Posts: 1285 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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