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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » i don't know what to do

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Author Topic: i don't know what to do
MissyMindy
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Member # 56099

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I'm a student, and I have been sick for most of the semester so far, so for my poli sci class, I got an F on the test we had... I went to my professor to talk to him about it today, and he told me to come back in an hour, so I did.

when I came back I started talking about how I was sick, and that's why I did so poorly, and asked what I could do to raise my grade, like extra credit and he said there were a few things I could do, and then he started to unzip his pants, and I got freaked out. he saw that i got freaked out, and he told me that if i wanted to pass, then to suck it. and i said that i would take the F. he got this crazy look on his face and told me to sit, and i was scared cause he looked like he was going to hurt me. he told me not to tell anyone what he was about to say. he said "u keep your mouth shut, and nothing bad will happen" then he pushed my books out of my hands, grabbed me, and started touching me everywhere. then he made me touch him. and i kept telling him to stop, but he wouldn't. and my shoe fell off, and he pulled my jeans down, and my underwear, and pushed me against the wall, and i couldn't breathe, and he was in me, and he was pulling my hair, and pushing me harder against the wall. when i tried to scream he started choking me, and then the next think I remember was laying on the floor face down, with him putting my shoes on me.

I don't know what to do. Eveyone always talks about him as the nicest professor on campus what is no one will believe me?
I don't even know who to tell
I was looking up what to do on google, and came across this site I don't know if I'm posting in the right place sorry if I'm not

Posts: 4 | From: long island | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Welcome to ST, MissyMindy. This is certainly the right place for your post.

I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through.

My suggestion would be that you start with an appointment at your university's health center, or another clinic. Since this only just happened, you still have some time to get EC (it can help reduce the pregnancy risk for up to 120 hours). While you're there, you'll also want to schedule an appointment for a full STI screen.

You'll also want to consider whether you want to press charges. If you want some more support and information around this, and just in general, I'd suggest getting in touch with a crisis counseling center. Some universities have services specifically for victims of assault and rape, so that would be a great place to start. If your university does not have such a service, you can look for other counseling centers near you via the RAINN.org website.

Is there anyone near you that you can talk to? Maybe a close friend who'll go to the clinic with you, or just listen to you and be there for you?

And if there is anything else that we can do for you, just let us know.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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MissyMindy
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the health center in my college is so unbelievely stupid... last week I said i was sick, and they said to stop "faking" it... so I decided to just leave, and as i was leaving, I fainted in the waiting room... so they're idiots.
what do i do when i have to see him for class? I'm in his class 2 times a week... everyone said that he was the nicest professor on campus, that's why i took his class...
I wouldn't know who to tell... I'm not going to the health center, and I heard that if you go to the hospital, then you have your privacy invaded, and they examine you everywhere. and the last thing i want right now is to be touched

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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It's unlikely that at a hospital you'd wind up getting a GYN exam/rape kit done now if you've already taken a shower since. But just so you know, that is always optional: no one can or will force a victim of assault to do that. In the case that is still an option for you, it is just that: an option. If you want to press charges, it's in your best interest to let them try and collect any evidence of genital assault which may be present if you think that happened, but once more, that's up to you.

Your privacy at hospitals is protected by very stringent and serious laws and policies -- HIPAA law, for starters -- so the idea that going to a hospital means you get your privacy invaded is incorrect. As well, if you make clear you are an assault victim, you will be treated as such, with hospital staff taking extra care to try hard not to trigger you or make you feel further invaded. Most hospitals have what are called SANE nurses: these are nurses with special training for sexual assault victims.

My best suggestion would be to go to a hospital and also ask to file assault charges against this professor who assaulted you. They an call the police for you and bring them in. Many colleges, very unfortunately, do not handle assaults on campus well, especially around staff.

[ 02-17-2011, 03:05 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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MissyMindy
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I can't afford to pay for a visit to the hospital... and I'm on my parents insurance, so won't they find out? I can't have them find out, no way... that would be the worst.
if I press charges against him, then won't everyone in the school find out? what if he denies it?
I'm too scared to tell anyone. I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world, I trust him with my life, and I'm too scared to tell him... he knows the professor too
I'm trying to just deal, and live my life, and not think about it it seems to be working a little, hopefully it'll keep working.
but sometimes I do find myself thinking about it, and nothing else, like I just space out and think about it, and feel it, and then I start freaking out. what can i do to not freak out? I have his class tomorrow. maybe if I show up late, and leave really fast at the end it won't be so bad.

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September
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Is there a clinic, such as Planned Parenthood near you? There you would also be able to get EC and schedule an STI test, which I think are your priorities right now.

If you do not want to file a report, you don't have to. But it might be a good idea to get an exam done just in case, so you know that you've got everything lined up in case you change your mind about pressing charges.

I also think, again, that in terms of pressing charges and what to expect from that, the very best person to talk to would be someone from a crisis counseling center who has experience in this area and can give you a realistic assessment.

And talking to someone from a counseling center would just be a wonderful idea in general, so that you work through what happened to you and start to heal.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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MissyMindy
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I'll get tested... what would the exam involve exactly?
I don't want to go to a councling center... I don't want anyone to know, and I especially don't want to tell someone that I don't know what happened.
especially since it is a teacher, if i go to the councling center in my school, then they might report it.

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September
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Again, you do not need to go to the counseling center at your school: you can find other counseling centers near you via the search option on the RAINN.org website. Any consultation there can be completely anonymous, you don't even have to tell them your name.

But I do think that it's important for you to talk to someone. A rape is a pretty serious thing to go through, and as much as just forgetting about it sounds appealing, it's not something that's actually possible. Even if it seems like you can repress it now, sooner or later it will resurface. So I would encourage you to take advantage of any help you can get now.

This link explains what an exam may entail:
http://womenshealth.about.com/lw/Health-Medicine/Womens-Health/After-Rape-Getting-a-Medical-nbsp-Exam-is-Essential.htm

You can also get additional information from a counseling center (and if you're not ready to see someone in person, RAINN also has a hotline you can call). And remember that no one can force you to submit to the exam: you always have the option of stopping at any point.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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MissyMindy, why don't you just start out with a call to the RAINN hotline? It's free, it's totally confidential, they can fill you in on all your options, and I feel like you might benefit from talking to someone more in-person about this, so that phone call could be a good start.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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