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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » VERY VERY SCARED - could I have an STD?

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Author Topic: VERY VERY SCARED - could I have an STD?
Member # 35521

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Ok, so I stupidly had sex with my boyf of 3 years without a condom a week ago. He didn't come in me and I KNOW the risks of an STD are high and I KNOW that I should get an STD / HIV test but how long should I wait? And I'm seriously scared that he might have HIV or something equally awful as, despite knowing his sexual history, and him having always said that he is certain that he doesn't have an STD, I have never been able to convince him to get checked out. He always makes excuses (such as he doesn't have the time etc) and despite the fact that he is normally sensible, he seems to think that sex without a condom will heighten sensation for both of us (I find sex very painful every time and he prefers not to use condoms).

Now I'm VERY scared of having caught something horrible – and the STD infection risk is more scary than an unplanned pregnancy (even though I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant.) Last weekend, I did seem to think that I was pregnant as my breasts were tender and sensitive, and I felt sick on a couple of evenings but I don't think that the signs would appear that soon. However as I'm in the middle of my cycle and am normally pretty regular - usually at the beginning of each month - there is quite a risk that I could be pregnant. I'm just hoping and praying that my next period comes through ok... although the STD risk scares me much much more...

Help! What are my chances of either STD /pregnancy?? And why the hell was I SO stupid??!!

Posts: 1 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 17924

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I see some bigger problems here than your STD risk.

Any responsible partner would be more than willing to get tested for STD's if they gave a crapshoot about their partner's health; I'm going to be very blunt about that. We recommend testing at least once, and then again six months later before we'd suggest having sex without condoms (assuming, of course, there is some other type of hormonal birth control being used.) It worries me that your partner refuses to go with you and get tested, and with ridiculous reasons such as "I don't have time". If you have time to have sex, you have time to get tested.

Are condoms your only method of birth control? If so, you have a moderate risk of pregnancy/STD's. If you are on another form on birth control, like the pill or patch, you only have STD's to worry about.

YOU can always be proactive and get tested w/o your partner. But personally, I don't think it'd be out of line to put the stopper on sex until he agrees to go and get tested with you. This is a big deal for you, and for a partner not to be sensitive to this viable fear isn't OK.

By the way, why are still have intercourse if it causes you pain? Seriously, girl, stop! Sex does not have to be and SHOULD NOT be painful. You really should stop having intercourse if this continues to happen. Are you using extra lubricant when you have sex? Are you completely aroused before you attempt penetration? If the answer is yes to both of these, I'd suggest setting up an appointment with you OB/GYN and check things out.

Seriously, stand up for yourself. Your boyfriend's excuse for not getting tested is bull, and so is his belief that sex without condoms is more pleasurable. And if you are uncomfortable during sex, you need to voice that and stop.

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Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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