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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » Abuse?

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Author Topic: Abuse?
XXXHayleyBabyXXX
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Over the past year I feel that my stepdad has become emotionally abusive and borderline physicaly abusive towards me and my mom. He loses him temper easily, yelling at the two of us. Once he starts it could go on for hours.

He shouts and swears but loses it completly when either of us use language with him and he denys that he ever speaks like that to us even though we both know he has. He's refered to me as a "lazy bitch", "spolied bitch", "f*cking brat" and made a comment about me being out "turning tricks" which according to him was a joke though neither of us found it funny or beleive he said it in a lighthearted or joking way. He's told both me and my Mom regarding an incident that happened a couple of weeks ago involving a mutual friend of theirs that she was "slobbering all over him like a slut" which me and my Mom beleive to be completly untrue.

He's gotten in my face several times. So close that his spit was going into my eyes while he verbally abused me. I beleive he enjoys intimidating us and acting in a very threatening way.

They were arguing the other night and as I had an important day in college the next day and had to get up in four hours I told him to have a bit of consideration and keep his voice down. Which ended in him storming into my room at 2am shouting and screaming calling me a bitch. When my Mom tried to drag him out he shoved her out of the way and continued to try and get in my face. My Mom attempted several times to get between us and restrain him from getting to close to me which resulted in him repeatedly shoving her out of his way.

He's made what I feel to be very inappropriate comments regarding my ex boyfriend. He hates him and when my Mom dosn't share the same opinion as him about him he tells her to "go spread her legs for him" and at one stage told her to go have a threesome with me and my boyfriend. I consider this worry to be completly irrational and don't understand how her not hating him with a passion translates to her wanting to sleep with him.

He puts her down alot with nasty comments, dosn't respect her opinion and tells her she "dosn't know what shes talking about" or to "shut up" occasionally when she voices a different opinion to him.

He has come home drunk a number of times and verbally abused us and continuously got in my face although my Mom has told him to stop. And either not remembered in the next day, denied it or ignored it and pretended it didn't happen.

One minute he's shouting and roaring and two minutes later he's telling her he loves her.
He always denys the abuse telling us we took it the wrong way, that we're twisting what he said, that we're lying and just generally tries to minimize the abuse and convince us that we somehow deserved it. He refuses to admit that he treats her badly and when I told him I'd sort him out the other night if he ever lay a hand on her again he got in my face and told me to go for it and continued to try and provoke me into hitting him until my Mom stopped him.

I most deffinetly beleive him to be an abusive person but he refuses to admit it. Am I making a big deal out of nothing or is this as serious as I beleive it to be? Yes I shouldn't have threatened him if it happened again but a grown man getting in a 19 year olds girls face and daring her to hit him??? He can't seriously think that's ok. He's since been playing the victim and trying to make us feel sorry for him but I'm not falling for it

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Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you

Posts: 73 | From: rockin the nation from a secret location haha | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You are absolutely describing emotional and verbal abuse here, and some of it is also sexual-verbal abuse. It also sounds like the abuse may be escalating to becoming physical abuse. (And I wish I was surprised this was in your home: most of the time, if and when a young person winds up in abusive relationships of their own, it's because they grew up with abuse at home.)

Much of what you are describing here are also very typical abuse dynamics: the cycle of abuse, the denials and excuses, etc.

I would strongly advise that you look into getting OUT of this house and get help for your mother and the rest of your family. You can do that by filing a report with the police or family services. You can also connect with a local domestic violence agency if you feel better about asking for intervention that way.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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XXXHayleyBabyXXX
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Thank you for the quick reply. What could the police or family services do? I had considered it but didn't know it was an option if he hasnt physicaly abused us....yet anyway

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Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you

Posts: 73 | From: rockin the nation from a secret location haha | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Physical abuse is not the only kind of abuse which is a crime. ALL abuse is a crime.

So, they could intervene, consider what, if anything, your stepfather could be charged with. If there are minors in that home, they would determine if that is a safe place for them and if not, intervene there, either by doing regular supervised visits, removing your stepfather from that home, or finding other homes for children in that house.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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XXXHayleyBabyXXX
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Do you beleive I've mentioned anything he could be charged with? I didn't realise this was an option

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Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you

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XXXHayleyBabyXXX
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And there are no children. I'm an only child and I'm 19

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Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Like I said, battering -- emotional/verbal abuse -- is a crime. As well, it sounds clearly like the abuse in your home is starting to escalate to physical abuse.

Seriously, can you get out of there? I'd take care of you first, and then we can talk about how to get your mother help.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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