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Author Topic: Crisis center experience
srk20
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Hi there, I jus wanted to share an experience that I had after a pretty bad pregnancy scare months ago (before I found this website and got truthful information)
The only options I found online for pregnancy related counseling was a website called optionline. They linked me to a crisis center. I went in and saw the "nurse" and she said she needed an hour to speak to me and would counsel me through everything. I was already extremely scared and she reassured me that they had lab quality tests in their facility so I had nothing to worry about.
I gave my pregnancy test sample and went into a room with her where she interrogated me about my life, my partner, my upbringing and finally my religion- and wrote all of it down. I started crying because I didn't understand why she was asking me these questions and what sort of information she needed. She then asked me if i had been educated on the different types of abortion methods and proceeded to explain each one of them to me which frightened me even more. She then pointed to a basket lying on the floor which had "surgical instruments" in it which were used to abort late term pregnancies or ones where the pill had failed. I proceeded to cry even more and shuddered at the idea of that happening to me.
After 45 mins she went back and checked the result and told me that it was a no and to come back and see her the week after to make sure that i wasn't pregnant because "many women test positive the first time and end up being pregnant the second time."

I know that heather is an advocate against the mistreatment of people so I wanted to know if there can be any steps taken to complain against this establishment for the way that I was treated (anonymously ofcourse).

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srk20
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Sorry I meant to post this in the "Ask scarleteen" section. I will post it there now.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I'm so sorry you weren't able to find us or Backline instead! And it sounds like it goes without saying that I'm so sorry this was done to you: you're right, this kind of maltreatment makes my blood boil.

There are some things you can do to get proactive about this. The ACLU has been taking good action around CPCs, for starters, so you can contact your state ACLU. You can also contact your state and local officials and ask them to support legislation some states have adopted which requires CPCs to honestly make clear what they are.

If you want any help finding those contacts email or with some links to the kind of legislation I'm talking about, I'd be happy to do that.

One other thing you can do is to write an op-ed about this for your local paper. All too often when this happens to people these experiences go unnoticed and unrecognized, and the more awareness about them, the more likely it becomes that CPCs will be less and less able to engage in fraud and maltreatment like they do.

How are you feeling, emotionally? If you want to talk through any of that for yourself, I'm happy to listen and give feedback.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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srk20
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Unfortunately due to my culture and religion I've had to be pretty mum about the experience and scare in the first place so I won't be able to do any of those proactive things [Frown] I would however like to talk it out because I've been harboring these feelings for so long. I'm pretty much traumatized that it happened. Along with the insane fear of pregnancy that was occurring, that experience added to my anxiety and worry very deeply. I want to be able to forget it and move on. I want to not be afraid of engaging in any activity as long as it is safe. I've become so incredibly afraid of pregnancy and what can happen due to the misinformation that I received and the center experience, that now I'm worried that pregnancy can happen from just about any contact with my partner. How can I move on from all of this? Unfortunately I can't go to a psychiatrist because I'm a student right now and not working and I don't want my family finding out. Are there some things that I can do on my own to move on from these fears and this trauma?
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srk20
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Unfortunately due to my culture and religion I've had to be pretty mum about the experience and scare in the first place so I won't be able to do any of those proactive things [Frown] I would however like to talk it out because I've been harboring these feelings for so long. I'm pretty much traumatized that it happened. Along with the insane fear of pregnancy that was occurring, that experience added to my anxiety and worry very deeply. I want to be able to forget it and move on. I want to not be afraid of engaging in any activity as long as it is safe. I've become so incredibly afraid of pregnancy and what can happen due to the misinformation that I received and the center experience, that now I'm worried that pregnancy can happen from just about any contact with my partner. How can I move on from all of this? Unfortunately I can't go to a psychiatrist because I'm a student right now and not working and I don't want my family finding out. Are there some things that I can do on my own to move on from these fears and this trauma?
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Heather
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Well, reporting to the ACLU is something you could do and ask for privacy, and you could also write a letter to your reps anonymously. In fact, I think making clear that you're inclined to be silent on this because of your religion and culture would pack a punch: that makes you additionally vulnerable, after all, and thus, easier for CPCs to exploit. [Frown]

I hear you with those feelings: when someone instills fear in us on purpose, and with a lot of practice in doing that, it can be very hard NOT to be deeply impacted.

So, lets' start with this, since what someone needs in a situation like this won't always be the same things: what do YOU think you need?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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srk20
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I guess I just need reassurance that I'll be okay. That the activities that I am engaging in and have before are not risk related. That my birth control is actually working and is another added barrier of protection. I want to feel like it's not easy to get pregnant and that it's not a viable possibility if I'm not engaging in genital/genital sex.
If I give you a list of the activities that I engage in, is there any way that you can give me the precautions to take with each so that I will not have to worry about a risk? I've read the pregnancy scared article time and time again but I feel like it doesn't shed enough light as I need on activities that are not related to direct genital-genital sex.
I engage in: performing oral sex and handjobs on my boyfriend, and receiving manual stimulation from him, and dry humping where both of us have at least 2 articles of clothing each covering our genitals.
I also want to know that if any of these DOES somehow lead to a risky experience- that my birth control is protecting me. I take it at the same time every night (between 10:30pm and 11:30pm the latest and have never missed a single dose).

I just want to know that I'm doing all the right things, Heather. I don't have anyone to really educate me on how to be safe and protect myself. I'm not engaging in direct sex for a reason which is to prevent pregnancy at all costs and I feel like since I am being responsible about that, I should also responsibly handle the other activities that I do engage in to make sure that there is no risk involved.

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Heather
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I can absolutely do all of this for you, no problem. Which method or methods of birth control are you using?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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srk20
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I've been using Safyral (oral combination pills) since about April of this year. And again, we do not engage in genital/genital intercourse and never have so I don't really have a backup method.
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Heather
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Got it. I'll hop on this for you first thing tomorrow morning, in as much detail as possible! [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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srk20
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Thank you sooo much!
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Heather
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Back, and thanks for waiting.

So, I think you already know the broad brush here: pregnancy risks only exist if and when a) there is direct penis-to-vulva contact and/or b) when semen comes in contact with your genitals, be that your vulva, rectum, or anywhere VERY hear that vicinity. To be as clear as I can, very near would probably not me the top of your mons (where your pubic hair begins), your lower back or a lot of your thighs, but could be places like towards the bottom of your mons, or the most inner part of your thighs. But even in those latter cases, the risks would likely be low.

The other things to know? How big the risk of pregnancy is is also about how fertile we are, something many people just won't know, when we're fertile, and/or what method of contraception we're using and how effective it is. The type you are using acts in three ways, one of which is suppressing ovulation, so the issue of fertile times is pretty moot. That method also offers a perfect use effectiveness of 99.7% in one year, and a typical use effectiveness of 92% in one year. Since perfect rates are clinical trials, and you want it real here, assuming a person uses it very well like you are, not more typically (like with a missed pill every now and then in a year), it's sensible to average those rates and look at something like 95% effectiveness.

Practically, what that means is that of every 100 people using an OCP (oral contraceptive pill) for one year, 95 will not become pregnant and 5 will. And those rates are all figured for people having genital intercourse or kinds of sex very, very much like it (like direct genital-to-genital rubbing): they do not factor for things like oral sex because sex like that, by itself, does not present a pregnancy risk. One thing that might help with all of this is knowing that getting sound effectiveness rates with these kinds of contraception are VITAL to their manufacturers, so you can be sure that if all kinds of sex presented pregnancy risks, they'd be studying them all, and you'd see rates for various kinds of sex from those manufacturers, especially since we can know the rate of effectiveness would be 100% for some kind of sex, something you can probably figure out why they'd love to claim, since these are for-profit industries, okay?

Here's a to-point list for you for activities like you're asking for:
• oral sex to your boyfriend: no pregnancy risk, only infection risks
• handjobs to my boyfriend: no pregnancy risk, only infection risk (though with this, that is still very low)
• manual stimulation from him: same as above
• dry humping where both of you have at least 2 articles of clothing each covering our genitals: no pregnancy risk, no infection risk

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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srk20
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Thank you sooooo much for giving me this elaborate breakdown, Heather.
I really really appreciate it. So ultimately, are you saying that that I am acting responsibly in all the activities that I'm engaging in with zero risk? Does that mean that I can continue on without anxiety or fear that something will happen? I want to be as safe and responsible as possible while still being able to be intimate with the person that I love.

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Heather
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When it comes to pregnancy, if you are only doing those things you listed and without ANY direct genital-to-genital contact or any genital contact of yours with his genital fluids, then yep: you're not taking pregnancy risks here.

I can't say if that means you can continue without anxiety or fear, because that's a mighty big question. But for sure, you can see how having all of those facts listed in a way that you feel now works for you does or doesn't help and start there.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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srk20
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I guess the only fears that I have had is the possibility of his genital fluids coming near me by fingering or dry humping, but I assume that added layers before humping and him washing his hands before fingering can take care of any sperm that could be present- right? This doesn't necessarily mean washing with soap and water and drying thoroughly (because sometimes in the heat of the moment he forgets to dry) but soap and water should take care of any sperm that may have been present, right?
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Heather
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You can know when there is a risk of his fluids winding up in a place where they're going to pose a risk of pregnancy if: a) his genitals are on or near your genitals directly, or b) he's pretty much aiming his penis at your genitals when ejaculating.

And yep: handwashing before any manual sex for you takes care of any residual semen that might be on his hands very efficiently as well as effectively reducing the risk of any infections.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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srk20
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I understand. Thanks so much for your help, Heather. I actually had one last question for you. For the past few months I've also been taking Lialda- it's a Melsamine medication, I think it's also known as an NSAID for Colon inflammation. There's a part in my Safyral BCP leaflet which says that taking these together may increase potassium concentration- do I have to worry about that? And also, do the NSAID tablets affect the effectiveness rate of my BCP?? I tried searching all over but wasn't able to find this sort of info- would appreciate your help!
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Heather
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The very best person to ask both those questions of would be your pharmacist. That's a huge part of their job -- checking these things for people who take more than one medication -- and they have databases to pull their data from on this easily, with information I'm certain is always going to be more current than what someone like me, who is not a pharmacist for my living, could find.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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