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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » Confused & Struggling

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Author Topic: Confused & Struggling
Keok
Neophyte
Member # 42945

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I had an experience last night that is confusing me and I am not sure how I feel about it. I have an ex who is still in my life and last night we were fooling around and he wanted to have sex but I didn’t and I told him no. In the past he has always listened to me when i have said no regarding sex. This time he didn’t. He went in despite my saying no, don’t, I don’t want too. I tried to push him off but he wouldn’t get off. He was asking me to say certain things and I kept saying no. At one point I thought he understood when I said come on get out of me and tried to push him off because he stopped moving like he was going to stop but then he started again. He said he wanted to f*** me but he already was doing it. He also said he wouldn’t be able to do it If I was crying but I wasn’t crying..... I was just saying no and trying to push him off. He also said he wouldn’t be able to finish unless I told him he could?????? He didn’t have my permission to be doing what he was already doing to me let alone finish!!! It was like he was not understanding that I was saying no and that I didn’t want this!! SO confusing!! I feel like I was being very clear with him.... He was saying please, please, please and seeking out permission to “finish” and he kept trying to get me to say things I didn’t want to say. I continued to say no and eventually he got off me and it was before he ejaculated so I don’t know what to call this because eventually he did stop. It just took a very long time.... He stopped before he finished and if he was raping me he wouldn’t have gotten off me before he finished right? I was not freaking out after it happened... I was just feeling a little shocked but at the same time relieved because he had finally stopped. Now I feel messed up and I don’t know what to call this because like I said, he eventually stopped and he didn’t “finish”.... I am feeling very confused, angry, stupid and generally just totally mixed up...... I wish he would have listened to me in the beginning so I wouldn’t feel like I do... I don’t know why or how I get myself into these situations where in the end I feel like crap. This was the good ex, the one who always listened to no when I didn't want to have sex [Frown] . It doesn't seem possible that he raped me because he stopped and that makes it unlike a couple of other experiences I have had.

[ 03-04-2010, 11:14 PM: Message edited by: Keok ]

Posts: 7 | From: Ontario | Registered: Jun 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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As hard as it is to hear: Your ex-boyfriend raped you. It does not matter whether or not he climaxed. What matters is that he forced sex on you, which you clearly did not consent to. That's the definition of rape.

I am sorry that you had to go through this. Please understand that it is not your fault, that you did not 'get yourself into' anything - this is entirely the guy's fault. He ignored you when you said no, and he kept going when you had made it plain that you did not want to have sex.

How are you feeling now? How can we help you?

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Keok
Neophyte
Member # 42945

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I feel really messed up. I don't know how you can help me. You have told me what it was and I guess now I just have to accept that. [Frown]
Posts: 7 | From: Ontario | Registered: Jun 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Well, what do you feel you need right now? Do you have some support in this, people you can turn to? Are you taking good care of yourself?

I'm sure everything is really overwhelming for you right now, so please take your time to take care of yourself and figure yourself out. And if there is anything that you want to talk about, or that you need ... we are here for you.

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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