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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » Help... Please. Anxiety, fear, hopelessness... Pregnant?

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Author Topic: Help... Please. Anxiety, fear, hopelessness... Pregnant?
bolognaandketchup
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Member # 44446

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Hi, I'm Sarah. I've read your site a lot, and I just really need somewhere to let out this anxiety and worry I have, and maybe get some reassurance.

I got my first serious boyfriend about a year ago. We messed around (oral sex and fingering/handjobs) but NEVER had sex. I thought I had a risk when I didn't back in July (Boyfriend touched himself and then fingered me, and then I gave him a blowjob, kissed him, and then he performed oral sex on me, and I gave him a handjob and then an hour or so later changed a tampon... in all of these situations there was no ejaculate, just precum), and although I've had fairly normal periods since (in August, September, and October... August's was slightly late) I'm having irrational anxiety.

I'm not a stranger to anxiety, when I was younger I was so afraid of contracting a disease that I would wash my hands until they cracked and bled. I've had panic attacks, and I worry constantly. I've talked to my mom about these things, but she pretty much just blew it off. I've tried to talk to my boyfriend about this, and while he was supportive for a while, he's fed up now, telling me to get help.

For a while I let the fear of being pregnant go because I was having periods. Now, I don't mean just a little period, the last period I had was very heavy (I used super absorbancy tampons, and had to take Naproxen painkillers for the cramps), so I thought I was in the clear. Well, the past few weeks I've been feeling strange. I get migraines almost every day, and on Sunday/Monday I experienced spotting along with a lot of vaginal discharge. I was thinking it could be ovulation, because the first day of my last period was October 4th and the spotting was on the 18th and 19th which seemed about right. But also I've been having cramps all through my cycle. Also, today I was VERY dizzy and felt like I was going to pass out and had leg cramps so bad I couldn't sleep. I posted on Yahoo! Answers about this and the one answer I got was this: "well to me its sounds like your pregnant remember nothing is 100%!!!!!". So ever since I've been shaking and crying.

I think that my anxiety is destroying my life. When I'm in the midst of it, I honestly don't feel like getting out of bed. I've turned to alcohol and self-injury in the past, and I just feel like I'll never escape. And then if I let the irrational thoughts in, the fear of being pregnant almost makes me vomit. I'm becoming more and more depressed every time the fear hits, and I just can't shake it. I would buy a pregnancy test and take it, but I'm too scared that it will come out positive. Plus, I'm 17 and live in a VERY small town, so people would talk and it would get back to my parents.

I just don't know what to do. I'm too embarassed to talk to my mom, but I can't handle this. Please help? I apologize for my post being so long, and if this is in the wrong section, I'm sorry. Thank you for any advice in advance...

-Sarah

[ 10-21-2009, 08:33 PM: Message edited by: bolognaandketchup ]

Posts: 2 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
atm1
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Member # 37835

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Hi Sarah,

None of those situations you've described pose a pregnancy risk, so you really aren't pregnant. Yahoo answers generally isn't a good place to get reasonable answers about things like this.

Can you talk to your mom about your anxiety problems in general? You don't have to say it's about pregnancy, you can simply tell her exactly what you told us: "I think that my anxiety is destroying my life. When I'm in the midst of it, I honestly don't feel like getting out of bed."

Those sentences right there mean that you NEED to get some professional help for this anxiety--and that should take the form of long term counseling. You've got very extreme anxiety coupled with symptoms of depression, and that's something that you need help to deal with. If you need help figuring out how to talk to your mom about it, we can certainly work on that, but honestly there's nothing that we, as an internet service, can do to really help with anxiety of this magnitude.

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Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

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Hi Sarah, welcome to Scarleteen!

I'm sorry to hear that you really don’t have a lot of support right now with the anxiety you’ve been feeling. Let’s see if we can put the pregnancy worry to rest first, then we’ll talk a little about the anxiety in general. From what I can see, the only risk you’re talking about here was the one from July. Because you have has normal periods since then, you can rest assured you’re not pregnant. It’s not possible to have a normal period and sustain pregnancy, as a period is the shedding of the lining and the egg. So there’s really no reason to worry about that one.

Just so you know, Yahoo answers really isn’t the best place to go searching for accurate information. Anyone can make an account and answer questions, and the people voting for the “best answer” are general users as well, so the chance of you getting information that’s accurate really isn’t so great.

Something to take not of is the fact that when we’re stressed or really anxious, as you have been lately over the risk, it can really do a lot of strange things to our bodies. It’s possible that you’ve been noticing that. It’s also possible, given that it’s cold and flu season and everything’s going around right now, that it’s something like that. However, given that you’ve been having migraines so often, you really want to get in to see the doctor so they can try to find something that will help you with that. Also, have you been to see the gynecologist yet – because it may be a good idea in terms of dealing with those cramps and making sure since you had a lot of discharge there’s not something else going on.

I see that you really don’thave a good support system right now, as you feel you can’t talk to your mom about how you’ve been feeling and know you’ll have a good listener, and your boyfriend is also not showing that support. Is there someone close to you, a family member or close friend that you can confide in? Also, given that stress and anxiety are things that you’ve dealt with all of your life, have you thought about the possibility of talking to someone like a counselor about these feelings? A lot of times when we find that anxiety is getting in the way of everyday life, and we aren’t able to handle these feelings yourself, talking to someone like a counselor can be a really beneficial experience. Is this something you think you may be comfortable with?

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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bolognaandketchup
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Member # 44446

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Thank you both so much for your replies. I just really, really needed some reassurance.

In terms of talking to my mom, I've asked her twice about it... both times she runs to my dad and they both tell me to get ahold of myself and to just stop worrying. What I don't think either of them understand is that I CAN'T. I've tried, I've tried to just stop and be a normal teenage girl. Another thing that the anxiety does is make me feel extreme guilt... Like if I want to go hang out with my friend on a Saturday night, I feel horribly guilty because I'm not spending time with my dad who I only see on weekends. I just wish that they would understand what this is doing to me. Both times I asked my mom for help I was crying and she was all for helping me at first but just never "got around to it", I guess. Probably because I acted normal afterwards.

It's good to know that I can't be pregnant. I've got to just keep repeating that to myself, or the illogical thoughts will come back and I'll get freaked out again. =/ That's what's so hard, I'll get ahold of myself during the day, but when I'm asleep I never get deeply enough asleep and when I wake up I'm freaking out again.

I've never been to the gynocologist, and the one time I went to my doctor about extreme fatigue (I was really deeply worried about some things and was just sleeping it off) I couldn't make myself tell her that I was sad and unhappy and worried. She just told me to exercise more. >.<

I've tried talking to my best friend of 16 years and and another close friend about it, and when I even mention a therapist or any professional help, they get all upset and tell me that I don't need help and nothing's wrong with me. I'm not really that close with anyone else, so it's hard to handle. I'd talk to a counselor gladly, since they'd be an outside party, but the two that my school has are useless. One tells kids that they're too stupid to go to college, and the other is never there. Plus they're just there to help with scholarships and stuff anyway. =/

I just feel so, so stuck, like there's no way out. I can't go to the doctor without my parents because I'd have to pay with insurance and they'd know. =[

I really hope I'm not being a bother or anything. =/ I want to thank you both and everyone else who voulenteers here, because without this site, a lot of teens would be misinformed and scared. You guys are awesome.

-Sarah

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